What you have to have for a girl like that

This is just a little anecdote that I found amusing, and althought it’s long, lame, and rambling, it goes without saying that I consider you a humorless troglodyte if you don’t find it amusing too.

I was out running errands this afternoon. I needed to stop at the Home Despot, I had some free movie coupons from Blockbuster I wanted to use up, and I needed a new office chair. I’m currently typing this from atop a 5 coaster office chair with only two coasters left. If I were to get carried away with the latest Teagan Presley photoset, I’d probably be found dead, days from now, from the broken neck I suffered when the chair upended itself. ‘Twould be tres embarrassing.

Anyway, the chair purchase was amusing in its own way, but that’s not what this story is about. Staples was out of stock of the $99 poor man’s version of the Herman Miller I really wanted, and the well meaning sales person informed me that I could have the floor model for, I am not kidding, a $5 upcharge. I guess in some misguided way this does follow the laws of supply and demand, but at the same time it defies the overarching rules of logic. After declining to pay extra for the privilege of owning a chair that already bears the impression of numerous strange asses, I decided to treat myself to a beer or two and a burger.

My favorite place for this is one that I know can’t possibly last more than a few more months before collapsing under the weight of it’s own mismanagement. You see, this place employs 2 to 3 hostess, about 10 waitresses per shift, a manager or 3, and 2 bartenders, all for a clientele that never tops 15 at any given moment. The food is good, and without exception, the staff is highly representative of the beautiful and friendly young woman demographic. I know what you are thinking, but it’s just a restaurant. I like it though.

Today, I was followed in by a couple of middle aged men who decided to sit next to me at the bar. I smiled and said hello, and at first they seemed normal enough. It is then that the bartender working our end, who was 2nd in looks only to perhaps the hostess, who herself looked like a thinner and younger Jessica Alba, wandered over to them. The bartender looked like Jennifer Esposito, but the blonde hair looked completely natural on her (apologies to Ms. Esposito on whom the blonde hair looks good, but not entirely natural.)

The duo make the usual tired overtures, but I guess you can’t expect better. I’m a bit uncomfortable how loudly they praise her ass as she walks away, and sure enough she overhears and shoots me a “what did I do to deserve this?” look.

Having failed to get a reaction, and being politely, but noticeably avoided, they decide to be a bit more passive aggressive.

“Hey!” Shouts looser number one. “What do you find interesting in a guy? Looks? Money?"

The bartender has been down this path before, so she has an answer at the ready. “Looks fade, and if you aren’t smart, you can’t keep your money… so smarts, and a sense of humor.”

Looser number two then starts giggling. “A bitch like that will suck you dry. Look at her, she’s not beautiful, but she’s young and sexy and she knows it.”

Looser number one chimes in, “Yeah, you know what you need to get a girl like that? A really, really nice car.”

To which looser number two nods and adds, “And a boat. You gotta have a boat. That’s what you need for a girl like that.”

“Yeah, but without that, she wouldn’t notice a nice guy like you,” says looser number two. “She’ll look at a chump like this,” motioning to your humble narrator, “but she doesn’t know a nice guy when she meets one.”

After failing to talk her into doing shots, they leave a pitiful tip and quit the place. “What was that about?” She asks me.

“They seemed to have some sort of a problem.”

“They complained about me?” she asked, unable to believe it.

“Not about the service. They just don’t know how to approach a pretty girl.” This made her blush, but I’m not the least bit sorry about it. She was even prettier when she was blushing.

‘Nice guy’. Why is this code for ‘bitter guy who isn’t getting any, and probably doesn’t deserve any either’? And hey, if a girl is going to tell you what she finds attractive, why not take the calculated risk of believing her? Any theories?

Funny thing, life. By the time you’ve got most things figured out, you’re too old to do anything about it.

The difference between any good looking person and any ‘average or less’ looking person is something they have no control over. But the things that make people happy, or sad, typically have NOTHING to do with appearance.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs doesn’t have a level for ‘looks good’ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow’s_hierarchy_of_needs)

But believe me, two drunk asses at the bar have ZERO chance of hooking up with the staff. They get that daily.


“Looser” is more loose than loose.

“Loser” is the type of person you were talking about.

Because it’s usually an equivalent title. They sabotage themselves by making friends with a woman and then trying to wiggle their way out of the friend zone. When it doesn’t work out they seek out the closest sympathetic (or too-polite-to-refuse) ear and spend the night excreting enough self-pity for the world’s entire population of goths and their familiars to drown in.

Wouldn’t need to happen if you’re up front about it from the start.

That and their definition of “nice” is usually personality-less doormat who doesn’t beat her or cheat on her.

