She may not have self esteem problems. She may genuinely be a poor prospect.
Maybe she wants to sleep around with a lot of guys at this point in her life. Maybe she’s mourning her pet parakeet and expects to be emotionally turbulent for a while. Maybe she just got a job offer in Zimbabwe and will be moving any day now. Maybe she just hooked up with her high school sweetheart and wants to see where it is going. Maybe she had a communicable disease she doesn’t want you to get.
There are countless perfectly valid reasons why someone might think your dating them would be a mistake.
I haven’t had to deal with dating in a very long time, but I have had to deal with hiring people. You tell someone the reasons you’re not interested, and they will react by saying either why it isn’t true or promising to do better. It is a lose-lose situation and so saying “sorry, no” is the best for everyone.
I fell into the trap of explaining once - I’ll never do that again.
Women (as a general attitude) absolutely despise, petty indecision in a man. If I got a text like that in the context you describe I would interpret it as a passive aggressive way of calling me, in the nicest way possible, an indecisive retard who annoyed her and whom she did not want to bother with any longer.
It’s kind of over the top obvious. That you’re having any trouble interpreting this may be part of the problem.
But they don’t have the right to codescend to make that decision for the rejectee. They only have the right to set their own boundaries based on their own agency, which the rejectee is obligated to respect.
For the rejectee, respecting other people’s boundaries is the only way to go through life. But it’s piss-poor as an only purpose in life. The rejectee is still entitled to his or her needs, desires and ambitions. So to use ingenuous consideration of the rejectee’s best interests (blind little fool that he or she is) as a way of cutting someone loose is disrespectful, more than any other in the vast arsenal of little white lies.
My test for this: I’d know in my own heart that I was being a complete asshole if I used it. Wouldn’t you?
No, I’m not going to try to talk her out of it. I’m just curious why she would say something like that. She is an unusual combination of personality; very bold and confident, yet complains about being “fat” when she’s not. Hard to read.
She said it in order to break the date while not letting you think you have a chance at a future date. No one can tell you anything further because the communication does not contain enough information for you to do anything with. That likely was the goal.
If you suspect a combination of 1 and 2, you are fooling yourself. She most definitely doesn’t have a low opinion of herself.
It’s #2. She wants you to stop bothering her, and this is as clear a kissoff as you are going to get.
She can’t come right out and say “you aren’t X, whom I am in love with, and who won’t give me a tumble”, because she is afraid that you might take her hostage after you shoot X in the back.
Also, #3. Other reason; that other reason being that you aren’t X.
And also, when the employer wishes you success in finding a position, they actually couldn’t care less one way or the other whether you do or not, although they certainly don’t want to be seen as so unkind as to actively wish you unhappiness.
It’s a kiss-off, with some polite meaningless noises such as personal communication runs on. There’s nothing to be gained by over-analysing it.
One thing that stands out to me here is that her cancellation of this first date was so heavy-handed. That leads me to believe that either:
You were giving signals that you had high expectations for where the relationship would go
or
You did not accurately read her emotional state, body language, etc. as to what she thought of you.
I’m getting the sense that you wanted a relationship but she prefers just being acquaintances. It may have been better to instead take smaller steps so that you could accurately gauge her feelings towards you. It sounds like the date skipped too many steps along the path for her. If you are in sync with her, it won’t be a surprise if she wants more of if she doesn’t.
Other reason: read the unwritten words. The complete sentence would actually say “I’m sure you’ll find someone much, much better than me for you.”
She doesn’t think the two of you make a good match. She’s telling you that you’ll find someone else to be a better match. She didn’t write the words “for you” because that opens up a chance for you to argue all the reasons that the two of you would make a good match, or to demand explanation of why she thinks you’re not a good match so you can shoot them down.
Well, there are some people who you wouldn’t mind hiring, so in those cases I mean the good luck.
There are others where I pity the poor fool who hires the guy. There, not so much.