Ok, so my 15 yo daughter has a health class, and one of the projects she was assigned was the old “empty eggshell is my baby” lesson.
So last Sunday night, I finally remember to poke a few holes in my future grandchild, break the yolk “MMMMOMMMMM! You’re scrambling her BRAINS!!” (funny kid…did I mention HOW MUCH I regret teaching you sarcasm, and giving you that warped humor gene I posess??), enlarge the holes, and blow out the runny mess (of course she had to go to school and tell everyone how her mom blew her babies brains out)
I rinsed it out and set it in a bowl to dry out…my job is complete.
She takes it to school the next day, all nestled in a wad of toilet paper in a box. She has to have every teacher in all of her classes examine the egg and sign a paper stating that the egg is indeed intact…Piece o Cake, right???
The next day, I get up after she has gone to school, and see “the baby” sitting on a table by the couch. When she gets home from school, I tell her that she forgot something today. Her response??
“Oh, it’s no big deal…we just have to bring it a TOTAL of three days sometime this semester.”
:eek:
Oh great!! I start the “sarcastic lecture” mode:
“This will look so good on your babysitting resume honey! I can see you getting married and having children of your own, cept you forgot the baby at the mall” I roll my eyes (which is completely lost on my child)
She remembers the baby the next day (hmmm…mayhaps she can be taught!!) However, she comes home with a story of how someone took her egg during class, while she was talking to the teacher.
“Don’t worry mom, I got her back” she says. (No worries…sure)
The next day, she comes in with a piece of paper in her hands…
“My baby got stolen again, but instead of getting her back, I found this instead”, and hands me the paper.
It’s a ransom note…OUR BABY’S BEEN KIDNAPPED!!! The note says:
if u want your baby back, bring $1 billion 2 7-11 @ 10 exactly
The words were clipped out of magazines and newspapers and glued to the paper.
My lips twitch…I try to cover my mouth, but a snort escapes…I snigger…she sniggers…we both bust up laughing and end up with tears in our eyes. (I could try to convince you guys that the tears were from fear for our baby’s safety and worry about the posibilities, but, I don’t think you would believe me)
She told me that the same thing happened as the day before, she was up talking to the teacher and “only turned my back for a minute”, and POOF!! Baby gone bye-bye.
My daughter asked the teacher to call the police, but the teacher was too busy laughing (We’re starting to think she was an accomplice in this kidnapping)
We have put an ad in the local paper, but our baby can’t read, so it doesn’t look to good.
I will keep everyone updated…gotta go…I have an appointment with the private detective I hired and all of my friends and neighbors are “scrambling” to form a search party.
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