No matter how nice or polite you think you are being, no one is obligated to speak to you, or even to listen to what you have to say. For some reason, you believe that girls are obligated to “talk to [you] for a few minutes”. That is a very entitled, sexist view you have, and you might want to reconsider it. Why do you have this belief? Imagine how many guys might come up to that same girl on any given night. Is she obligated to talk to all of them for “a few minutes”?? Shouldn’t she get to decide how she wants to spend her valuable time? Trust me when I say that she knew whether or not she wanted to hear what you have to say well before you even opened your mouth. You should be thankful to be told sooner than later. Even only “a few minutes” later.
[QUOTE=Kimstu;2161102
There, there. What you’re encountering is simply your first recognition that women are always having to confront the possibility that the male stranger who’s approaching or talking to them may be an asshole, and quite possibly a dangerous asshole.
You were generally shielded from this knowledge in the past because our culture socializes women to try not to make men feel bad, and not to hurt their egos by candidly saying things like “Look, I really have no way of knowing whether or not you’re a dangerous asshole, and nothing about you is attracting me enough to suggest you’re worth taking that risk for, so leave me alone”.[/QUOTE]
Yes. yes it’s a dangerous jungle out there, men are all predators ,and women all prey.
Yes we’re all out there lurking about with our clubs, knuckles dragging on the ground looking for some woman to hit in the head and drag back to the cave.
It is so dangerous out there I’m surprised so many women have survived, and yet there you all are. :smack:
Very few people are saying anything like that. What they are saying is that enough men are dangerous and enough women have been attacked/raped/killed that women are wise to act accordingly. It’s a game of numbers, are you willing to bet your life?
No one said that. Women have to be careful because of the assholes who will stalk, rape, or worse. Why not be part of the solution and help women feel more comfortable, which includes not :smack: at our concerns?
For no reason? No. There is always a reason, and it is never “He is just not attractive to me.”
I used to try and make a point of being nice when I used to turn people down - I also at least once got tripped down a small set of steps after doing so - some people do not react well. Yes, we realize it is not all men, but every single one of us has stories like this, so we can get a little leery after a while.
By that sentence construction, it seems like you’re aware many others haven’t, in fact, “survived”. 'nuff said.
Why do men think saying NO is unacceptable and a total rejection of anyone male? If a woman is not interested, just give up and walk away. Don’t think you have the powers to turn that NO into a yes.
Annie, don’t you mean some men? Would you ask something like, “Why do black men think…” or “Why do Mexican men think…”? If not, then why do you flagrantly group all men together with such a question?
My bad. I meant some men. The ones that think if I’m not interested, it’s a total rejection of all mankind.
Oh sweet baby Jesus, NO NO NO. People go to bars to meet friends from out of town, because it’s where they meet up Friday after work, because they can watch a sport of their choice with like-minded fans, because it’s a central location to congregate before dinner or a show, because it’s a good place to after the show to discuss it, because it’s Tuesday, or just because they feel like having a beer. Assuming that a person who is in a bar is open to being picked up OR that a person in a bar should EXPECT to be hit on is wrong and insulting. A slippery slope leading to “well, she was asking for it”.
And for the OP, no, I wouldn’t label a man a creep just because I’m not interested, but it’s one of the main reasons I’m not interested in the first place. Ranks right up there with poor hygiene, bad manners, and batshit insanity.
Well, she was in a bar, officer. Obviously, she wanted a pickup and so I gave her what she wanted. It wasn’t rape.
Try using that defense.
Way to miss the point.
A few men are predators. Maybe 5% of men. All women are their prey, though. So almost all women take precautions and are picky about interacting with men they don’t know.
On grocery stores, now wait a second. I was watching a show once where it showed single women where to find eligible men and one place they suggested was grocery stores. The thought was it was mostly the wives at the grocery store and if they saw a man there there was a good chance he was single. Unless of course he was buying diapers or tampons. So if he looked attractive, why shouldnt a woman try and strike up a conversation?
I think they suggested something like approaching a guy who seemed confused about tomatoes and making a suggestion.
Because that’s women approaching guys in a grocery store. And if the guy turns her down, chances are low that she will stalk him out of the store and rape him in the back of a van in the parking lot. Hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’m still hoping.
Surprised the Margaret Atwood quote hasn’t been cited yet.
“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”
#NotAllMen, but enough that it has to be a conscious thought all the damn time.
Talking for a few minutes would be easier for the woman if she isn’t strong enough to end the convo quickly, only if she’s alone in that moment. She may be afraid of aggressive reaction if the man keeps pursing, which is why you should never go to a bar, club, or party alone.
Furthermore, what if your friends wanna stay in, but you don’t, would they let you go, if you really wanted to? I feel like this is slightly gendered IMO because my friends always told me that I had always had a choice and that they would support my decision either way (meeting up with them later or going out with someone else).
Overall, your friends will always back you up if they think something bad’s about to happen, no matter what. However, it all depends on what works better for you: letting a man down slowly or an immediate shutdown.
On an extra note, if I was a woman, then I’d feel uncomfortable as well if random guys tried to hit on me, unless if we agree to be friends only.
Uh, what you are missing is that there are some women who are approached by TONS of men. Just as most men aren’t predators, most women don’t have this problem. But the one you want to approach – the odds are decent that she does, because whatever attracted you to her attracted every other guy to her.
So no, it’s not “easier” to take a few minutes to talk to the guy. It’s freaking exhausting. And she has no obligation to do it. She doesn’t owe all those men some of her time just because she looks pretty and approachable.
And by “you should never go anywhere alone” you mean “women shouldn’t go anywhere alone”, I assume. Thanks, love you, too.
And what lots of “nice guy” men can’t seem to understand is that men don’t come with a bright flashing label that tells women which men are going to shrug their shoulders and walk away, and which will turn out to be the aggressive assholes. You might know that you’re not a psycho, but how is the woman you’ve been chatting up for five seconds supposed to know that?
Some Rom-coms show men turning the no to a yes. So that could be why men think that happens.
Jesu Cristo! Look. First, women may certainly go to a bar or a movie or anywhere else that men or couples go. Just like most men aren’t predatory or creeps or just plain nuts, most women do NOT get hit on constantly. You keep wanting to make some sort of rule that when you approach a woman she must “be strong enough to end the conversation” (wtf btw???) and not consider you a player or a creep, but agree to be friends. Or something.
OK, there aren’t any rules. Understand? You are not owed an explanation. If a woman chooses not to talk to you it could be she doesn’t like what you’re saying, how you look, the color of your shirt, your cologne or lack thereof, your height or your tattoos (or lack thereof). It may be a jealous boyfriend is watching. It may be a jealous girlfriend is watching. A vow of silence. She doesn’t understand English. She’s deaf and blind. It’s Wednesday. Or just a gut instinct that with any kind of encouragement at all, you’re going to stick to her like taffy on grandma’s molars. It can be a justifiable rational decision. It can be a capricious whim. It. Doesn’t. Matter. You are not owed an explanation. Or a smile. Or a conciliatory “oh, let’s just be friends” statement.
I wish I could see your style in action. I have a sneaking suspicion it would be pretty obvious what the problem is right away. Like maybe the fact that you’re going out and talking to women with the specific intent of hooking up or at least starting a romantic encounter instead of getting to know them as people you enjoy being around. That’s certainly the vibe you give off in these threads.