Women With No Female Friends

In My Humble Opinion
41

Oh, and to add, because I came across a little snotty about the kids thing. You’ll notice I rarely, rarely ever post about kid things. Most people don’t want advice, they want to vent.

It’s not so much that I am unsympathetic to other women, I know it’s hard, it’s *damn *hard. But a lot of times, women don’t know what to make of me.

What do you do? I’m a contractor. Oh. (Way out of the norm, end of convo.)
Have any kids? 5. Oh. (must be a fundie, crazy, or a whore, that’s way too out of the norm.)
I was going to list more examples, but I am getting grumpy, so screw it. You get the gist.

42

That’s so me! I wear make up every day and my favorite thing to do is tell people that I drink their milkshake. Really. I drink it up! It’s too bad you live so far away.

I think that the whole, girls are bitchy motif from middle/high school is a good point. I knew so many bitchy, mean spirited girls in school that it sometimes does make me wary of females at first. Of course there are so many other girls out there who don’t fit into that mold or who were the ones victimized by bitchy girls, that there’s no point in painting with a wide brush now.

43

I think this has a lot of truth to it. Among the people I know, the girls who tend to spurn other girls are the ones who are looking for a shortcut to uniqueness- and, naturally, the only woman among a group of men is going to be “unique”. When I lived with two guys, I felt “unique” for being the girl, I admit it. Also, a lot of men liking you can be a status symbol among women who look for social status symbols.

I personally get very wary of women who claim that other women don’t get along with them b/c “they’re jealous of me” for whatever reason. This is like a warning flag for a big ego.

I’m 25 and I have a melange of male and female friends across the gender spectrum, some men who are gay and some women who are tomboys. I think it’s nice to have girly-girls to talk about dieting and fashion and boys with, just like, when I get tired of that, it’s nice to hang out with the more tomboyish and manly ones and talk about other things.

That being said, I may not be actively seeking out more girlfriends but, being young and single, I always have the men on my radar. I’m more likely to strike up a conversation with a lone attractive guy standing around than a lone attractive female, unless the girl is carrying one of my favorite books or is knitting or something that makes me think we’d get along. This has nothing to do with not getting along with women, though.

44

When I’m with the guys, I don’t feel unique. I feel just like I’m just like everyone else. It’s when I’m with a bunch of women that I feel unique, and I don’t like it. When I’m with the guys, I’m with a bunch of people who have the same interests as me, who like the same kind of jokes, and who won’t treat me like I am different. When I am with a bunch of girls I feel like a freak because I don’t like the same stuff they do. People always say that there’s a lot of women who like the same things I do, but man, I’m 30 years old and have met DAMN few.

I’ve found that there are few instances where I am out and about and I see a woman doing something that I also have interest in. I have rather pleasant conversations with any women who happen to be at the firing range or the auto parts store, or the sports bar (on anything but a Steeler Sunday) but y’know, I rarely see women there. Just don’t run into too many women when I’m out paintballing or at the anime store or fishing or camping. And I’m not going to go up to someone and be like ‘Hey, what are you knitting?’ cause I don’t knit.

45

Okay, that made me laugh. My friends and I do that all the time (the milkshake thing). Shame you don’t live in Chicago.

I agree about the high school thing - I had very few friends in high school and haven’t kept in touch with any of them. My closest friends are all from college and grad school, and I’d say there’s an even mix of guys and girls.

In grad school the girls basically divided themselves into two groups - the serious, studious, mature girls who always looked put-together and preferred to chat over coffee and cake rather than go out and have a beer, versus the flighty, giggly bunch of girls who dressed provocatively and flirted constantly. My best friend and I (and a handful of others) were in the minority, in that we didn’t fit into either. This naturally led to us hanging out with the guys more often than not. Now that she’s moved away, it’s just me and the guys for the most part.

46

That isn’t quite what I’m saying (though there is probably truth to that). I’m not saying that some women are trying to create a feeling of uniqueness - but rather they truly believe themselves to be alone. They, alone, of all women, don’t like girly things. Every other woman out there is just “too female.” There is no other possible human being on the planet with breasts who would understand them - and that they have been universally rejected by every woman with breasts (I know, we voted, we all don’t like you) and therefore have given up. Any sign of femaleness in another women - even something that a guy could say like “did you cut your hair, looks nice” is confirmation of this “me against my own sex” viewpoint.

47

I’ve been sitting here thinking about my circle of friends and I have to say that 95 percent of them are guys. I would rather be friends with guys then girls because there tends to be less drama. Maybe it is my choice of female friends, I dunno.

Though I tested this theory and started to hang out with a female friend a couple months ago. To get out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Two months after feeling that I trusted her enough to tell her something about myself, here entire department new about it with in the day. Most of the woman I know are gossipy and down right hurtful if it would make them feel better about themselves. I have enough issues going on in my own life and my own self doubt that I don’t need a “friend” like that in my life.

