God, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That’s what’s important! Valor pleases you, God… so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!
My guess is that the explanation would be that their faith just wasn’t strong enough.
Well, that, or they’re testing God. And you’re not allowed to test God. Oh no.
As a Christian, I can only say Amen!
“Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults.” (I Corinthians 14:20)
“Thanks, Mom, for reminding me how tedious church is. I’ll be sure to stay away!”
Yup.
At least, I think I did.
Y’all crack me up. I love some of the responses this has gotten. 
Wait – some people have services for 2 hours??? And people complain about Catholic Mass being too long!!! (It’s only an hour – less if the homily is short)
How about:
Love thigh, neighbor
You are never a loan; salvation is a gift
Jesus saves; the Pope invests
Okay, this one is brilliant.
If it’s fortune cookie Christianity, aren’t we supposed to add “in bed” at the end of our aphorisms?
“Seven days without prayer makes one weak…in bed”
“A nail-hole in the hand is worth two in the bush…in bed”
“God never gives us more than we can bear…in bed”
…in bed (perfect typo)
I like this one. Maybe there’s something to this after all.
A Catholic Mass is theoretically an hour–with the homily being the pivot point, as you observed. At the parish I attended when I was a kid, the Sunday morning Mass routinely ran at least 75 minutes.
Then, on particular holy days, you might have services for two or three hours.
Do you at least get something to eat afterwards? People grumble about how long synagogue services are, but at least there’s a kiddush at the end.
Well, Mass does slow down time. It’s relativity!
Don’t even have to wait until afterwards; they give you a little snack about ten minutes before the end.
Crackers and wine. Breakfast of champions.
Ha! When I was growing up, we attended a Catholic church where - I don’t remember the details exactly - the priest had some TV program he always watched that came on precisely the hour after Mass. Can’t remember if it was sports, or what … but it meant that Mass always wrapped promptly up about two minutes till, and he was running around flipping off the lights for the altar before the congregation had so much as stood up and collected their coats off the pews.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Seen on a button:
I found Jesus! (He was behind the couch the whole time!)
Unless it’s Kol Nidre.
I took the Jewish carpenter boss thing to be a stingy Jew remark. But I like offensive racial jokes.
As for the “nailed to a tree” thing, I can’t resist the reference after reading Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
It just so offhandedly blasts the entire religion as inconsequential and self-important.
Don’t worship me please; I cannot stand the way you tease.