A friend and co-worker of mine has graciously offered to throw me a baby shower close to the twins’ due date. I have accepted, and we’ve talked about how to do this so as to include both work and non-work friends.
Now my workplace is talking about throwing me a shower before the other shower. This is pretty typical; I don’t know why I didn’t think of it. Usually we pass the hat anonymously, buy something off the registry, and have cake.
So, the problem is: How do I avoid causing trouble for the co-workers who would be at both? I feel awkward about showers because I know ppl always think they have to buy a present, and I really don’t want the co-workers to think that they have to come up with two presents. (Frankly, I don’t think they have to come up with any at all, although presents are always nice.)
Do I have my friend/co-worker mention to the co-workers on the personal shower guest list that they will be invited to another shower later?
Do I tell the work folks that I’d be happy to have cake, but I don’t want presents? I’ve noticed that the “no gifts” requests usually seem to get ignored, so I don’t know if that’s worth it.
Do I tell the work folks I don’t want a celebration at all? Canceling the personal shower is not an option because that leaves my non-work friends out of the festivities entirely. Folks at work get grumpy when we pass on a cake occasion, but maybe that’s the easiest way.
All I really want is to have a chance to have a slice of cake and a little happy chatter with everybody, but the “shower=gifts” thing seems to be pretty strong in people’s minds. That’s okay, I guess, but I don’t want to abuse it. Any advice–especially about what you’ve seen done–would be great.
How about talking to whoever is throwing the work shower and suggest it be a party only, no gifts please? A shower (IMHO) means presents- it’s to shower the mother to be with gifts.
A friend of mine had a party for her husband and asked people to bring in a few canned or boxed goods to give to the local food bank instead of gifts, and that went over well. Just a thought.
I would just request no gifts. I would also probably tell everyone that if they must buy something, go donate something to a charity in the babies’ names. That way they don’t think you are just in it for the presents.
Is there any reason why you couldn’t just leave your work friends off the guest list for the personal shower, since they’ll already be attending the work shower? I can’t imagine why anyone would be offended.
Maybe you could tell the co-workers who give you gifts at the work shower that you’re going to save their gift to open at the personal shower. They get “double credit” in that way, having presented a gift at the first shower, but not having to buy another gift for the second shower and yet still participating in the gift-opening.
I guess I could, but that would make the personal shower really tiny–like five people. Not sure if that’s enough of a party to feel worthwhile for the attendees.
Well, it’s your choice, but traditionally baby showers are supposed to be intimate, not the huge extravaganzas that some people throw today. I once gave a baby shower for a friend, and she named only about five people to invite. We had a nice afternoon in my living room.
Well, saving some gifts to open later would make it really obvious which work friends were on the list and which weren’t. That seems optional.
I’d go with a “no gifts” request for the work shower. Some people will probably ignore it, but the ones who are coming to the personal shower will probably get the hint and save their gift-giving for that occasion. And none of them will have any cause to feel hit up twice.
I’m wondering if rather than request no gifts, you can encourage the people at the office shower to donate for a single large gift item, or gift card. Or maybe do a diaper shower or something. Something that puts less emphasis on individual gifts, so that if Mary chooses to donate less than Julie, it’s less striking.
Of course, I do have to agree with the person above who points out that there isn’t a magic number of invitees who must attend a shower. Maybe you should downscale your planned shower.
A friend of mine who had multiple showers (with admittedly limited guest overlap) recieved her carseat/stroller travel system as pretty much her sole gift at one, gifts a plenty from a second, and a large gift card by way of her husband at the third. (Technically, it wasn’t a shower, no gifts, only a card with a gift card, and no mommy to be, only a daddy to be. It was a small group that didn’t really include her, and she was thrilled that we showed our fondness for him by giving him a small surprise party all of his own. Still a couple of us from the small group did overlap with the group invited to the large shower, and freely donated cash to the small group and the gift of our choice to the large shower)
That’s actually how my workplace does it. They pass the hat, add that to a corporate donation that’s apparently based on mother’s years of service, and then add everything together, with the usual result being a stroller.
I’ve always liked it that we do gifts–departure, maternity, wedding, etc.–this way at the office. It’s assumed that the gift is from everybody, so nobody’s embarrassed or guilt-tripped.
Five people for a baby shower is fine, but I got the impression that the work people who were being invited to the “friend” shower were just that, friends, more than just co-workers. Maybe she’d like to have them there, in a setting that’s a little more personal than the work party. I think I’d opt for letting them know that there’s another shower invitation coming, and be clear that you don’t want to burden them unnecessarily with an “obligation” for two gifts. Then let them handle it the way they want to. Maybe they will come up with a gift that has two parts, like diapers at one and diaper bag at the other, or maybe they will cut the amount they donate to a group gift. Or maybe they’ll just do one at the office and assume the guest of honor will know they did that. Then the GOH can take the gift to the second shower if she wants to, or just say, “Oh, Susan gave me the sweetest little blanket set at the office party!” At any rate it’s all about getting together with friends to celebrate the upcoming baby.