My closest friend is married and yes that has caused some issues for him, but that is for him to work out. If he feels that he would be better off without me in his life, then that is something I would have to deal with. Though he has helped me better myself in so many ways. As have all my other male friends. There is no drama. They tell it how it is. Blunt and to the point. Without sugaring coating anything.

48

One big advantage of being unattractive: I’ve never had a guy friend say that his wife or girlfriend was jealous of his being friends with me. That just doesn’t happen for me, never has.

49

What is with this thread? As if the definition of woman is someone who likes Oprah, knits, has babies, competes for men and wears makeup.
Get lives, all of you–and go out and really listen to the next woman you meet. How about seeing them as people, instead of projections of your prejudices, insecurities and the like. What a horrible, sexist thread this is. Are your mothers included in this definition, limiting and patronizing as it is? How about your sisters, aunts, daughters, cousins? Jesus.
Frankly, I’m glad I have friends of both genders and enjoy being a woman–one whose definition does NOT include any of the parameters insisted upon by the contributors to this thread. I feel sorry for those here who are missing out on (as was said) half the human population. As if the male half is somehow better at communication or friendships–my mind boggles at the close-mindedness of the attitude. It’s a disservice to men and women.

50

It can be hard for me to establish friendships with women, but the ones that I have tend to be long-lasting. With guys, it’s different. It’s very easy for me to click with men and become buddies with them. Those friendships tend to be more unstable and shallow, though.

I dunno. I think the reasons why some women might gravitate to men over women are quite numerous. Doesn’t always have to be written off as insecurity. Anyone who says “I don’t like other women” has more problems than just the friends she keeps. I think its a way to make someone separate themselves from those bitchy, airhead cunts.

But I think it’s possible for a woman to simply get along better with men. There doesn’t always have to be something sinister to it.

51

I have had more guy friends than girl friends. But then again, I have never been one for a huge circle of friends anyway. Before high school I would have one “best” girl friend and that was all I cared about. I would play with other kids but mostly focused on my best friend. In high school I had a small circle of friends that were 3 girls and 3 guys. But since then, mostly guy friends. I was also a very tomboyish person. I have always been interested in science and science fiction - not exactly huge girly topics. Didn’t wear makeup, worked outdoors and in scientific fields, wore jeans and t-shirts and tennis shoes. Until I turned about 30. Around then I morphed into a much more girly girl. I began paying much more attention to clothes and shoes, makeup hair, etc. My guy friends faded away as one by one they got married and dropped off the face of the earth. Now all I have left are the few girl friends I have made over the last 10 years or so. All the guy friends are gone. Funny how life changes.

If I heard a younger woman say she had mostly guy friends, I’d shrug it off. But I think a more mature woman who can’t relate to other women may have issues.

52

I can say from experience that women who seek to elevate themselves by declaring hatred for all other women (who are all the same), and scorn all ‘womanly’ things (which we all like) drive me insane.

And that Daerlyn is not one of those women.

53

Heh. I love having outside confirmation.

54

I think it’s weirder that most of my friends are 15-30 years younger than I am than that most of them are guys. I like some women just fine, but they tend to be like me–bitchy, bossy, ballsy broads with attitude and strong opinions. We find lots of things to talk about–well, argue about anyway! I prefer people who are freewheeling and not too judgemental and who have a wide range of what’s acceptable and who are tolerant of those outside their range. I like people who are interested in things and in learning about new things rather than those who have a comfy rut they don’t go outside (which describes a LOT of people in my age range, unfortunately.)

When it comes to topics I’m really passionate about–cars (especially fast performance ones,) technology to make cars faster and more performance worthy, alternative fuels to make driving more economical, politics, real estate, social injustice, science fiction, movies, foul humor, food, and beer–I’m more likely to relate to the guy’s point of view than to the girl’s.

When it comes to other things I like a lot–travel (by car, planes are bullshit,) guns, hiking, dogs, four-wheeling, technology and troubleshooting, building stuff, computers, Darwin Award candidates and PALATR-ing–I’m more likely to find I’m talking to a guy because the girls have wandered away somewhere with a bemused look on their faces.

That being said, I don’t find too many men who’re all that interested in gardening, herbal medicine, trashy novels, dissecting the motives of others, living cheap techniques and foreign movies so there’s definitely a spot in my attention for the women I share this side of my life with. My daughter is arguably my best friend in spite of her being ever so much more the girly type than I–she’s also smart, caustic, insightful and socially conscious as well as being funloving and just a delight to be around.

Guys think it’s funny when I make fun of them and rank them out and insult their mothers, and they give as good as they get. Girls tend to get pissed when I do the same thing.

