'Woman finds rock on beach!' Why is this news?

Seriously. I’m not ranting about it or anything, but lookit this link:


In summary it says "Some woman thought she found meteorite on a beach. She didn’t. It was a common igneous rock. She doesn’t care, she still thinks it’s nifty. "

Why in the world is this news?

Even if it was a meteorite, it’s STILL not news. I own a couple of meteorites. They’re cool and all, and I’d love to find one (as opposed to buying them), but they’re not particularly rare. So what gives? It wasn’t that slow a newsday, was it?


You’ve got to remember, this happened in West Palm Beach, where people are unable to follow an arrow from their preferred political candidate’s name to the corresponding hole. If someone went into the ocean looking for a rock, and emerged with an actual rock, it probably is big news.

Wow, that’s almost like an Onion article, isn’t it?


AMSTERDAM, REUTERS - 28 year old Amsterdam resident C. Fire took his car to the local car wash earlier this afternoon. “Damn, it looks like a pimp mobile”, the Peugeot owner was quoted, “It sure could use a good cleaning!”.
Resident car wash employee D. Head commented upon request: “Mr. Fire is of course free to wash his car whenever he wants. But off the record? I’ve seen it a LOT dirtier. For him to claim that it honestly needed a good cleaning is nothing short of almost somewhat ridiculous”.
Mr. Fire was unavailable for further comment and aimed a high-pressure alloy wheel cleaner at our reporter when the latter approached too closely.

What’s even funnier is that the teaser line
“Geologist Unsure Of Retrieved Rocks” is completely wrong. In the article it says that “it didn’t take long” for the geologist to figure out that they were common-as-dirt igneous rocks.

This article irritates me far more than it should. I may write them a letter.


As a newspaper copy editor, I was concerned about the article until I came to this graf:

“To find out for sure whether the stones Ross brought back were, in fact, remnants from a fireball, Eyewitness News 25 took them to a geologist at the South Florida science museum.”

This isn’t a newspaper. This is a local TV station masquerading as journalism.

I feel better now.

(Not to say print journalists are so great, but at least we’re better than the TV news clowns.)

It’s not news. But it’s summertime!. Tra la la, all us news people are on vacation. La la la.

Hardly even that. It’s a low-power UHF station masquerading as a TV station.

Now if she found “The Rock” on the beach, and he did a pile driver on her or somethin’ THAT would be a news story I’d like to see.

Which reminds me of a story that happened to a friend of mine a cople of years ago. She was working for a Swedish news agency and had spent the whole day calling police stations all over the country and came up with:

  1. A horse that had fallen into a ditch
  2. An elderly Norwegian tourist who had parked his car somewhere and couldn’t find it
  3. A riot at a beach (which she thought sounded promising until she checked it out and found that it was just about someone who had lost his wallet)


In case anyone is interested, here’s a page of “Meteo-rights and Meteo-wrongs” to help you determine whether your rock is a meteorite:


Geepers, Fenris, if this is news, I think I could publish a high-circulation periodical based entirely off the “Ask an Astronomer” page.

And I betcha we COULD make a real hihg circ pub out of it.

-Jonathan “Publishing Mogul” Chance

There’s a small paper in a small town near me that goes by the name of ‘The Selby Times’

Headline this week ‘Posh Spice to Have Another Baby’.

The real story is that a local stage performing psychic whose biggest crowd to date has been in the local pub said that she saw it in a dream.

She also said she could do remote viewing and ‘anything at all really’.

The chances of a young wealthy woman, fairly recently married to a wealthy husband, having a second child seems to be somewhat less than newsworthy as a ‘psychic’ prediction.

In my reporting days, we used to refer to this as a “No Parrots Died” story (after the headline in Monty Python’s ‘News For Parrots’ skit, which went something like “No parrots died today on the M-16 highway”).

Other examples of the genre:

“Serial killer’s trial will not be moved to Davenport, Iowa”
“No cases of annoying foot fungus reported in Scott County”
“Fuel oil explosion fails to rain toxic waste on Bettendorf”

Now, if a Meteorite had found a WOMAN on a beach, THAT would be news. Especially if it bit her.

**‘Woman finds rock on beach!’ Why is this news? **

Because it was an all “easy listening” beach.

Having all those loud guitars, and bass, and DRUMS…

how crass … how bestial