Words you don't want to appear in your eulogy

gruesomely
prolonged
excruciating

eviscerated
illuminati
giant squid
holepunch
unidentifiable
American Idol
“viva la resistance”
brutalized

nothosonomia (my favorite silly word)
defenestrate (my second favorite)

Boner.

Unidentified.
Missed potential.
Scandalous.
Notorious.
“front page of the New York Post”

God

burned beyond recognition
disemboweled
smarmy little git
pink tutu
Monica Lewinsky

flesh-eating
not euthanized
Uday/Qusay
ahomosezwhat
Oedipal
married Rosanne Barr
“. . . in limerick form . . .”
spanking
interpretive dance
Suge Knight
ass pubes

whiff

Mangled
Plethora
High speed shredder
Unprecedented

died young
slaphappy
dental records

Oh yeah, and “never recovered”

Seriously – “passed” or “passed away”. I’m DEAD, dammit. Use the word DEAD.

Forgettable
Empty room
Loathed
Strangely hilarious
Lingering
Still missing
Bits and pieces
Rotted
Gory
Malpractice

Gotcha ya!

“debt-free”

“Well, I had this eulogy prepared, but I feel kindof funny giving a speech to just two people…”

I would laugh myself to death if this was in my eulogy. Can’t you see a casket (open of course) rolling down a hill, through the middle of town, and into the middle of a large parade where it gets caught on one of the floats, and is dragged the entire way?

Charles, I have a picture in my mind of a Benny Hill skit with that manic kazzoo music. Priceless!

exume