Wonka's Golden Tickets in the Real World

I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - that is, the new movie based on the book - and that version of the story made me wonder. Made me wonder…

What would happen if there was a real Willy Wonka, and he actually put these five golden tickets in his chocolate bars? I think the reality would be pretty different from the story.

[ul][li]I’m sure North America and Europe eat a disproportionate portion of the world’s chocolate compared to their populations, but no way would the winners be five white kids like in the book and movies. Between India and China, you have almost 2.5 billion people, and half of the world’s people live in that general area, so you’d get at least one of them unless the Chinese government refused to import American chocolate due to tariff reasons or something.[/li][li]Rich jerks would definitely buy up billions of chocolate bars to get in. Like Mr. Salt, but worse. There is zero doubt in my mind that Donald Trump would get at least one golden ticket. I’d kill to see what would happen to him in that factory. And Richard Branson would get one and he’d make people do some stupid fucking dare on TV to win it. George Soros might also give a ticket away to whoever came up with the best harangue of George Bush, and some dictator might also buy up the bars to get in. That’d be great, wouldn’t it? If Robert Mugabe or Fidel Castro (especially Castro) met Wonka at the gates?[/li][li]At least one ticket would be sold for huge bucks on eBay. The movie sort of deals with this fact, indirectly.[/li][li]The news coverage would be horribly crazy and last for weeks.[/li][li]Naturally, the four non-winners would sue Wonka for their injuries and emotional damage. They’d probably win the chocolate factory. The Salt Co. employee would probably sue Mr. Salt to get back the ticket she found, and some disappointed kids and parents might sue Wonka for not making enough golden tickets.[/li][/ul]

Reality? In a Wonka movie? Are you on drugs?
How has the factory operated all this time without health inspectors? If they had health inspections, how did they slip by squirrels in the food processing area? (Squirrelsopening nuts with their teeth)
Naaaah, better not to convolve Wonka with reality.

Hey, a brush with rabies is a small price to pay for that luscious, velvety smooth chocolate.

Mmmm… rabies.

I don’t like to think of it realistically. It’s too damn depressing.

Having only seen the '71 version, I don’t know if this issue is dealt with in any way during the new version, but…

…there’s that scene where they enter the enormous room with the chocolate river which eventually claims the fat kid.

Wonka says something along the lines of “Everything you see here is edible.”

Can you imagine the stench of that room after a week or two? Ya know… once the rats, flies, molds, and other decay agents get in. And they WILL get in.

Unless, hmm… Is the room actually kept at 33F? That would reduce most of the decay, wouldn’t it?

Or maybe the ‘food’ is, like, 99% additives and preservatives? Mmmm, that’s good MSG!

And what happens if the power goes out? Once that freakin’ huge river of chocolate solidifies, there’ll be no cleaning it again! Most of the plumbing would have to be replaced, at the very least.

And the smell… did I mention the smell? :eek:
Oh, and the ticket winners themselves? I guarantee not one of 'em would give back the gobstopper. Not in 2005, not never.

Unless, of course, they’d ever heard the story of Willie Wonka before. Even then it would be close.

Not to mention, what happens when the National Labor Relations Board (well, England’s equivalent, I suppose) and their Immigration board come down on Willie Wonka for laying off the plant’s workers (has their union complained?) and replacing them with illegal immigrants!

Well, it depends on WonkaCorp’s distribution arrangements. Perhaps Wonka is sold under a different brand name in all countries outside of England/US and are thus, ineligible for the promotion. Or maybe Wonka chocolate is only really strong in western countries and people in Asia prefer a different style of chocolate.

I’m not so sure. IIRC, the entire campaign went for nearly a year IIRC. From this site, US chocolate consumption averages about 4.6 - 4.8KG a year. Assuming Wonka has 1/2 the market and the average bar is 100g, that would mean each person would have consumed about 25 bars of chocolate. times by 300 million people means approximately 7.5 billion bars or 1.5 billion bars per ticket. At a conservative $3 per bar, that would be nearly $5 billion per ticket. Even Bill Gates would have a hard time ponying up that level of cash just to get inside Wonka’s factory. And I’m sure it would be much, much more since chocolate consumption would have obviously gone up massively due to the promotion.

Maybe Wonka had them sign massive liability waviers as a condition of entering the factory.

In the 1971 movie, of course, they did – there’s a wonderful scene with a legal document that covers a wall, with print receding into the microscopic at the bottom. The 2005 film doesn’t bother with mundane legalities.

Yes, but the children sign it, not their parents/guardians. I’m not sure it would stand up in a court of law.


I was asking myself that for a good ten minutes after the movie ended. “What’s real?” “Am I on drugs?” “SHOULD I be?”

If we’re being realistic, somehow I doubt that this approach would occur to many real-world rich jerks. Poor investment strategy.

If Donald or Bill really wanted to see the inside of the factory, it would make more sense to organize a hostile takeover and then give Wonka a lead parachute.

Then they could get chocolate all over their Gucci shoes and benefit from the all the future output of the factory, which would be even more profitable when the Oompa Loompas health benefits were cut, they replaced cane sugar with corn sugar in all the corporate confections, and moved 75% of the budget out of production and into marketing.

These days, kids are murdered for their sneakers. If the Wonka golden tickets were real, I would expect that the ticket-holders would need some hefty protection.

You raise a good point here. However, the guys I’m talking about, especially Trump, are publicity hounds. They don’t want to own the factory and don’t care about seeing it. They’d just want to win a super-high-profile contest because it was out there.

Interesting responses here. I always figured that a real-life golden ticket contest would be largely ignored by most people. I mean, there’re pretty much always multiple contests going on that involve checking the inside of a candy wrapper or the underside of a bottle top or somesuch. I just can’t imagine anyone getting too worked up about the chance to tour a factory, rumors about its operation notwithstanding.

Don’t forget all the lawsuits by the people that try to eat the golden ticket.

Why? Wonka Chocolate LLC is probably a wholly owned subsidiary of Trump Enterprises, Inc; if not already, it could be in a heartbeat if Trump desired it. The Donald can tour the chocolate factory any time he wants ("Wonka, you’re FIRED!!)

That’s true. I was treating it as if Wonka and his chocolate were just as popular and beloved as they were in the book.

I believe Wonka Candy is a privately-held corporation, or possibly even some other bizarre legal structure. At any rate, I doubt it’s a publicly traded stockholder corporation, so there’s no way to carry out a hostile takeover.

Why buy $5,000,000,000.00 worth of bars when you could probably buy a golden ticket from a real winner for about $10,000,000.00 or less. Certainly far less than a billion. It would certainly make an interesting E-bay item.