The second a woman indicates she is not interested, the respectful thing is to walk away. “No, thanks” is respectful. “What do you mean, NO?” is rude, stupid and (in the woman’s perspective) potentially dangerous.
No thanks, or something like that, is just perfect.
That’s all I was suggesting.
Common courtesy.
Fuck off asshole, is not so polite.
I was also trying to explain that if women are so in fear of men, why would you go out of your way to be rude and piss him off, intentionally antagonize him, by saying something like the above.
Apparently I was too subtle for some.
For the record, I am well beyond the age of approaching women in bars, and am not the least little bit creepy.
The most common way for a person to indicate they are’t interested in some stranger who is trying to chat them up is to just ignore the person, and refuse to make eye contact. I think that’s polite enough.
“Fuck off, asshole”, is certainly rude, and I assume women only say that when they feel physically safe. And I bet it’s said by women who are usually afraid to say that. If a woman responds to you like that, you should reconsider your public behavior, because you are probably pissing off a lot of women who do NOT feel safe enough to respond so bluntly.
This chick can confirm.
When I was 19 and newly single after a 2-year relationship, I attended a 2-week Spanish immersion program in Mexico. There were a couple single guys my age in the program too; one was very cute, the other not so much, though he was friendly, funny, and laid-back. I sensed they were both attracted to me, but I was of course more interested in the cute one at first, and the other guy didn’t push it. But within a couple days, I realized the cute one had a huge chip on his shoulder and was exhausting to be around, so I lost interest. Meanwhile the chubby average-looking guy kept making me laugh and not pressuring me, and, well, I guess his goofy smile grew on me. We hooked up on the beach before the 2 weeks were up.
Being personable, available, and nonpredatory isn’t a guarantee that a particular woman will eventually decide to sleep with you. Particularly if you feel that women owe you their attention out of “respect,” or that they “overreact over the simplest of things,” and you are play-acting at niceness with the expectation that this will unlock the Vagina Achievement (and you’re going to swear and throw your controller at the screen if it doesn’t work), most women will sense that about you and make for whatever feels to them like the safest, quickest exit. But if you manage to stop seeing women as the obstacles to getting what you want and start seeing them as human beings who 1) don’t owe you anything, 2) are worth getting to know even if no sex will happen as a result, 3) experience the world, and especially dating, in a very different (much scarier and riskier) way than you do, and therefore are entirely justified in being more cautious than you are, and if you can then actually BE personable, available, and nonpredatory (not just do a bad impression of it for five seconds before calling the woman a bitch when she rejects you), then the odds that some woman will eventually sleep with you are excellent even if you’re not cute. (P.S.: it helps if you’re willing to settle for someone in your league. Always amazes me how many average-looking guys expect a supermodel and ignore the average-looking girl checking them out.)
Subtle isn’t the word that springs to mind. Heavy-handed. Dramatic. That comes a little closer.
If you get “Fuck off, asshole.” one of three things is going on:
- You’re an asshole and this person wants you to fuck off (always a safe bet)
- SHE’S the asshole, and you’ll be happier if you do in fact fuck off
- She’s just having you on, and you’re in for a brief, intense, and memorable dating experience involving cigarettes and lots of leather
I did state.
"For the record, I am well beyond the age of approaching women in bars, and am not the least little bit creepy. "
It is all academic to me at this stage.
One of these doesn’t belong with the other.
If someone called you an asshole, based on what you’ve posted, I can believe there was a good cause. I wasn’t there but when men start bitching that women “demand” respect, the conversation is pretty much over
You claim to be past the age of picking up women in bars. How did you get to that age and not realize that misogyny bleeds through sarcasm?
Because predators smell fear.
Yeah, uh, that’s not the problem.
Well thanks for setting the record straight.
I know that I always believe someone when they explain to me that they are not the least bit creepy.
Weird/Unusual behaviors outside of social norms
You may want to check out a dictionary.
Its not just strange behavior, it’s strange or weird behavior which causes unease or fear.
I hung out a lot in bars in my 20s and 30s. I never met a guy who was called an asshole by a random woman he approached simply for saying hello.
Being called that do r pressing on after being told “no?” Then sure. This is the most likely scenario.
I talked to plenty of women who had been hassled by guys for not being interested in them.
There are crazy women out there, just like there are crazy men. The difference as a guy, I can just leave when I find out she’s nuts.
But I want to say again for str3535: “creepy” doesn’t mean you have a moral failing. It doesn’t mean you intend harm. Often, “creepy” means you fail to read social signals or haven’t learned the norms. It’s something you can fix.
And, I would not be surprised to learn that a fair number of people who regularly give others creepy vibes aren’t doing so intentionally – they don’t realize that they do so, and don’t understand how or why actions which they consider to be friendly, innocent interaction wind up being offputting to others.
‘Creepy’ has a whole lot to do with acting like you might not respect boundaries. (General you/your, at all points in this post.)
The intention may not be to do anything awful after climbing over the other person’s metaphorical fence, but the fact of climbing over it means a failure to respect that fence, and therefore causes people to suspect that the fence crosser might not respect anything else.
The fence lines vary depending on both individual and culture, and a line that’s obvious to one person may be invisible to another, so it is indeed possible to step over one accidentally. But any insistence on continuing to go over the fence when the other person shows signs of objecting is going to confirm their sense that the fence crosser can’t be trusted.
A person who looks away from you is probably putting up a fence. A person who responds to conversation with a monosyllable or two is putting up a fence. A person whose attention is firmly on something other than you is putting up a fence. They are entitled to do so; you are not entitled to their attention if they don’t feel like giving it.
As a male of the species, I’d like to apologize for at least two of my gender. The two guys here saying “I’m not a creep” sure trigger those alarm bells in my head.
I’m sorry I read their rationalizations here. I feel like I need to take a shower now.
(ALONE, creep.)
Oh god, I’d never do that. I know several lesbians who have had guys hit on them and get reaaally nasty after being told the woman is gay.
Would you rather see someone’s actions instead of them telling you that their not creepy? I just don’t understand when you say something that you’re not, people will still assume that you’re lying, depending on the situation:
For example, if say: “I’m a pretty cool guy”, then people will ask: “Why do you have to let us know?” or “I’d rather see proof though your actions instead of telling us”.
You see, everytime I bring up a topic on here about women or dating, in general, I’m always labeled as the weird guy who should just let it go, even though we think that people in relationships have a better life than single people, which is not always true. I learn something new every so often from non-verbal cues to everyday behaviors. I actually create various threads just to see what’s right from wrong because I want to see what other people think, just like most people on here.
IMO, I think the biggest test for me is for someone to observe my behaviors/actions at a party. Then, they’ll be able to tell me what’s wrong, even though I have an idea: I only talk when I feel like it: Just because I’m next to a girl or group of people doesn’t mean that 'll necessarily start up a conversation with them. However, I haven’t figured out if moving around the party or staying in one place is better. I’ve been told that both can be good & bad, because if you move around a lot, then some people may wonder why you can’t stay in one spot. Furthermore, if you stay in one spot, then some people may wonder why you’re not moving around as much, especially if the people right next to you feel uncomfortable by your presence, for no reason at all.
Overall, I hope I’ve cleared enough through this reply, but would I really feel better about myself if I was in a relationship with someone? Or is my mindset in the wrong place, according to my threads/posts? Even though I’m only 21, I believe that I can still fix my mindset/overall behavior, but it’s going to take some time & effort from me…
If you have to poll random strangers on the internet to know whether your behaviour is creepy or not, I think you can safely assume your behaviour is, in fact, creepy.