Both. As far as society’s interest goes, have a look at the history of divorce in different nations. For example, where I am, the lawyer(s) processing a divorce are obliged by the government to advise the parties of where they can go to get help to reconcile.
You aren’t asking for permission. You’re telling them that you are going to. I mean, who goes to their spouse and says “I want to end this marriage: I don’t love you any more. I don’t think of you as my family. I’d really like to sleep with other people. But I made a promise, so it’s up to you. If you don’t want a divorce, I will continue to endure this dreary, hell-like existence with you, a person I have grown to loathe. I won’t stray. I will keep all my vows. But I hate it”? I mean, even if you DID say that, you wouldn’t really be asking for permission, and it’d be passive aggressive to pretend otherwise.
Likewise, a person that goes to their spouse and says “Hey. I just want you to know that I am going to start banging this other person. I don’t want a divorce. I just want to be honest” is also being a dick, and doesn’t get any points for honesty.
That’s a good point. I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way. (which I’ll admit is much more realistic) But, at least it opens up the conversation and allows for another chance. I’d still say it’s preferable to cheating.
Well said, Quasi, well said.
Both, though I had the former in mind as in “the state of being affected by something in respect to advantage or detriment.” Yes, taxpayers have a financial interest in stable home environments for children. They also have a financial interest in the sort of monetary and emotional safety net that one spouse provides for another in a solid or even substandard arrangement.
I have read through this post and honestly, I do not understand how anyone confuses one simple deal. There is a such thing as the right thing to do and a such thing as the wrong thing to do. In the past, I cheated. Why? Who cares? After experiencing the guilt and shame on my part and the hurt on my spouses’s part, I can say unequivocally, that is was just the wrong damned thing to do. I was wrong, I made a terrible choice and I will never make that choice again.
What I despise are those who are desperately trying to justify a wrong choice. There are just decent rules of society. I don’t care, for example, if you have an alchohol problem, but you just DON’T DRIVE DRUNK.
When you choose what is wrong, you are 100% at fault, 100% wrong, end of story. Anything else is trying to weasel out as if you were not wrong. I was wrong and I learned. What is so hard with that?
I would agree with you on that. But I also agree with forgiving yourself and getting over the guilt. I felt horrible guilt about what I did. I felt a little more justified once I confirmed what I always had suspected and forgave myself, but yes it was wrong and inexcusable.
A man saying “We grew apart” is a code for “I treated my wife like crap the whole time we were married, and didn’t parent the child(ren) either, and yet I’m still totally clueless as to why we’re divorced.”
Truthfully, for me, Deal Breaker Numero Uno has always been divorce. If he’d treated his wife better, he would probably still be married to her. If the children were preschoolers, it’s also a pretty safe bet that he couldn’t handle parenthood, and that’s why the marriage failed. And I’ve heard more of that from men than I have from women.
When I was growing up, divorces really were almost always entirely the husband’s fault, and in addition, it was almost unheard-of for a man to be involved with his children AT ALL within a year or two of the divorce being final, although in some cases, the mother had remarried and told the kids, “You have a new daddy now, so you don’t need the old one any more.” :smack: