Words that don't exist but should.

In My Humble Opinion
1

A friend of mine e-mailed me these, I think he got them from a joke site… It reminded me of a thread similar (or maybe even identical) to this, so I wanted to do it again.

Anyway,

Some words that don’t exist but should:

  1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

  2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

  3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly pop, jaw breaker) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

  4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

  5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

  6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

  7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

  8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

  9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

  10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

Can we come up with some more that are as funny as these?

I am going home right now to put on my thinking cap.

2

Aren’t these from Jay Leno’s ‘Sniglets’ books (didn’t he have a show in HBO at one time)?

My favorite was “Expresshole” - the person who goes through the 10 items or less express lane with at least 20 items.

I’m still trying to find a word for when you have been in the mall for awhile and lose your sense of direction, walking out of a store and down the mall, then realize you already walked down that section and have to turn around and walk the other way.

3

How about “mallzheimers”?

4

Mallzheimers.
That was priceless!

5

Sniglets were an invention of Rich Hall, a cast member of the HBO series “Not Necessarily the News.” He gathered several books of them. I’m not sure if these appear there, but they are definitely in the same vein.

My fave: Meganegabar–The line you put on a check to prevent someone else from adding “and a million dollars.”

6

Thanks for the clarification. I knew it was a name with an ‘L’ in it.

7

“Grillusion”:

The optical illusion you get when staring at a regular gridwork pattern with your eyes crossed, so it looks like it’s smaller-and-closer or bigger-and-farther-away than it actually is.

(I submitted this proposed sniglet to Rich Hall, and he didn’t use it. His loss.)

8

Saltire – thank you, they do indeed belong to Rich Hall (and friends). I happen to have the first book he published. I sent the following words to him but I have no idea if they were subsequently used or not.

Granuglobuals – the balls of sugar encrusted coffee drops that develop in the sugar bowl.

Spafoops – these are the Styrofoam peanuts that pack your mail order stuff. (Rich had other words for them but this is what I’ve always called them)

Pussnips – these are the cat-tongue shaped nips that develop in the powdered cream bowl after your cats have been on the counter where they don’t belong!

9

Don’t remember where I saw it, but I’ve seen “spapoop”, (the snack mix), often found at the “dod & wow” store. Turn your monitor upside-down if you don’t get it.

We used to call the packing peanuts “ghostpoo” or “ghost manure” (in polite company).

10

Discommunication - telling someone to “talk to the hand because the face don’t wanna hear it” or something similar.

Blepian - a person who decides when to bleep things that are edited for TV or radio. Responsible for bleeping out “god” and leaving in “damn”.

Snile - The slow half smile you give your mother-in-law to placate her warped sense of humor.

Snork - To spew what you’re drinking/chewing in a fit of sudden laughter.

Fraggravated - Intense frustration resulting from repeatedly being fragged in the first two seconds of a game of Quake III or Unreal Tournament.

Fraggravated assault - The beating of the geek that keeps fragging you that results from fraggravation.

Testlosterone - The hormone that prevents men from stopping and asking for directions.

Atslamic - Nuclear weapons owned by any country involved in a “jyhad”.

Negabrevity - Curtly telling someone that they suck or the situation sucks in a round about manner.

Craternity - Gestating a zit the size of a baby camel and refusing to pop it. That’s gonna leave a pock mark.

Abercrombify - To purposefully break something so you can grossly over-charge for it.

Ingemnify - to put a large diamond on the hand of your woman, thereby securing against hurt, loss or damage.

I got these from various sites on the web, they are not mine:

Beepilepsy - The shimmy and shake done by a room full of people when one beeper/cell phone goes off. Most noticeable in a group of IT profesionals.

Arrowneous - The quality of one who drives against
the arrow in a parking lot.

Buttblotting Fluid - The mysterious blue stuff
they pour onto diapers in diaper commercials to demonstrate their absorbency.

Facine - The amount of Visine or Murine you dribble on your
cheek, up your nose, etc., before you finally get it in your eye.

Giblump - The foil-wrapped turkey that sits in the
refrigerator for days and days after Thanksgiving.

Newtrons - The magnetized particles that amazingly hold some fig newtons together.

Snackmosphere - The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.

Hawaska - In an atlas, the rectangular box which contains Hawaii and Alaska and is located just off the coast of Arizona.

Mallmanac - In a mall, the giant maze with blocks and numbers on it, otherwise known as the “Directory”.

Hereoglyph - A little stick figure on a mallmanac that tells where you are.

Discombebopulated - Whenever you are driving along and you can’t find a house, and you have the address in your hand, and you can’t find the address, so you turn the radio down. Somehow, this will help you find the house easier. If you ever find yourself doing this, then you are discombebopulated.

Barfaroma - The stink that eminates from a person immediately after he has thrown up.

accoordionated - Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

aeroma - The odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics class.

alponium - (chemical symbol: Ap) Initial
blast of odor upon opening a can of dog food.

Injackulation - The act of having your phone call monitored or recorded when you are told that your phone call MAY be monitored or recorded

11

To Mondexify: the act of using Mondex in any way, be it loading up the card with money or paying for something with it. Also, Mondexifying, Mondexified, etc.

12

Some sniglets I can recall off the top of my head:

Potentater: the largest french fry on your plate.
Minutater: the smallest french fry on your plate.
Azugoes (as you goes): items left on the steps to be carried up by the next person.
Elemeno: the middle word of the alphabet.

13

Y’all might be intersted in Polly Ester’s Frictionary and More Frictionary at suck.com

14

Moegoo - the crust that forms on your shoes after mowing the lawn.

15

Groovulous, adj. 1. A combination groovy and fabulous, often replacing ‘cool’

Getro, <no specific patr of speech> 1. Ghetto Retro, often used in describing things found in such places as a thrift store. 2. Acting or emulating a 70’s Pimp
punk snot dead,
broccoli!

16

Well, Eutychus55 came up with ichthytaxidermanatividadaphobia, meaning “the irrational (or is it completely rational?) fear that someone is going to buy me a ‘Big Mouth Billy Bass’ for Christmas”.

One of my own is demipygean, a nice (I think) synonym for “half-assed”.

17

Here’s a couple i thought up while reading this:

Ballbarian - one who believes that nothing is more important in life than watching grown men fight over a ball.
(Also ballbearian - one who makes sure that machines are running smoothly and evenly.

Dessertification - the act of eating less than the entire meal, in order to “save room for dessert”.

Fizzbobble - the widget that releases gas when you open a can of Guinness.

18

blogy - a combination of bloated and logy (sluggish). Usage: “On Thanksgiving, everyone felt blogy after consuming mass quantities of food and drink.”

This word has entered into common usage among family and close friends.

19

First just let me say that I LOVE the term Getro. I’m going to start using it from now on!

Now, I don’t know if this should be a word but:

Fantabulous – a combo of fantastic and fabulous.

20

one that I came up with a few years ago was pyrokleptic: the tendency to put someone else’s lighter into your own pocket after borrowing it.

Andros, upon hearing it once gave me a limerick for it.

Pyroklepsis, or so I am told
affects smokers, the young and the old.
So, seemingly friendly,
just hand them an empty,
and next time they won’t be so bold.