Haha…I have nothing to say except that I saw this in the mouse-over and cracked up.

The guys are pretty much insulting her, accusing her of being shallow. Saying she would only be interested in a guy if he drove a nice car and had a boat. That would make her rather shallow if that was all she was interested in.

But they don’t realize they are doing the same thing. The only reason they would have to be interested in this woman is because she is young and sexy. They don’t know anything about her. They don’t know if she has anything to offer other than having a praise worthy ass to look at. But for some reason they see nothing wrong with that. In fact, they cut her down by saying she wouldn’t even notice a nice guy that doesn’t have a boat.

Well, I wonder how many nice, but unattractive, women those guys notice? Somehow they seem to think there is nothing wrong with them being interested in someone just based on looks, but then have a problem if they think a woman is interested in someone just based on how much money they have.

Why don’t these guys ever see how ironic is is for them to complain about a woman only being interested in money, instead of looking for a nice guy, when the only reason they are interested in her is because of her looks, and not because she is a nice person?

It’s reproductive value. The girl is attractive because she seems fertile and attractive (which will in turn produce attractive offspring, etc). And it’d be stupid of a woman who, when given a choice between two equally attractive men (health, confidence, etc) chooses the less wealthy.

My guess: not too many, and even then they would be most likely to poke fun at her for being physically unattractive.

I’m not going to defend these asswipes, but if I had a dime for every time I over heard a woman talking to one of her other female friends about “so-n-so guy”

It goes something to the tune of this"

“So Amy tell me about this new guy Bob you’re dating.”

“Oh he’s really nice. He’s a home owner, drives a nice car and has his own business… blah, blah, blah.”

I just find it rather intresting that the first attributes certain women use to describe a potential mate have everything to do with wealth and nothing to do with the man’s character.

I also find it intresting how the less attractive women are more inclined to descibe a man in the exact opposite way.

Guess I am seriously stupid then … I picked an enlisted mrAru over an officer.

And I guess I am too dumb to divorce him, its been what? 15 years now …


Sense of humor, steady work history, warm and cuddly and a nice ass all in one man. :stuck_out_tongue:

Fine. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m paraphrasing the Lord my Gawd Richard Dawkins. Given our ability to rationalize though language and lack of impartial perspective I fear none of us is qualified to self-evaluate. It might well be confirmation bias, or a twisted perspective from living in a place like Hong Kong, or both, but money does matter.

And let’s not pretend money isn’t a source of power, or that power isn’t sexy.

Please don’t be offended. I mean only that your husband is more attractive than you think.

You know what? I have never, ever dated a guy based on how much money he made. In fact, I have dated plenty of guys who made less than I do. I also think I’m fairly attractive, so it’s not that I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel. The thing is, the guys with less money aren’t necessarily any nicer than guys with money. To the contrary, guys with crappy jobs or no jobs, at this stage of life, tend to have something very wrong with them, usually some personality or psychological problem that has caused them to be destitute in their 30’s.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who is gainfully employed, has a car that runs, and takes care of his own financial needs. I need to start dating guys like that, because the “loosers” (sic) that are poor and getting poorer at 35 are usually broke for a reason… and I don’t mean student loan debt either.

Hmm…As a self-employed type, I always suspected that part of the “gainfully employed” requirement was really “knows when to take crap and ask for seconds”… :dubious:

I’m not sure what you are talking about. Are you suggesting that unless you are self employed, you have a submissive streak?

Nope. Or, at least, not for me. “Gainfully employed” means “has a reason to get out of bed in the morning other than to go drinking with his friends.” YMMV.

I’m suggesting that a woman who puts “company man” high on her list of desirable mate qualities probably has more in mind than just finding a guy who isn’t a parasite. To me it also says “conventional,” “used to playing the game,” “safe when I need him to be, but patriarchal when I need that, too”, and “I’m materialistic and status-seeking, so UB2.”

When I was managing restaurants, I used to love these customers. They brightened up my shift when my bar and serving staff complained, and I got to “ask” them to leave. First nicely, and then not so nicely. I don’t tolerate that sort of behavior in my place.

:dubious: You talkin’ to me?


The women I’m talking about in particular take it to the other extreme though. Although I doubt they are the majority; they are in fact the ones that tend to stick in our (us guys) heads though.

That’s why I wouldn’t defend the asswipes in the OP. If they’re too stupid to realize that, then they deserve don’t deserve to get “laid” let alone anything more meaning full.

However, if I may play the devils advocate: (heh, heh)

When you say a “car that runs.” Do you mean a car that runs? Or a car that wont embarass you as your pulling up to the restraunt of choice you and your potential mate might be eating at that evening?


Just say’n.