I suddenly love going to the grocery store

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

And it’s because of Hot Deli Girl. :smiley:
I have neverm in my life, seen a more beautiful woman working in a deli. She has long, dark hair, always a plus, and eyes that are, well, exotic is almost the only way to desribe them. Almost Asian-like, but she’s very white, so they are unexpected. She even seems to have a nice atitude about her job. Never bitchy, always nice to the customers (even the jerks who are demanding about every little thing.) There is but one (well, two…but one big) problem.

I can’t, for the life of me, tell how old she is. She seriously has one of those faces that could be anywhere in the range of 15-22. I have no idea if she’s in highschool with an after-school job, college with a part-time job to pay the bills, or that’s her full-time job, or anything in between. If I didn’t have to work during school hours, I could just go in a few times between 8 and 3 and see if she’s there. I mgiht have to start going on my lunch break (of course, it would also force me to buy my lunch there, but their sandwiches are generally alright.) But do I really want to possibly pay $4 just to see a hot girl and confirm or deny her highschool status? Seems…almost desperate.

The other problem is that I can’t talk to women, but I don’t really care about that, cause I’m content to just look for the time being…I jsut want to make sure that, by looking, I’m not slowly on the path to statutory rape in my mind. :eek:

2

Well, if she’s not available, Google is offering plenty of alternatives. $4 doesn’t sound that expensive for such valuable information.

3

Dude, you could have a beautiful girlfriend with silky hair that always reeks of honey baked ham. Get thee over thy nervousness.

4

Assuming you’re in the US… if she’s running the slicer she is almost certainly 18 or older. Most states don’t allow people younger than 18 to play with the shiny spinny blades.

This does not preclude your locality having different minumin age requirements, or the store violating the law…

5

Of ocurse, I could jsut go with the direct approach:

“If I were to do you, would I go to jail?” :smiley:

6

If that’s your best, stick with the silently worshipping from afar.

7

Don’t sweat it. If you’re as shy as you say, by the time you’ve worked up the courage to talk to her, she’ll be legal! Or married. Or dead.

8

Here’s a good opening line to try: “I couldn’t help but notice the skill you show when handling that meat.” Alternatively, “You handle that meat like a real pro.”

Just make sure you work “meat” in whenever possible.

9

Hey, that’s not too bad of an idea

Man, I went down in flames the other day! I was talking to a really pretty girl, she was pretty in a very plain way-- she had long straight hair and octagonal glasses and was wearing purple cordoroys and a plain button down seventies looking shirt (the hottest in my opinion.). Somehow her glasses came up and I was complimenting her on them and her style, and I said “Yea, baby! You’re Scooby Doo!”. She smiled and said, “What does that mean?”. I explained, “You know, like Velma!”

She was insulted and left.

Ah well, guess I was off on the look she was trying to cultivate.
Scooby Doo is a huge compliment in my book! Too bad she was so uptight.

10

Do you enjoy the taste of meat? Do you prefer white meat or dark meat? Is an eight-inch sausage too much to handle? Do you enjoy schnitzengruben? If you had a choice, which would you choose: a curved banana, a fat cucumber or a long skinny sausage? Do you like franks and beans?

11

Just go up to her and ask her if she wants to play hide the salami.

Well, maybe that wouldn’t be the best thing to do.

12

Yes.

Do you want her or not? :slight_smile:

13

Ask her if she handles “organ meats”. :wink:

Seriously, though, you should just approach her. And eventually find out if she’s Icelandic, half-Asian, or what.

14

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

Go for it.

15

Even that is all a matter of timing, language and nuance.
If you have the balls and being, you could do it.
A sense of humor is always good.

You have also made an impression on her for better or worse.

It doesn’t matter whether you have a good or bad reputation, just as long as you have a reputation.

16

Approach her and tell her “Hey, baby, I want a chicken sandwich, but I can’t decide between breast or thigh…I just know I want that hot meat slapped onto a white bun…with plenty of spicy mustard, and maybe some potato salad on the side, baby. Yeah, give it to me on a paper plate or maybe in a polystyrene clamshell; they’re not recyclable, if you get my drift.”

