Then why doesn’t every relationship end when the male partner goes through a period of unemployment?
I just wish it weren’t so much about “you’re not in the rat race, so I can’t be serious about you.”
Note that I said “date someone who is unemployed,” not “longterm partner goes through a bad spell.” Most people can quantify the difference between those two situations. Chronically unemployed people, or people who have no desire to have a career or meaningful long-term job, are different from people who work steady but have setback happen to them. I can deal with the latter, not the former, at this stage in my life.
ETA: People do break up over job loss. Not having the money to deal with your life obligations is very stressful-- doesn’t mean anyone in the situation is necessarily a whore (and I’m not saying that you’re accusing anyone of that).
Yeah, I’m not a fan of the rat race either. My husband makes less money than I do, and I’m a public school teacher, so you’re preaching to the choir here. However, I do understand people who value high powered careers wanting to be with other people with similar values, otherwise you get situations where one person feels that their partner values their job over their personal life, or vice versa. Best if people with similar values get involved with each other, right? I think Dangerosa was making a similar point upthread.
You guys are still calling it a “cat” up there? Man. It’s 2007.
Great O.P. Welcome to the Straight Dope. What a fantastic debut.
Cartooniverse
When I say I seek someone with career ambition, I’m not talking about necessarily a high-powered cutthroat executive job, I’m talking about someone who is willing to do the work it takes to get the job that fits their capabilities, and use it to help others. Rubystreak’s job as a public school teacher would be no less desirable than a doctor or lawyer. My husband is going for a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and I might end up as a social worker earning peanuts, but the point is that I seek someone who has goals outside of the marriage and a sense of responsibility within his own community. The definition of ‘‘successful career’’ can vary greatly from person to person. I would rather marry a compassionate vacuum-cleaner salesman who really LOVES selling vacuum-cleaners than a CEO who hates his job and doesn’t prioritize his family.
It sounds like you are talking primarily about the ‘‘marrying rich’’ phenomenon which I’ve heard a lot about but rarely actually encountered… in which women who have no career ambitions seek men who will financially support them while they raise children. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this lifestyle, if both parties are fulfilled by the arrangement, but the thing is I’ve never actually heard any woman say, ‘‘Oh, I’d date him but he doesn’t make enough money.’’ The ‘‘marrying rich’’ and arguably gold-digging types I know have high-powered careers themselves, and do value wealth and often-times even have a great deal of it before they marry. I would imagine it’s one of the things that connects them.
Being able to hold a steady job, OTOH, is another thing entirely… and it works both ways. I wouldn’t want someone to have to carry my unemployed ass for the rest of my life and I would be turned-off by someone who could not stay gainfully employed for reasons of character… being fired, making excuses for shoddy workmanship, and expecting me to finance their lifestyle. There are things that happen, and decisions that are made together, where one partner may work and the other wouldn’t… child-rearing being the most obvious one that comes to mind, disability another. Those are lifestyle choices or unfortunate circumstances–either mutual decisions or the ‘‘worse’’ part of ‘‘for better or for worse.’’ To me that is a world apart from being unable or feeling too entitled to hold down a job.
So maybe women are mistaking you, the not-competitive and not-materialistic but decent and gainfully employed bachelor, for the low-life deadbeats who suck their partners dry? Or maybe you’ve had the misfortune of running into shallow, deadbeat women. But in my experience, most of us aren’t like that!
Why doesn’t anyone ever offer me diamonds for sex?
The opening post is not so much topical
As it is eye-poppingly gynecological.
A Priori Tea’s thoughts are frankly laid bare
And if Dopers had photos, no doubt she would share
More than her thoughts. But some of us wonder
What sort of tackle is lurking down under
The jockeys or panties that poster might don
‘Pon rising from slumber. Does our poster yawn
And scratch itchy goolies? Or might we surmise
That lacking such items she just rubs her eyes?
Ladies and gentlemen, you say she does not exist, but I have met her.
“Oooh, I want that necklace from Tiffany’s! I need to get a boyfriend before Christmas and make him buy it for me.”
