Women - how often do you experience catcalls?

[jtur88]

@CairoCarol

@jtur88

If a woman makes a special effort to look nice when out shopping, and another woman casually remarks about her nice outfit, is that considered rude? What if a man did the same? Would that be a catcall?

First, unless you know the woman well, you have no idea what constitutes “a special effort to look nice,” nor is it any of your business whether a woman always/sometimes/never spruces herself up, what she considers normal versus a “special effort,” or anything else. So drop that line of inquiry right there. If I usually go shopping looking like broken down farm machinery or a million bucks, that’s nothing you or anyone else I don’t know needs to evaluate.

Second, while it’s usually not appropriate for any stranger to comment on someone’s appearance, of course it is different if a woman comments versus a man commenting. If a woman comments, it is far easier to believe she genuinely cares because she can relate. If she says, “oh my, I love your scarf!” she may want to know where I bought it because she’d like to buy one for herself or a friend. Gender fluidity aside, a strange man commenting is not going to fit into that comfortable possibility.

As to “what if a man did the same” - well, a strange man is intrinsically more threatening than a woman. I’m not too worried that a strange woman to initiates conversation with me is going to follow me and rape me in the parking lot. A strange man? Yeah, the thought of harrassment/violence does indeed occur to me.

Naturally, this is all very sad for you, a man. Sorry we women have the audacity to look our for our own well-being when it might cause you some discomfort.

Thank you, Carol, for your thoughtful and civil reply. If I see you spruced up, it’s either for that day, or as your overall lifestyle, and both are worthy of a compliment. What I say will be well-meant.

In the third world, as an American, the cattall I’ve heard a thousand times is “Allo Meester” from sidewalk lowlifes, and as a lifelong wimp, 99% of them could easily take me. I’m probably as defenseless as you are. But I refuse to be afraid.

Audacity is not what you women have, it’s what you lack. You are so steeped in fear, that you shut yourself off from the civil decency that most people are happily willing to share with you, albeit a few crude ones in the bunch, mostly harmless.