The Perfect Girl...

The BBQ Pit
1

I work with this girl that I find Really Really attractive, no I mean REALLY attractive. It got me wondering, I mean shes hot and all but wtf is Soooooooooooooooooo special about her, while I pondered this I was listening to my mp3 player, I will be listing some songs I was listening to at the time.
I asked myself what are the things that drive men nuts, the things that are pretty universal.
Eyes, she has incredible eyes
Smile, Christ her smile is dangerous, all those cheesy things they say about an amazing smile, to true.
Exotic Accent, Check
Exotic Girl, Check (shes from somalia)
Great Body, Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Delicious (or so I assume)
Mutual Attraction, yeah you know what I mean, when its clear that you are both on the same wave length.

personal preferences
Shes tall, about 5’10" not that I really care that much about height but it is ocasionaly nice to actually kiss the girl your’e screwing WHILE your’e screwing her. (I’m 6’3")
Intelligent, ah yeah shes got that intuative kind of mind that sees where you are going when you have hardly started talking.

so yeah there I am (Reverend Horton Heat, Nurture My Pig) getting my mac on,(James Brown, Sex Machine) flirting up a storm (Chili Peppers, Special Secret Song) shes smiling, being pretty flirty back at me (Ween, Let Me Lick Your @#%) when it hits me, not like an epiphany hits you (Southern Culture on the Skids, Walk Like a Camel) more like an angry fist hits you out of nowhere, This Lovely Creature, (FishBone, Bonin in the Bone Yard) This Damn Fine woman that I am so sprung on, (Garbage, Slept Together) Naked Funk, Jenny @#% Lately) is Muslem.

No not oh my god shes a terrorist! more like Dude What are you thinking? shes really Muslem,Head Scarf, long sleeved shirts, long skirts only, no skin to skin contact exept with her husband and so on. She is the kind of girl the Catholic church wishes they were popping out of catholic schools across the country. I dont have a problem with her religeon so much and I have a problem getting married, I am looking at moving out of state soon, I dont have time for a long term relationship let alone one thats as serious as I forsee this one getting.

so basically after a long period of being broke and depressed over a ton of B.S. I am ready to get on with things and the first Hottie I find is a member of a very strict Religeon while I am somewhere between devout Athiest and vaugely agnostic who really just wants a nice girl to see if I cant put her into a state of orgasmic bliss 12 times a night.

oh yeah I almost forgot
/primalscream on
F*****************************************CK!
/primalscream off

ok I am really just hoping somone logs on and tells me Muslem Girls make Catholic School girls look like Mrs. Cleaver in comparasion but I aint getting my hopes up.

OMFG I am typeing this out while half asleep and somone fed the squirrels valum or some shit! oh please oh please dear god let this stick.

2

Well, it stuck.

3

didnt it just. is this a rant?

4

Eh, I dated a hard core titheing works-for-the-church Seventh Day Adventist for a while. The sex was great.

5

or a cry for sympathy, as i also meant to say. unfortunately, you cant always get what you want. fuck knows i spent enough time chasing women that in the end didnt want to know. but thats a tale for the campfire. boo hoo.

6

So, ummm…

Does she give head?

7

And such a pity she won’t want to build a relationship with such a romantic soul.

8

Kissing during sex worked just fine despite the 8 inches I had on the last girl.

9

There’s a joke in this somewhere. I would replace on with in, but that doesn’t make sense.

This whole thing doesn’t make sense.

10

I think the OP is broken.

11

Yes, it needs sharpening.

12

I’ll contain my wise-assedness and try to help you. I suggest reading Aman: The Story of a Somali Girl, an autobiography. What’s surprising is how many lovers “Aman” (not her real name) had, and how many of those she wasn’t married to. Actually, the majority of her lovers weren’t married to her. Plus, I don’t think Islam is mentioned at all in the book. Granted, Aman could be atypical in her unreligious behaviour, plus the whole sleeping around thing, but I kind of doubt it, seeing as how she started out as a herdsman’s naive rural daughter (and turned into a herdsman’s naive urban daughter, but you’ll have to read the story yourself). I suspect that Somalis practice a relaxed form of Islam, probably modified to fit better in Somali culture. Of course, your girl might turn out be a religious fundamentalist.

Plus, are you black? Africans have certain ideas about non-Africans, and they also have certain ideas about non-Africans who are black. There’s no black solidarity as far as Africans are concerned, and they tend to see African-Americans as distinctly different from real Africans.

13

So you know some hot girl, but you can’t screw her because of her beliefs? What a heartwarming story.

That aside, that’s a few minutes of my life that I’m never going to get back.

~ Isaac

14

At least you have good musical tastes. S.C.O.T.S. and RHH rock.

15

I was always told that the perfect girl was 3 feet tall, had handle bars for ears and a flat head so I could rest my beer. Damnit, I’ve been looking for the wrong woman all my life!

16

Different people have different feelings about their religion and the rules of their religion. You might want to be very careful about making assumptions based on a person’s race or religion. I had a brief, but very pleasant relationship with a lady from Egypt who was Muslim. Of course the fact that we meet while drinking in a bar (a violation of Islamic law) was an a bit of a clue that religion wouldn’t prevent our attraction.

17

Uh, I’ve dated, at various times, a couple of observant Muslim women, a Sikh, and a fundamentalist Christian. I don’t remember so much gnashing of teeth over it. In point of fact, I don’t remember it being much of an issue at all, except in the case of my low tolerance for the fundamentalist Christian woman’s taste in music, which ran to caterwauling Christian rock, and it looks as though you’re covered, there.

Hell, my oldest friend, a pot-smokin’, vintage fetish-porn collectin, Russ Meyer movie watchin’ football hooligan, just moved out of town to buy a house and settle down with a nice fundamentalist woman. Of course, he’s going to church and all that now, too. Yay for Jay!

So, like, relax. Look past the boobies and the belief system, young paduan. She’s a human being, and likely to be just as easy to coexist with as any other human being selected at random.

18

Yeah, that’s about what I was thinking.

Critical1, there is no perfect girl. Quit putting these women up on a pedistal or you’ll never have a decent relationship.

19

Stop Right There. You work with her. Take a cold shower & move on, because you should know better than to dip your pen in company ink.

20

Reading comprehension is your friend
“I am looking at moving out of state soon, I dont have time for a long term relationship let alone one thats as serious as I forsee this one getting.”

sorry I would love to spend some real time with this girl and find out all sorts of things about her, as it happens one of the few things I do know is you dont talk about sex, at all. someone asked what a vasectomy was and when she found out the explanation involved sex organs she left. this and a few other things let me know that shes pretty strict.

sorry if this was less than coherant, it was really late and the board was busy shitting bricks or whatever it does when things stop working. basically I have run into a really interesting woman and I dont have time to spend getting to know her beyond a few dates.
this isnt a rant about her beliefs, its not a rant about not getting any, its pretty much a rant about meeting somone really fucking attractive on a ton of different levels and knowing I am moving far away soon.

its the rant hall, I cant rant if I want to. and as inchoherantly as I want to damnit!