“I get a new Coach bag every year. My daddy thinks it’s silly but I get Mom to buy it instead.”
“My ex wants me to go with him to the Christmas party. How should I convince him to buy me a dress for it?”
“We’re not exchanging presents this year. Hooray! More money I can spend on myself!”
Spoken all without irony or joking or anything of that sort by a former coworker of mine. She was a fairly pretty girl, curvy and blonde, not actually stupid but not astonishingly bright. I guess she figured the only way she was going to get all the nice things she wanted was to leech off everyone around her. She was bright enough not to do it to her coworkers, though – at least, not the female ones…
Oh. Ok. I misinterpreted your post.
It’s not a gift per nookie thing, it’s more like "I’ll act like the bitch I truly am and withhold sex and affection because I am not getting my worth in gifts/expenses.
An example: a cousin of mine, who, although very pretty is, by no coincidence, single past 40, is just like that. Despite being smart, and a career woman she merely sees men as walking wallets.
Over a decade ago, when we were all in the university, she was dating some young man that came from a very rich family. However rich his family was, he made a point of just being “one of us”, never flaunted, and oddly enough, when it was time to go places, knowing that most of us were being supported by our parents, he never suggested we go to expensive places.
One time my cousin invited me and a few friends to “go have lunch with Charlie”. As it turns out Charlie had not invited anyone, as she led us to believe, and when he arrived she unceremoniously informed him that she had invited her friends for lunch. When he took us to an infamous “broke student” hangout in town she made a scene because he had embarrassed her by bringing us to that joint (food was good and plentiful, but cheap). I was absolutely mortified, and so was he. He proceeded to inform her that just because his family had money did not mean that he had unlimited funds, or carried wads of money with him. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
He dumped her the next day.
In my experience there are many women out there desperate to have a boyfriend or a husband. They aren’t necessarily the best looking women out there. Some of them are - I’m afraid to say - not very bright or a little grating. Many of them are not exactly well-employed themselves. They occasionally come with children. And they sit around and wish the rules were different - that men were not just interested in dating good looking, self sufficient, interesting women without children.
I just don’t see how a normal healthy woman could withhold sex for very long.
I can. A couple of situations come to mind. Her partner is bad at sex but she’s stuck with him. She feels alienated from her partner, unloved for whatever reason, and that screws up their intimacy for her. She can’t or doesn’t physically enjoy sex, so it does nothing for her; maybe she put out at first but now feels like she doesn’t have to.
I’m just guessing, but I think if you have gotten to that point in your relationship where you feel disgusted with your partner, not close to him, and/or you don’t find him attractive and stimulating, you could be perfectly healthy but not want to have sex. It’s your relationship in that situation that’s not healthy.
In the same way a man could, if he so desired - by ignoring the normal urges or focusing the energy on something else. Or, alternately, by masturbating when her partner isn’t around.
Are you willing to retract your accusation, or does it still stand? (I just like to be clear on these things, ya know. 
)
And apparently, I write like a woman. At least according to that writing analysis site that was passed around here a few months ago. Back then I put all of my erotic fiction stories into it, one after another, and it said every single one of them was written by a woman.
That might help explain why my female readers liked my stories so much, while my male readers were complimentary but not overly enthusiastic.
This is my new favorite word 
You bet, daddy-o. We’re all a bunch of hepcats up here.
I have been inundated with the word vagina and now it means nothing.
In the context of this discussion, let me say :eek:
For every closet full of Coach bags and louboutins, there’s a flat screen TV and PS3.
Now if only we could do that to the rest of the world, we might be getting somewhere…
Aaaaaaaaand having scoffed at the idea of sex for jewelry, I’m suddenly realizing that a closet full of Louboutins is not, in fact, something I would scoff at.
Gentlemen, we’ve just identified my asking price.
A pair runs about 750(on average) and probably somewhere between 30 and 50 pair would fill a closet(even with a couple racks). So between 22,500 and 37,500?
Enjoy,
Steven
If I was inundated by a vagina…