Women, Sexual Assault, and the Fear of Men

[Muffin]

@Nava

The Spanish Penal Code would call it “attempted sexual assault”; that is, the crime didn’t get wrapped up because of your intervention, but intent and opportunity were there. Dunnow what would US, Canadian and other English-speaking criminal codes call it.

In Canada it would be sexual assault if the kiss happened. A Crown attorney (prosecutor) once told me that sleeping beauty rape at binge drinking parties was the most frequently prosecuted form of sexual assault in our city.

[Muffin]

@Grim_Render

I should think that the number of men subjected to violence at the hands of other men is fairly large too. Yet still I don’t see any suggestion that men, even small and physically weak men should treat other men as potentially violent in day-to-day interactions, avoid eye contact in the street etc.

I sure as shit do in some areas of town – avoid eye contact in the street etc. This is a problem for both men and women, and is openly discussed by men and women, so it is not, and is not taken to be, a men’s issue.

[Shodan]

@Grim Render

I should think that the number of men subjected to violence at the hands of other men is fairly large too.

IIRC the risk of being the victim of a violent crime is higher for men than for women.

Yet still I don’t see any suggestion that men, even small and physically weak men should treat other men as potentially violent in day-to-day interactions, avoid eye contact in the street etc.

If you had ever taken self-defense training from me, or any of my teachers, you would have heard that suggestion. Strategies like situational awareness, avoiding fights, etc., are just as valid for men as for women. Although for men, ego involvement is much more of a problem - women care less about being perceived as a bad ass. The common mistake for women is to deny risk; men let their egos mislead them.

Also, a nitpick - you don’t avoid eye contact. You don’t try to use it confrontationally, but you look at someone to see if they are a threat. You don’t look down - you look away, and then you move away.

People tell you who they are. It’s your job to listen when they do. If he’s giving off a bad vibe, avoid him. Male or female.

Regards,
Shodan

[iiandyiiii]

@Shodan

IIRC the risk of being the victim of a violent crime is higher for men than for women.If you had ever taken self-defense training from me, or any of my teachers, you would have heard that suggestion. Strategies like situational awareness, avoiding fights, etc., are just as valid for men as for women. Although for men, ego involvement is much more of a problem - women care less about being perceived as a bad ass. The common mistake for women is to deny risk; men let their egos mislead them.

Also, a nitpick - you don’t avoid eye contact. You don’t try to use it confrontationally, but you look at someone to see if they are a threat. You don’t look down - you look away, and then you move away.

People tell you who they are. It’s your job to listen when they do. If he’s giving off a bad vibe, avoid him. Male or female.

Regards,
Shodan

I’ve known guys – often physically small guys – who are very jumpy and (though I’d never ask them about it) appear fearful of interactions with larger men (I’m 6’ and over 200 lbs, but that’s only a bit above average). One guy I used to work with never failed to literally jump every time I rounded a corner in the office and encountered him. I suspect that these poor guys have had a horrible history of physical bullying, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable judging them for their fears that may be due to traumatic experiences.

[Spice_Weasel]

@iiandyiiii

I’ve known guys – often physically small guys – who are very jumpy and (though I’d never ask them about it) appear fearful of interactions with larger men (I’m 6’ and over 200 lbs, but that’s only a bit above average). One guy I used to work with never failed to literally jump every time I rounded a corner in the office and encountered him. I suspect that these poor guys have had a horrible history of physical bullying, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable judging them for their fears that may be due to traumatic experiences.

Reminds me of that bit by John Mulaney in the subway.
“I’m still afraid of being kidnapped!”

[aruvqan]

@raventhief

Yeah, I am not going to randomly regale you with the time an ex boyfriend climbed in my window to try to convince me (while I was sleeping) to “give him another chance.” I might tell you about some obnoxious guy grabbing me intimately in a bar because he felt it was worth a shot, or something - maybe he thought I’d swoon or jump his bones? But I probably won’t mention it. Why would it come up unless it’s related to the topic? Random groping is really unfortunately common.

And many women had to learn to judge situations - am I safe if I walk over >>there. Is that guy hanging out in the lobby going to follow me, should I worry about where I park my car. Should I wear this or is it too ‘sexy’ or ‘distracting’, and if someone does assault me while I am wearing it, am I going to be told “I was asking for it”. If I go out with that guy, is he going to try and claim that because he bought me dinner and a movie he is entitled to fuck me.

And people wonder why I am anti-Trump? With his stated attitudes? He combines the worst parts of frat boyism and male entitlement shit. I don’t want some orange oompa loompa with a bad comb over grabbing my pussy, and I certainly don’t want him kissing me, or just ‘popping’ into my dressing room and seeing me partially or entirely unclothed.

Look at an action. If you don’t want it happening to your mother, your sister, your wife or your daughter … then it is not acceptable behavior.