Haha! It’s actually happened to me several times, and in cities I didn’t even live in! I must look like I know where I’m going. I was talking to kidchameleon.
It is unfortunate that that has been your experience, and that you seem to dismiss the other anecdotes from other women stating that this seldom, if ever, happens to them.
A lot of hecklers seem to keep heckling… to you (unfortunately). The harrassments I’ve suffered have not been to cat-callers.
And seriously, when I was younger I was told to ignore negative comments from strangers. I do the same now for them. And it works. Shrugs
That’s a weird view of a whistle… and a weird stretch to the other side of your “spectrum”.
So what do you think a whistle means? You don’t think it’s saying “you’re hot”? You don’t think “you’re hot” means “I like the way you look, sexually”? You don’t think “you’re hot” means “I would enjoy having sex with you”? You don’t think that the whistler expects the woman to feel grateful that he is sexually attracted to her? You don’t think the whistler doesn’t care whether or not the woman wants to be viewed as a sexual object, that if he knew that she wouldn’t like it, that he’d just stop?
Can we agree:
- When a woman says she is regularly harassed on the street, that does not mean she is saying all women are regularly harassed on the street
- When a women says she is not regularly harassed, that doesn’t mean that no woman is ever, or has ever been, regularly harassed
- When a woman says that simply ignoring harassment is an effective deterrent in her environment/experience, that does not mean it is an effective deterrent in all environments/experiences
?
Ooookaaaaaaaay.
When someone says “Nice purse” to you, do you assume they mean to steal it? Or do you assume they mean “Oooh, pretty!”
You really give these guys way too much credit, I think. Perhaps you could relax if you stopped attributing diabolical motives to complete strangers.
I don’t think “I would enjoy sex with you” is necessarily a diabolical motive. Like, if the friend said, “Nice purse!”, they could ask where you got it, so that they could get another one. They might want to possess it, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to steal it from you.
Similarly, if a boyfriend, with whom you have already established that “I would enjoy sex with you” is mutual, whistles at you as you’re (say) bending over to clear your closet floor, that’s different than someone on the street you don’t know. Communicating “I would like to have sex with you” is appropriate in an established sexual relationship, but not from a stranger in public.
Inappropriate does not equal threatening.
I don’t think it’s a subject worthy of that much thought.
Do you really not realize how much power you give them by treating this as important? Who cares what they think?
To be honest, I think it does when you look at the statistics around sexual assault. I think CrazyCatLady put it well:
Clarifying: I don’t mean to say that every time a man harasses me in public I assume he is about to assault me, but obviously the best outcome would be for street harassment not to occur at all, to anyone. I think that’s the real question: how do we make that happen?
Ignoring it doesn’t make it stop, because it’s already taken place.
I can’t whistle, but if I could and ever felt the urge to whistle at a woman I didn’t know it would most likely mean “I find you attractive and seeing you has brightened my day.” Maybe I’m strange, but I don’t feel what appears to be the assumed male urge to have sex with every member of the opposite sex that I see. Maybe I should get myself checked out.
Well, whenever I’ve been whistled at, I just see it as, “I think you’re sexy” or whatever. I don’t really think about all the other baggage attached to it. And I certainly don’t think of any similarities to rape. If a guy didn’t whistle but rather smiled or winked or stared, would that be as weird?
Exactly. Much in the same way that if I approach a woman I like, my thoughts are not “I want to defile you in the most humiliating way”, it’s more like “Your looks intrigue me and I want to find out if you have a personality that meshes with mine.”
Assuming that most guys are thinking the former must be a pretty sad way to live.
Well, I don’t think so either but I posted this:
And got this in response:
Hmm. When a guy whistles at me, I take it as, “I’m a guy, and I whistle at things in skirts.” I’ve never taken it as commentary on any physical attractiveness of mine. But let’s say I start… then what? Why is whistling an appropriate and inoffensive way to communicate with human beings?
Congratulations, you’ve managed to demean *both *sexes there.
Missed the edit window…
You know, I suppose I *could *choose to feel threatened or violated or demeaned or oppressed every time a guy whistles at me, but it seems like a depressing and exhausting way to live.
Why is it not? You never communicated with family or friends through whistling? Seriously?
I’m confused as to why someone would consider whistling offensive. Obviously, I must’ve been raised different than y’all.
Ha ha! Do I get a prize? No, seriously, you don’t think there’s anything sexist about whistling at women on the street? Even if they think I’m pretty, what happened to “Hello”? I always figured the guys who used actual words with me were the ones who thought I was pretty, and the ones who whistled were just jerks. They don’t whistle at other men like this to get their attention.
And I don’t feel threatened by whistles, I feel threatened by threats. I just think if a guy thinks I’m lovely, or wants to know if I read the same books as he does, maybe he should ask me like a human being, and not whistle like he’s trying to get Fido’s attention.
Edit: Karl, no. I think I whistled for a taxi once.
I think that the ones who whistle think you’re pretty, but just don’t have the guts to say hello. Or have no idea what to say. Or figure that they don’t stand a chance with you, but have to try SOMETHING. At least the cat call guys are using words.
Just because I don’t choose to feel threatened by something coded doesn’t mean it isn’t an implicit threat.
Also, tdn, I somehow sincerely doubt that street harassers are motivated by shyness, which you seem to be implying.