That’s pretty much what my girlfriend said. I did get her to try a little ladybug massager and she said it did work and felt good, but she still just doesn’t have the drive to masturbate. Together, we’re fine and her sex drive is great.
I can’t imagine it being anybody’s business, but I suppose if I felt it was someone’s business I’d tell them about it.
But I believe women who say they don’t, especially if we’re talking pretty young women. When I was in high school, masturbation was considered something gross that people did out of desperation because they couldn’t get laid. So it was strongly associated with guys and really, really ugly girls. Now I ask you, what self-respecting teenage girl is going to do, much less announce to other people, that she’s doing something that brands her as one of the dogs?
Huh. I have a 17 year old daughter, and her friends are right up front about the masturbation. I’m certain that none of them see it as a sign of desperation or loserdom.
And you can orgasm during sex?
Maybe I’m a skeptic, but I have a lot of trouble believing that someone (including the girlfriend mentioned above) can regularly orgasm during intercourse or other types of sex but can’t/won’t/hasn’t on her own. I know those who’ve claimed to– but these are the same girls who later admitted to having their ‘first real orgasm’ many years later.
No, though my experience has been fairly limited.
Kinda TMI, I guess: [spoiler]Penetration, the one time I’ve experienced it, did nothing for me. Maybe it was because I was really drunk, but it was just like…“Are you done yet?”. I don’t know if it does nothing for me because I naturally have extremely low drive, or if I have extremely low drive because it apparently doesn’t do anything for me, but I seem not to function properly down there.
And technically I’ve really only tried masturbating once. The first time I was ten and the “Now you are a woman!” book my mom got me was like, “Sometimes women rub their genitals and it feels good; this is called masturbation,” so I tried it and, not surprisingly, nothing happened. The second time was when I was about 16 and it got me a little further, but nothing worth the ick-factor of shoving fingers into a bodily orifice.[/spoiler]
Why can’t you accept that some people’s sexuality and expression of same is different than yours? It is perfectly possible to orgasm during sex with a partner and still not masturbate. Our sexual proclivities are as unique as ourselves.
I don’t “indulge” on the same principle that I can’t tickle myself. It doesn’t turn me on. I’ve read Lonnie Barbach and done whatever–zilch. No, not even a vibrator–that is waaaaay too much stimulation. No thanks. Solitary sex does not work for me. I’m glad it works for you.
Also, I do orgasm fairly regularly in my sleep. I will leave the concrete details to the imagination; I’ve already shared more than I’m completely comfortable with.
More general remark: What annoys me is the message out there today that 1. everyone is having hot monkey sex all the time* and 2. that women must masturbate/use a vibrator/whatever, IOW, conform to the conventions of the day. In that respect, we are no better off than when we were supposed to keep impure thoughts out of our pretty heads and be dutiful about sex and our husband’s needs (different conventions from a different day). I’d like to see a day when all sexual ranges are accepted (excluding those that hurt minors etc).
*see Cosmopolitan magazine, MTV, myriad internet sites etc.
NinjaChick, pretty sure it’s not just you.
I’ve been having penetrative sex and…nothing. And not even rubbing up against my clitoris helps. It’s too distracting having anything in there. I pretty much have to have all conditions met perfectly for me to come at all. I was really disappointed when I first lost my virginity. I thought it would be like masturbation but ten times better. Then I eventually got a really good vibe and that was masturbation…but it went up to eleven!
The only reason I think it’s odd that people can come from sex with a partner without having ever masturbated is just that it seems so hard for (some) women to experience it. But I guess we’re all wired differently. I wish I were wired for penetrative sex to work on me. I did dig up that old vibrator thread we had a while back where some people were very anti-vibe, and I’m glad that most people I’ve encountered don’t have that attitude.
I guess I also am curious as to why someone would experience orgasm and then not want to do it every hour of the day. When I discovered it, I couldn’t stop. But then I was four and had no self-control. Best feeling ever!
Yes, I have and I do.
Ugh… damn server ate my first response.
I was clearly a late bloomer. I was an only child and never had anyone to ask or even bring up the subject of masturbation. I don’t recall any childhood masturbation trauma. I don’t think I discovered masturbation until my early 20’s, years after engaging in penetration-style sex.
I do recall my first time of “real” sex with my then-boyfriend (in the back seat of his 1969 Chevy, no less) and thinking (to myself, of course), “Is this all there is?” 
While I agree that this new Yes Means Yes movement where everyone’s got to be orgasming and using Rabbits every minute of the day is a bit annoying…
Sir T-Cups (why does that user name strike me as especially funny right now?) mentioned that his girlfriend thought masturbation was ‘gross’ (a sentiment echoed by some women in this thread and plenty in real life). I’m sorry, maybe I’m horribly judgmental, but I don’t think it’s healthy to consider touching oneself gross, even while having regular sex. Even having sex without ever having masturbated seems like a Bad Idea to me.
I forgot about this thread.
I agree with you, Cat Fight–masturbation should not be a source of shame or humiliation (unless one is in to such things–how tricky these new sexual mores can be! 
). I assure you I don’t view it in that light. I just don’t care for it.