If it doesn’t thrill her or baffle her into submission, at least it’ll get her to make your sandwich really fast to get you on your way. Good service is hard to come by, after all.

Seriously, though, I have the same problem you do; I’m terrible at guessing ages and while it’s acceptable to pick up on someone who’s 25, if they turn out to be 15 it’s just mortifying. I suggest making chitchat and asking where she goes to school. That should at least tell you if she’s a high schooler or a college girl.

17

Whatever happened to that other Doper who had a crush on a deli girl? I can’t remember if he ever asked her out…

18

Just don’t ask her if she’s today’s special.

(I know, a relevant Garfield strip… Is that a sign of the Apocalypse?)

19

So it was bouv that was tempted to put his penis in the pickle slicer?

20

At the pharmacy in the grocery store I used to go to until I moved last month, there worked the fairest lass in the land.

Annie. Her name tag said Ann Marie, but I was to call her Annie. Because she told me to.

Long, straight, light reddish blond hair. Perfect porcelain complexion, the biggest, blue eyes ever, and a smile that could melt lead.

From the very first visit, I was deeply smitten. Made this old guy’s heart bounce around like a kitten in a sack when I’d see her working. And she always, from day one seemed as though she was extra-nice to me. I wondered if I was imagining things, then went through this phase where I questioned if it was a good thing that the girl at the pharmacy knew me that well? After all, you gotta be there a lot to have that familiarity, and being there a lot means you take a lot of presciption meds, and so what must she think? That I’m a guy twice her age loading up on cholesterol and diabetes drugs.

So I started watching how she interacted with others while I was in line. Nice, polite, and friendly in a business sort of way. And I saw that no, indeed she seemed to treat me differently. Others would get asked their name, and have their address confirmed. When it was my turn, it was “Hi Mr Bus Guy…!” and off to get my stuff. Returning with my things and always some nice light conversation. Again, wondering if it was just because I’m a frequent flier.

Oh, and whatever scent she wore comes from heaven. I think it’s a hand lotion or cream because I’d only notice it when I got the credit card back or got handed my stash. Yeah, we’d touch hands and I’d have to stop myself from collapsing on the spot.

Come the day I went in for the last time to pick up some pills (Pravachol, I shant ever forget…) and notify them to switch my prescriptions to the place in my new town. She wasn’t working when I was at the counter, so I did my business and left slightly dejected. But as I was leaving the store, we met outside - she on her way to work, me leaving.

Angelic Annie: “Hey Mr Bus Guy, looks like I missed you”

mr bus guy: “Not really, here I am…” (I know my witty repartee amazes
you)

**MBG: ** “I’m glad at least I got to see you, I wanted to say bye (then explaining the situation)”

AA: “Oh no, really? That’s a shame, I’m going to miss you…(insert nervous fiddling)…um, well since we won’t see each other again, I want to tell you something, ok? Honest to God, please don’t think this is weird or anything, but for the longest time, I have had the most massive crush on you. I know, you’re older, and I know you’re married, and I really respect that and I hope you do too, because if I thought you were the kind to cheat on your wife, I wouldn’t have this feeling for you, but yeah it’s there, I just think you’re the sweetest, funniest guy, and that to me is so sexy, you just don’t know”

mbg “Oh wow, I don’t even know how to answer that. I think it would be condescending to say I’m flattered, but I will anyway. And you’re right, I wouldn’t ever take advantage of that, even if you had told me. Let me say this much though, you have totally just made my day, and my week, and made me feel 20 years younger”

AA ::cute smile, laugh and grab my arm and NOT LETTING GO::

“20 years ago, I was 2 1/2, this would have been WAY too weird for words then huh?”

mbg: ::nervous laugh because she’s still HOLDING MY ARM::

Yeah it would. Well, you have to get to work, and I better get going before one of us starts trouble here"

AA: Ok, but before you go, can I have just one nice hug?

She got her hug, it was brief and really really nice, and I have made a serious point not to go anywhere near that place again.

But you my man, you need to go score some deli, because, well…because.