The question I want to ask is why did Soon-Yi not get any flack for betraying her adopted mother by developing and, yes* choosing * to be in a relationship with mom’s boyfriend. Isn’t that pretty sleazy? She gave you a much much better life here in the States. A child’s betrayal against a parent is far worse than a boyfriend’s betrayal.
I wish both of them the best, I am of the firm belief that one should find happiness and love any way they can. My critique isn’t really about them, it’s more about us. Why did we find Allen’s betrayal against Farrow worse than Soon-Yi’s betrayal against Farrow? I think it has to do with a kind of irrational ‘ickiness’ factor. The much older man, the adopted Asian daughter of his girlfriend.
Incest? I don’t see how incest could possibly come into play. She’s the grown up adopted daughter of his girlfriend. That’s not incestuous. Dating mom’s boyfriend is pretty sleazy.
Soon-Yi was eight when Allen started dating her adopted mother. If the family dynamic between the three was fucked up, don’t blame the one who was still in primary school when it started.
Her youth. Teens are known for acting impetuously, as their psyches are not yet fully developed. Society is much more tolerant of youthful transgressions than ones from older people who “should know better.” That’s why we have a juvenile court and an adult court. Had she been in her late 20s or early 30s, there would have been less tolerance of Soon-Yi.
The difference in their ages. When you have a huge disparity in age, one party is often viewed as exploiting the other’s naivete via manipulation. In this case, Woody being the older and presumably wiser party was seen as being the corrupter of the young and inexperienced Soon-Yi. In other cases, such as Anna Nicole Smith, the younger person is viewed as being the corrupter of the feeble-minded older person.
Their familiar relationship. He was a father figure to Soon-Yi, whether or not he was biologically her father. As we all know, parents have a unique power over their children, because of their age, authority, and physical size. Society considers it the sole responsibility of the parents to establish and keep clear boundaries.
Actually, even Mia Farrow agrees he was never a father figure to Soon-Yi. Her father figure is André Previn. They barely spoke before her very late teens. Say what you will about Mia, but she seems to have been fairly good about keeping proper distance between her older children and the men in her life while the children were growing up, whatever happened later.
Soon-Yi was the daughter of a prostitute who physically abused her, and left her at an orphanage when she was eight. Mommy’s favorite abuse was to slam her head in the door. After Mia adopted her, she played the “outsider” role in the family.
Obviously, Soon-Yi has mommy issues. Her fucking Woody was a “fuck you” to both her biological and adoptive mother. I think Woody married her to make himself look better “See? It’s true love.” She married him as the ultimate topper to Mia’s relationship.
Soon-Yi was 19 when she started dating Allen. She married him when she was 27.
Mia Farrow married to Frank Sinatra at age 21.
Both women were adults when they started dating an older man who was a close friend of their family.
You can’t condemn one for having a relationship with an older man without condemning the other.
From what I’ve seen about Soon-Yi is that she is a very level-headed woman who knew what she was doing.* She never considered Allen a father figure (that was Andre Previn, who was there first and treated her like a father) and she didn’t start dating Allen until after he had broken up with Mia.
It’s a betrayal of sorts, but not a crime. Both she and Allen insist that they just discovered that the two of them were compatible, and there’s no evidence to contradict that.
*If you want to do cut-rate armchair psychology, she is reminiscent of the character of Tracy in Manhattan – the most mature person in the movie. But it’s a loser’s game to try to read to much into the psychology of an author from his work.
And Soon-Yi has stayed with man for all this time and has adopted children with him just to screw Mia and her birth mother. Yeah, Soon-Yi must be the most vindictive person on the planet. She takes revenge fucking to a whole new level.
RealityChuck the age difference isn’t the problem here, at least to me. (There are people who do shame age-disparate couples, in general, but that’s not really relevant here). The problem I have is with the quasi familial relationship. And yes, I know Previn was neither the biological nor legally adopted child of Woody, but let’s be serious here. I don’t see the relevance of Mia and Sinatra.
Regardless of whether Woody Allen molested Dylan, all three of these folks seem like fairly unpleasant people.
You have a good point. I was thinking in terms of Soon-Yi, as a child-women stuck in issues of her childhood as the perfect foil for Mr. Allen and his interest in her.
As far as her culpability, while I know nothing about her, holding her ultimately responsible seems absurd given her background. Perhaps at some later date when she has clarity about her motives she may be able to take personal responsibility for her part in this incestuous tangle. At present she seems strong, perhaps coldly so, and may be in survival mode.
When a person is in that state they do whatever is necessary and possible to survive the things from the past that haunt them.
It wasn’t incest, but, as a typical woman scorned, Mia started calling it incest, and people who didn’t like Allen’s dating a younger woman could think of nothing better, so, they glommed onto the incest theme…it fairly well stuck.