I’m sure there are more than a few husbands that if they were in Ted’s position would wonder:
A) What the hell made her jump my bones 3X in 40 hours?
And
B) How can I make that happen again next weekend.?
Two people can keep a secret, if one of them is dead. By telling Marsha, she’s given her the power to potentially destroy her marriage at any time, with or without provocation. Dumb move.
Yeesh, I hate to be the weird queer kid cocking his eyebrow at prudes, but, man, this hypothetical is exactly why normal doesn’t work for me.
She is guilty of adultury, unless making out and partly undressing with other partners is an agreed-on part of the marriage.
She has the option (which most people in this thread seem to favor) of bottling it up, ignoring whatever aspect of her caused that impulse, and just dealing with the lie and maintaining the status quo.
She also has the option of talking about it, possibly explaining her dissatisfactions and motivations, and either tearing apart her marriage or her and her husband embracing honest communication and potentially deeper sexual exploration.
It’s her call, and the risk/reward of the scenarios really can’t be analyzed based on OP. If she, in her bones, has no desire for any such scenario to recur, then the former is probably simpler, safer, and adequate.
She should stop working at the shelter because people named Bear cannot be trusted.
I am amazed that so many people think she shouldn’t tell. I would certainly want to know if the most important relationship in my life was going through a fragile period and my spouse needed a bit of extra support and attention. I would also feel I had a right to understand the dangers of the relationship with Bear and have some input into the decision as to whether it were OK for SO to continue at the shelter.
I do think it was cheating, though not adultery. The long-term silent crush is really of more concern to me than the physical incident. She obviously has been indulging these feelings rather than immediately - even reflexively - quashing them as I would expect from a married person. Kudos for stopping the physical act just in time, but there is an emotional “leak” that needs to be repaired. Lots of sex with hubby is not going to fix that.
The future of this marriage deserves the efforts of both participants. and how can he do his part without knowing about the problem?
In Dubus’s story, LuAnn is very definitely a believer–specifically Roman Catholic. And she tells no one but Marsha and her confessor.
[humorless pedant]
The guy’s name wasn’t really bear, of course. I just couldn’t recall his name when I wrote the hypo and didn’t have the book at hand, but did recall that either LuAnn or Marsha described his as looking like a bear. As I noted later in the thread, his name was Roger.
[/humorless pedant]
This is why I love you best.
In the original story, it’s pretty clear that LuAnn isn’t over her horniness. She’s thinking about boinking Marsha. (That’s “thinking about” = “aroused by her presence”, not “planning to.”)
Absolutely no way in hell should she tell her husband. That would, frankly, be incredibly selfish, in a stupid, self-harming sort of way.
Whether or not she should quit the shelter depends on whether or not she thinks she is over her feelings for Bear, and he will be over her. Another consideration is whether the incident is likely to affect their working relationship, even if no naughtiness ever happens again.On the other hand, her leaving might adversely impact the girls with whom she has developed a good relationship. Probably iti s wiser to quit, but it is hard to say for certain, and she will need to concoct a good, plausible lie to tell her husband to explain her quitting (which may be difficult, given that she is apparently the sort of person who is seriously tempted to confess the whole thing to him).
Whether or not it counts as adultery depends on your definition of the word. For that reason, I did not vote on this one. I am inclined to say yes, the kiss is sufficient to make it adultery, but it isn’t very bad adultery, so make like an adult and get over it. A sexual one night stand would be worse, but real, serious adultery would be an ongoing, long-term, emotionally committed relationship, which in my book would be worse than one-off quickie sex even if the long-term relationship never involved actual sex.
And I forgot to vote for dessert. 
Can I still get the orange sherbet (hold the ginger snaps), please?
Of course you may not hold the ginger snaps. You can give them to someobody else if you want, but if I’m giving out free desserts I see no reason why I should be obliged to customize orders.
So where is my brownie?
The failure of your teleport pad is between you and your teleportation services provider. If you’re still using XFinity rather than Burroughs-Libby (or at least LaForge-Brahms), that is not my fault.
I just don’t understand why we’re making the distinction between cheating and adultery. They are technically different, but it’s not like this woman would be any less guilty of betrayal if she had actual intercourse. Both are equivalently morally wrong in my view, and yeah, she should tell him. I would want to know.
I voted she should not tell her husband about the pleasurable interlude. But, upon reflection, she should try to instigate a threesome with Bear as the extra.
She should continue working at the shelter; leaving would hurt the women she is working with and besides that, it would lead to gossip.
She didn’t commit adultery, or anything else.
Telling her friend about what happened was a huge mistake.
I’ll have the apple pie, please.
LuAnn should quit smoking.
I think there’s a difference between “adultery,” of which she is guilty, and “a problem,” which isn’t the case here. She had an inappropriate reaction following a situation of extreme stress, and regretted it. That makes it unlikely to be a repeat issue.
I didn’t choose a dessert because I think cheese on pie is weird.
Nitpick … BJ did have sex with the nurse. Hawkeye asked him where he’d been the night before, and during the conversation BJ tells him he (BJ) “fell off the fidelity wagon.”
Back to the discussion: LuAnn is talking about this situation with someone OTHER than her husband? Unless they’ve changed the rules of best-frienddom since I last read them, you don’t take a vow before God to love, honor and cherish your best friend (assuming he/she isn’t the person you’re marrying) till death do you part. I’m somewhat old-school, but I interpret “love, honor and cherish” as “don’t come so close to having sex with someone else that the difficulty of removing jeans is all that stops you” and “keep me informed on important things that are happening with you.”
Essentially, through her actions LuAnn is saying there are things that affect her relationships in a physical and sexual way that she’s willing to share with at least two people BEFORE her husband is even aware of them. Not cool.
LuAnn can do whatever she wants in life, but she has to accept the consequences. Part of the consequences of this event include telling her husband and either working through that with him, or realizing that what she did was a major factor in the failure of their marriage.