I’ve met several women who’ve told me that the sight of two beautiful men going at it really turned them on. Others have told me they find the idea a little repulsive, even if they have no moral problem with it in general. Everybody’s different, I guess.
I’m a guy, but I’ll stick my two cents in and say that I’ve noticed a bit of a discrepancy when it comes to male vs female reactions to gay sex: Most guys I know find the idea of lesbian sex to be pretty damn hot, but I’ve yet to find a woman who’s turned on by the idea of two guys going at it. I’m not quite sure why, but it might just be because men tend to be more “visual”. Go figure.
May I be the first to say that I don’t enjoy the sight of anyone having sex? I don’t consider it to be a spectator sport and I most definitely don’t find watching to be erotic. In fact, if I’m not an active participant myself, it just doesn’t interest me.
Sure, I think gay sex is hot. I also don’t have a problem with men finding lesbian sex exciting. I don’t quite see why that is demeaning, in and of itself. I think that heterosexual sex is pretty keen, too–does that mean I’m demeaning towards my own sexual orientation?
Of course, I would never make an obnoxious ass of myself by asking two gay guys if I could watch.
I’m not your lesbian friend (am I? Have we met?) but if it makes you feel better, I’ll give you my approval provided you do not openly leer at gay men, think that gay men were put on this earth solely for your voyeuristic enjoyment, or believe that any man kissing another man is really just trying to turn you on and wants nothing more than to hop in the sack with a red-blooded woman. See, it’s those things that are demeaning. But if, say, you just really, really, REALLY liked that scene in Velvet Goldmine where Ewan McGregor and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers kiss for a really long time then that’s okay.
Said film was, by the way, something of a women’s dorm cult classic when I was in college…and I don’t think it was because people cared that much about glam rock.
While explicit gay sex doesn’t do much for me, I usually find myself at least a little turned on by gay men being physical. And I can’t possibly be a hypocrite, because I usually find myself at least a little turned on by lesbians, too. I’m not actively bisexual (unless I’m really drunk and the opportunity presents itself), but I think just the idea of anybody getting some makes me horny.
Personally, I’m a big fan of the scene with Ewan jumping up and down naked and covered in glitter.
I like it from a distance but I don’t get turned on at a gay club or if I see a gay couple canoodling. I like it in movies or on Oz. In real life I guess I would feel it was exploititive to fantasize about my gay friends. I’m trying to do it right now and all I can think about is the fact that I know they would find it either creepy, pathetic or at best slightly (but not particularly) interesting if they knew I fantasized about it and I guess that’s what makes fantasizing about acutual gay men unappealing. I don’t want to be a dirty old man. It’s like trying to fantasize about a female friend and her boyfriend. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t enjoy it.
On the other hand, I do fantasize about straight guys falling in love with each other and all those slash fiction themes. I do like thinking about Alvarez and the club owner on the final episode of Oz. I’m not a slash enthusiast but I can see the appeal. There’s something about being involved in a story and caring about male characters and having it lead to forbidden sex. I have a theory about why I like gay porn and Oz and homoerotic tension in general. For one, I think when you take women out of the equation, you take out a lot of negative baggage. Straight porn and straight romance is very loaded with messages about women and what women are supposed to be and it’s hard to always have to work around that stuff. I don’t like to see women mistreated during sex because I relate to the woman. If a man is mistreated by another man I don’t automatically empathize with the victim. Plus romantic scenarios about two straight men giving in to sex are usually about an emotional bond and not about the fact that one of them is surrendering to the other’s beauty which is often the story of straight fantasies. Even if a fantasy gay coupling is about looks, I’m not put in the position of comparing myself and having that lingering feeling that a woman needs to be gorgeous to be wanted.
I guess you get all the good looking naked people doing forbidden things with less of the baggage and anxiety of feeling involved. When you add the idea that it’s people who identify as straight giving in to a forbidden taboo it’s extra hot because even though you’re not involved, you’re not rejected either.
I think the essential ingredient in not being exploitative is understanding that fantasies are about the person having them and not the people fantasized about. What person wouldn’t feel exploited if someone they did not find attractive was openly fantasizing about them? I don’t care if someone I’m not attracted to is involving me in a sex fantasy as long as he respects the fact that the idea would be repulsive to me. Otherwise it’s invasive and creepy. It’s always creepy and exploitative to leer or to think other people exist to turn you on. I think people who don’t understand that just don’t have it happen to them very much. I work with a guy who does that all day and I know it’s because nobody’s ever done it to him so he thinks it’s all fun and games. It’s too hard for him to handle that he’s just a dirty old man so he imagines that by admitting his desires, he’s giving everyone a big compliment and that it’s welcome. I am not stupid enough to think that gay men exist for my jollies.
One of my recently befriended acquaintences is gay, and we talked about all the sexual issues early on. He asked why I was so attracted to the idea of men going at it, and the only reason I could come up with was the lack of ANYTHING concerning women, as I was feeling insecure about myself at the time. And you know what? It’s nice to just sit back and enjoy watching without anything going on in the back of your head.