I’m socially facile and can get along conversationally with just about anyone but I’m more comfortable in a bunch of men than in a bunch of women–when I’m in a group of women I start feeling like the token guy but I never feel like the token girl in a group of guys. I think it has a lot to do with how my head works–when someone tells me about a problem I’m all about trying to fix it and I am not so good at knowing when it’s just all about the venting. I’m also not too interested in those circular conversations that never go anywhere but always seem to be terribly fascinating to those involved in them–it feels like those noncompetitive games they used to try to force kids to play instead of dodge ball…

If nothing else, I tend to end up with the guys because I just do NOT know ANY women who like cars, driving and tools as much as I do so that’s a big part of my “shoot the shit” time that will not get exercised if I’m hanging around women. My SO (who’s an uber-computer geek) complains that no matter what issue he has tech-wise, I can come up with some car related analogy to illustrate it–I think he comes up with the most far fetched scenarios he can just to try and trip me up. So far I’m winning… :smiley:

55

The personality issues you’ve mentioned are why some women just don’t like me or are weirded out by me. I’m not super girly, but I’m only partially interested in girly things, and I’m gross. Really gross. TMI to just about anyone gross, and I enjoy grossing out my friends who take it in stride and do it to me. I’m also a bit insensitive (hello, where’d my tact go?) at times and have been called out on it. I can talk shoes and makeup and clothes, but I’m not interested in babies or Oprah’s book club (unless there’s a rare non-glurge literature find) or celebrities or a lot of things that girls in my high school (and some at college) were interested in. I just am bookish and a little out there and I need a little weirdness in my friends to feel at home.

I’m finding that I’m having an easier time with making friends with women when I’m dealing with intellectual or academic circles or even just bookish people. Although I’m surrounded by women in my job, I get along with just about all of them. We’re all a bit different, but we mesh reasonably well and very few of us are “traditional girly” types. I seem to get along best with people who enjoy books and learning and are enthusiastic about something we can chat about as equals, regardless of gender.

I don’t ever think I was the kind of person who couldn’t get along with those in my own gender. I always had at least one female friend, and I made friends reasonably easily; I was always just a little weird or “out there” for some people. I don’t really know anybody IRL who does the “I don’t make friends with girls” thing these days, and I can’t remember any of them who specifically stood out because of this from when I was younger.

56

Anyone else notice that there seem to be two monologues going on here? We’ve got the ladies saying ‘I’m just more comfortable with men’ and the ladies saying ‘not all women like stereotypical women stuff! You’re just not trying!’ Ah well, people are people so it seems.

57

Well, I think there’s a difference in saying “it just so happens that most of the people I’ve clicked with in my life are men” and in saying “I’m friends with men because I don’t get along with women - they’re bitchy and catty and I don’t like girly things.” I think most people on the other side of the monologue would shrug at version #1, and remember we’re not in the Pit for version #2.

58

t

I think it’s an age thing, too, but for different reasons. And I am soooo going to get jumped on for this, but, >checking< this is IMHO still so here goes:

I think there is a fair amount of self-loathing involved in the disdain of young women for having girlfriends and identification with guy friends. I think it is the result of a culture which in one way and another says to women and girls that they should not value themselves as women and that we should distrust one another.

“Can’t be friends with women, they are silly and stupid” looks a lot like “she’ll steal your man” when you look at it from a function of social mythology point of view.

59

I have quite a few female friends-they’re all like me…nerdy.

I have been on the receiving end of quite catty behaviour, including the variety that leads people to dramatically declare that they’re women who hate other women (my sister, who happens to be my best friend, falls into this category) but I’ve never assigned it to womankind as a whole.

Again, I think it’s the fact that my female friends are just highly intellectual dorks that I enjoy spending time with.

I find it easier for me to have lasting, deep, friendships with women but friendly acquaintanceships with the average guy. I have yet to have a deep platonic relationship with a guy-most of my closer male friends end up as my ex-boyfriends.

60

Me too, for yet a different reason. I went through several phases-- having both genders as friends in elementary school, then having boys and girls shun each other in middle school, then a circle of girlfriends in high school… which went horribly awry, so I then disliked girls and had only male friends. In college, I had both, and that’s how it remained for a while.

Now, in my mid-thirties, my best friends are about 70% women and gay men. Why? Because most of my friends are scattered to the 4 winds, and the ones who keep in touch best are the girls. We will get on the phone and talk for hours, e-mail, IM. The guys (most, not all) are crappier at keeping in touch. Thus, I’ve stayed closer with my girlfriends from college and beyond. The few guy friends I’m still tight with are more verbal/communicative types.

This is a function of age only because I find myself more socially isolated in my 30’s, since many of my closest friends who used to be local now live hundreds or thousands of miles away. If you won’t pick up the phone or sit down to write an e-mail, you fade away.