I now see a new bit of (ridiculous) tricky ground: are we who don’t masturbate now assumed to be lying about it (that is, doing it but denying it) for some odd reason?
Honestly? I don’t see what anyone gets out of it. I’m not saying don’t do it or it’s gross or bad or wrong or [fill in the blank], but why?* So, go for it, all who like to do so, but know that there are many who don’t.
*I think it has do do with sex drive and ease of orgasm.
Of course it does. The thinking seems to be that everyone Wants It ALL THE TIME but that’s simply not true for lots of people.
I was having a conversation recently with a friend of mine. She’s married, with two young kids, and a nightmarish (at the moment) job.
If I were under that kind of pressure, I would be relentlessly horny, because sex is how I let off steam. She can’t even fathom that. And I can’t fathom her “I don’t even have time to feel horny, let alone to feel the need to do anything about it.” There’s nothing *wrong *with either of us, it’s just our bodies reacting differently. Glorious diverse humanity and all.
And the thing about masturbation in particular (as opposed to sex with a partner) is that there’s kind of no point in going there if you’re not already feeling it. She mentioned that she’s tried it when she has a window of opportunity, thinking “I’m so tense, I’d feel much better if I just had a damned orgasm”, but the thing is… it’s way too “okay, I have an hour… aaaaaaaaaaaand GO!” Too much pressure! She’s not already aroused, she’s not spectacularly orgasmic, and it winds up being an exercise in frustration that leaves her feeling worse.
The only advice I could give her was that if she knew she was going to have a window, start thinking her happy thoughts a couple of hours in advance. Anticipation is key! But if she’s not feeling it, she should get that laundry done instead, because it’d ultimately be more rewarding.
This is just the kind of thing I was talking about before. You don’t need to shove your fingers into a bodily orifice in order to masturbate. There’s no reason for any penetration to be involved at all unless you like it.
If you don’t want to masturbate then that is of course your business and I can’t say whether you’d find some other method more fun, but I’m not at all surprised you found your one experience to be a let down if you were just sticking your fingers into your vagina.
This. I will be forever indebted to the friend who turned me on to the notion of poising myself under a bathtub faucet with my legs up the wall… Except for the near drowning and flooding, it has been a wonderful friend to me!
I think I love you. There is more understanding and acceptance in this one post than I have experienced in RL (not that I go around talking about my masturbatory habits to all and sundry!). I may print it out, just as a reminder. Thank you.
Hmmm, in most cases, probably not. I am generally an open book with folks, but I have to admit, with subjects such as masturbation, I am a bit less shy when semi-anonymous online, and post here about slightly more sensitive subjects where I might not do so out IRL. But, given a comfortable situation, probably ladies only, and maybe after a margarita, I might join in a conversation with just such a subject
Because “our sexual proclivities are as unique as ourselves” only seems to apply to some large minority of women stemming from some heretofore undiscovered biological mechanism. Can you imagine a guy who liked sex but didn’t masturbate? I’m sure they exist out there, somewhere, but they’d be pretty rare. Insert Catholic priest joke here. It’s just very difficult to relate to.
A woman who doesn’t masturbate is a huge red flag for most men. If she doesn’t enjoy touching herself why would she want me touching her? It’s a pretty good heuristic.
I can understand having a low libido because it’s happened to me when I’m extremely busy / short on sleep / under the weather / sad / whatever. At the absolute worst, maybe two or three weeks will pass without my even considering it, not even thinking anything carnal. But even under these conditions I can become horny through the five senses, in a huge variety of ways, eventually. You don’t get that?
You have an extremely low libido of course, right? Or maybe I’m confusing you with another poster. Regardless, you must, because otherwise what you wrote makes no sense. Imagine if a guy said something like that, it would sound odd. “Sure, I get erections, my balls are about to burst, and it feels like I’m about to have a nervous breackdown…but, well, I don’t indulge.” Bwruh? More likely, a guy would just very rarely get horny in the first place.
It’s not like people sit down and decide, hey, you know what? I’m going to masturbate. That does happen from time to time, sure, but a lot of the time it’s more like the other way around. Your body says hello, how’s it going?
I’m probably a weird one, because I joke about sexual stuff constantly. And I’m the first one to say something like, “Man, I saw a picture of a dick with herpes. Be glad you didn’t click on that wiki link.”
But when it comes to talking about myself, I refuse to discuss it. I won’t admit or deny anything. I just change the subject. It makes me uncomfortable when people discuss having sex or masturbating, and I don’t like discussing it. It’s not that I don’t have sex, and it’s not that I find anything sexual dirty or wrong. I just don’t want to hear about anyone’s sex life, and I assume (usually correctly) that they don’t want to hear about mine.
Maybe it’s my tendency to draw up mental pictures… :o
If I had a dollar for every women who discussed the subject in a gathering of other women at a bar I would be rich. The talk is always about vibrators so it’s implied that they’re used… often. It usually starts with something like this: “did you see that program/movie where the ladies talked about the rabbit”. I even had a complete stranger tell about the toys she kept in her night stand. She just turned to me in her seat and started talking about them.
Alcohol. Natures truth serum.