That much is true.
What the –
“presenting themselves as”?
No, we are not “presenting ourselves” as being unable to read minds. We are actually unable to read minds.
And you have had it explained to you over and over in this thread that women have often had actual direct experience with men who opened with something that appeared innocuous on the surface but whose following behavior made it clear that their intentions weren’t innocuous at all.
Your apparent insistence that we must somehow have a guaranteed way to tell whose intentions are actually innocent, but that we want to conceal this ability because we don’t want to bother using it, does not come across to me as innocuous at all.
Yes. And a lot of them are insistent that they do have that skill; and/or appear to think that if they get it right some of the time, then anyone they didn’t get it right with is the one being unreasonable.
Plus which, many of them can’t tell the difference between the Appeasing Grin and a genuine I Liked That smile; or even the bared teeth of rage. A surprising number of humans don’t even consciously realize that humans smile for a number of different reasons, and that among those reasons is nervousness or outright fear. Or occasionally fury.
Yeah - that was one type of the sorta thing I was thinking about. For example, I play music at farmers markets/coffee shops (or used to, when there WERE such things! :() On infrequent occasion, as I was packing up and leaving, or going to get coffee, I might comment on a man or woman’s piece of attire or something - and keep going. Hell, they would occasionally compliment my music… (yeah, I know - not the same thing.)
And yeah, at work I know enough to avoid ANY personal comments w/ most cow-orkers. But of the ones I feel I know comfortably well, and who know me somewhat, I’m confident they appreciate the occasional, “That’s a nice tie/blouse/etc.” said in passing/in the break room/whatever. Doesn’t rock their world, but doesn’t crush them either. No, I’m not COMPELLED to say such things - I just think that with MOST people, it is a nice and unthreatening thing to do.
Don’t compliment your female co-worker’s blouse.
Sorry, but I perceive things differently. People successfully read people and situations correctly all the time. Sure, on SOME occasions unexpected and undesirable things happen. That doesn’t mean most peoples’ assessments aren’t correct most of the time.
One gets to decide how they view the unpleasantness. Sure it is wrong and unpleasant for a guy to progress to more invasive comments or any uninvited contact. But some people process that as somewhat of an unpleasantness, and others perceive it as tho they had narrowly escaped being raped.
And, in case you didn’t realize it (which I doubt), this is where you clearly veer into mischaracterizing what I said for your own purposes. Enjoy.
OK, at this point you’ve just taken leave of reality.
And just why the hell do you think you’re entitled to decide just how much “unpleasantness” other people have to put up with?
@Dinsdale you are the one who is mischaracterizing what is said and people are apparently getting tired of explaining it to you. Basically, you don’t get to continue doing what you feel like doing because you know you mean well and we are all being thick-skulled unreasonable bitches. Stick to the “good morning”, “beautiful day”, and a sincere smile. Got it? Can’t go wrong.
By the way, people who are autistic, or are emotionally or cognitively differently ambled may not be able to discern or interpret you good or harmless intent. Don’t Ruin their day either. It is hard enough as it is. Plus people who have PTSD, their day is hard too, never knowing when the next trigger is coming from.
Just be kind, spare all of us that. Please. Even though I shouldn’t have to ask twice. Or three times.
OK all - I’m pretty much done here. Various folk are talking past each other. Plenty of good people on both sides, I’m sure! 
Those who think I’m an irredeemable ass - for both of our sakes, I hope we never cross paths.
But hey - I MUST respect women - I’ve got a wife and daughters! 
If we do cross paths and you complement me outside my not unreasonable comfort zone, you will know it in no uncertain terms. Civil, but certain.
I don’t think you are irredeemable. Several of us have devoted time and energy into redeeming you. Unredeemable people I don’t spend time on. Keep up the discussion and considering other viewpoints. We all will.
Regardless of your intentions, complementing a woman’s attire is most commonly code for complementing her anatomy. Nice blouse means breasts, nice pants means ass, nice shoes means someone has a foot fetish, etc. I’m sure you don’t mean it that way, but the women receiving your complement are likely taking it that way since it’s very common to them. Nice guys may not realize how annoying this can be because guys typically don’t get many sexualized complements. But imagine that Tim Gunn was your coworker and every time he saw you, he complemented something about your pants, like “Those slacks are making it work!”, “Nice belt buckle”, “I like your zipper”, “Those are some cool back pockets.” and so on. Seeing as how Tim is openly gay, the not-so-subtle meaning behind his complementing everything about your groin region should make it clear what he’s thinking about. If you’re not interested in Tim, then his complements will likely creep you out. But then later if Bob, who’s also gay, makes an honest complement about your belt buckle, you’re likely to see it through the lens of Tim’s complements. You’ll wonder if he was not-so-secretly complementing your groin or if he really does like the fact that the buckle says “Clown Rodeo 1983 Champion”.
Not every chamber has a bullet! The other five chambers are PERFECTLY safe. And you know perfectly well the empty, by far out number that loaded.
Just pull the trigger and quit acting like EVERY chamber holds a bullet!
Nice!
True; and in addition, even neurotypicals misinterpret each other all the time, in all sorts of matters. The world is full of people trying to figure out, not only ‘is x interested in me sexually?’ but also everything from ‘is the boss really ticked off at me or just being sarcastic because they’re in a bad mood this morning?’ to ‘did my friend mean it when they said they’d rather not do anything at all for their birthday?’ to ‘can I trust that reporter to keep this off the record?’
Do people also manage to understand each other? Of course; though the chances of their doing so are improved if they’ve got a long-running relationship in which they’ve worked a lot of things out, and/or if the circumstances of their interaction are fairly narrowly constrained.
But it isn’t something that automatically happens 99.9999% of the time; not even if all parties are acting with good will. And, sometimes, somebody isn’t.
Some people acting with bad will are obvious about it. But the smarter ones often aren’t. While the percentage of actual deliberate predators may be small, they’re often very good at sounding and looking innocuous right up to the moment when they aren’t.
But do you WANT to be the guy that is making your friends and coworkers uncomfortable? Do you want to create unpleasantness in the world? Why say something when you know there’s a significant chance the person you say it to will take it “the wrong way”?
Weird, I don’t know why that reply says I was replying to “needs coffee”, and I couldn’t see how to change it in edit mode. It’s meant as a reply to Dinsdale, of course.
It could be a combo, but I’ve definitely noticed that it happens to me more often in the city than at home. I don’t recall hearing any women catcalled here, unlike in Boston.
There was a comedian, forget who, who was talking about how women’s magazines tend to be critical of female bodies, criticizing things of little importance. He suggested many fashionistas are gay men, and this was part of the reason they were too critical. He suggested magazines be written by New York City construction workers because of their female body positivity. The whole article would be something like “Whoa!!!”.
This plays on silly stereotypes, but it got a big laugh from the women. Of course, it is a comedy show.
It does explain why fashion models are at least 5’10, with no boobs.
A different comedian compared them to giraffes. “What do you do with them when you get them home? They’re skittish, hiding behind the furniture and the minibar. Keep feeding her diet Cokes. She seems to like them.”