In that case, I would use the term “the other man”.
It really isn’t something you would see today
It goes something like this
Wealthy man has a wife that wants to go to the opera, balls, etc. He doesn’t want to go. But it’s just not done for a woman to go to these events without a male escort. So he could go, or deal with his wife’s anger… or get a male friend who actually likes doing these things to escort his wife. That’s the basics. If money changes hands, that occurs privately
That was called a Walker, but wasn’t sexual.
“I ain’t saying it’s right. But you’re saying a foot massage don’t mean nothing, and I’m saying it does. Now look, I’ve given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don’t, but they do, and that’s what’s so f^^^ing cool about them. There’s a sensuous thing going on where you don’t talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, f^^^ing Marsellus knew it, and Antoine should have f^^^ing better known better. I mean, tht’s his f^^^ing wife, man, he can’t be expected to have a sense of humor about that sh*t. You know what I’m saying?“
A woman of a certain age was a single woman considered too old to marry (over 30, possibly divorced) but too young to be a spinster (under 50). Professor Hill would term them “sadder but wiser.”
Really, I always saw “long-time companion” as a euphemism for a gay couple before people were out.
I’ve never heard the expression Back Door Man. Outside of any context I’d assume homosexual slur. In the context of a Female-Male relationship I’d still think it was about the sexual position rather than the nature of the relationship.
so was "roommate"e in the early 1900s … that’s why people used the term “boarder” if they rented out rooms
gigolo is the term these days tho if one is financially supporting the lover
Not knowing anything about Ali Wong, I resorted to google for information
She apparently uses “side piece” to mean a person someone is having an affair with.
I googled it, and the first hit says
cicisbeo
/ˌtʃɪtʃɪzˈbeɪəʊ/
noun
noun: cicisbeo; plural noun: cicisbei; plural noun: cicisbeos
- a married woman’s male companion or lover.
I’m not sure this is going to help clarify the meaning of the term, but here’s another place it appears in a very well known song: AC DC’s Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.
If you got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain’t got the guts
She keeps naggin’ at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts
Pick up the phone, leave her alone
It’s time you made a stand
For a fee, I’m happy to be
Your back door man, woo
I Googled it and my first hit was:
cicisbeo
/ci·ci·ṣbè·o/
sostantivo maschile
Nel '700, l’accompagnatore ufficiale di una dama (con una sfumatura di galanteria e leziosità, che non è in cavalier servente).
2.
estens.
Vagheggino, corteggiatore galante.
Kidjanot:
If the great linguist of the ages like Jim Morrison, Robert Plant and Bon Scott cannot get the term backdoor man into the common everyday vernacular then all hope for that phrase is lost.
Same here. I’ve heard the joking term “back-door Suzie” about girls who don’t want to get pregnant. I have trouble making out lyrics when rock stars are screaming them, so I’ve never noted the term “back door man” until now and I don’t think I’ve ever heard the Doors song.
I agree, I would assume back door man has overtones of class more than sex, as in “tradesmen use rear entrance” signs. (Which of course, has joking sexual connotations too)
OTOH, Call Me was the Blondie theme song from American Gigilo and “gigilo” been a pretty common term in western culture for decades implying “man for hire (by older woman)”. As I understood it, it implied at least a medium-term relationship not a one-night stand, but more for a rich single older woman (50’s? 60’s?). It also implied more of a unhidden role, rathern than “mistress” which implies a married man sneaking around on his wife.
I find the English translation to exactly the same word to be most helpful and enlightening. Thanks, Google.
“back door man” and “rent boy” are, to this old fart at least, usually applied to gay men rather than male partners for women. Rent boys were male prostitutes - often underaged, at a time when homosexual relationships were illegal.
“Mistress” implies a “kept woman”, or at least one whom a married man largely supports.
I can think of no good word for a “kept man”. That may be because it’s not common enough to warrant a specific descriptor. Or at least not discussed enough. Historically a married woman might well have a lover though.
“Sancho” would be the term I am familiar with.
Led Zeppelin also used a variation of the phrase in “Since I’ve Been Loving You”:
I open my front door, hear my back door slam
I agree - I think a lot of the words mentioned are either gender neutral or don’t mean quite the same thing as “mistress”. “Back door man” almost fits except that 1) it seems to have multiple meanings ( the others being more sexually explicit) and 2 ) it seems specific to a particular culture ( Southern and/or blues as far as I can tell) rather than a word in general usage.
If made-up words for the purpose of the thread count:
Misteress
Manstress