So the spouse is in the middle of industriously handwashing some delicate clothes in the bathtub the other day when one of those houseflies shows up – you know the kind: the ones that look like a grape with wings, the ones that if you swat them leave a large purply splat mark on whatever surface they were on and possibly dent the flyswatter in the process – and it commences to buzz about her head in that phenomenally annoying way that such flies have.
At first she ignores it, figuring that it will eventually go off on its own in search of food or a route to the outside or female fly companionship. But no, this one seems content to fly laps around the bathroom with no apparent purpose in mind except to be maddeningly noisy and occasionally buzz by her face, each pass causing a new flurry of swatting motions which serve only to inspire the fly into more rapid and convoluted flight patterns, none of which take it anywhere near the open door of the bathroom.
Shooing motions are of no avail. Assaults with a rolled-up magazine fail to score a hit. The fly remain triumphantly unscathed. At a breaking point, the spouse screams at the intruder:
"FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WILL YOU JUST [SIZE=7]DIE ALREADY!?"[/SIZE]
At which point the fly nosedives into the bathtub full of soapy water – <bloop> – and drowns.
Naturally the spouse is a little taken aback at this newfound ability of hers to drive insects to the brink of suicide, but such power is not something to be taken lightly. As such, we were wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how best to use this ability to the greater good of all humanity. The spandex outfit is already on order, and we’ve just about settled on the name “Fly Girl” for her secret alter ego, but the whole applicability of the power is still a bit nebulous. I mean, if all she’s going to be able to do is be a human pest strip, it’s not really worth putting the mask on, you know?
Anyhow, any and all advice gratefully received.
