Here’s another issue related to sympathy cards. I recently found out that someone in my department is peeved at me (I am the sender of the cards) because he didn’t receive a card when a family member died a while back. However, that person didn’t tell anyone at work about the death in the family (it happened while he was already on vacation, so he didn’t even request to take time off). He says he didn’t want to tell anyone because IT’S PRIVATE. I still don’t understand why he was expecting a card in the first place, then. IT’S PRIVATE.
You just know somebody’s gonna come along and ask you to tell all – with cites showing the worksite. 
I’m a librarian. The students where I work are VERY widely varied in their intelligence/computer skills, from gifted to “slightly lower functioning than a marshmallow” on each. But the one thing they all agree on is their hatred for the statistics professor.
He’s a nice guy, he really is, but his assignments are rifuckingdiculous. He assigns them a project where they have to assemble a large accumulation of data and make sets and projections and interpolations and all that jazz- standard statistics assignment. The problem is the sets of data he tells them to accumulate- by his own admission he pulls them out of his ass and tells them to go find the info. That’s why I have a student whose assignment will depend on something akin to the following:
Select an ethnic group. Find out how many members of this ethnic group are in Alabama (no problem). Find out how many members of this ethnic group in Alabama are currently enrolled in college (no problem). Of that number, find out how much financial aid the average member of that ethnic group receives PER INSTITUTION in Alabama (this is where it gets a lot harder). Find out how many members of that ethnic group are retained/graduate from that same institution in their final year, how many will go on to enter that institution as a graduate school, and how much debt they’ll incur along the way for undergrad and graduate, and what their average earning potential is…
Okay…
I could probably find this information. Probably, and the emphasis is on the I. If this were Harvard (and it’s so not Harvard that yesterday I was dressed in a pirate suit to promote studying for finals [made sense to somebody in admin]) that would be next to impossible to find all of that information IF IT EXISTS in anywhere near a reasonable amount of time. I’m not sure it’s even compiled.
When students or I complain to the professor that the information is not easily available he responds “Well it has to be- people compile statistics like that”. That is entirely possible, but it doesn’t mean they make them publicly available, IF they compile it in that way at all. I’ll suggest all kinds of other ways I can find data sets: wanna know how many Asians over 50 are registered as single-parent head of households and what their income is by state or what the crime rates are for your neighborhood v. any other neighborhood in town and the state/nation at large? No problem, but the whole “how much debt has the average Latino accumulated in 4 years of college and what’s their average income 2 years later” thing is just absofuckinglutely not there. I could perhaps dig it out, but it would take me DAYS, and there’s no way on Earth that students who have never studied government statistical sources (NONE of which are self-explanatory) would be able to find it, plus they’re supposed to “do the research themselves” but in addition to the fact it takes me forever to find it piecemeal and I have experience with these sources, AND the fact some of our students never turned on a computer before coming here, AND the fact there are other students who need help, it’s a hellofa lot faster just to do the research and print the info for them than to show them how to do it because it’s complicated as all hell.
Professor again: “If it has a factual and numerical answer then it’s got to be available.”
Me: THE FUCK?! “How many hairs were on George Washington’s head?” and “How many birds were killed by flying bullets or by destroyed habitats during the Spanish Civil War?” are both questions which have factual and numerical answers but that damned sure doesn’t mean you’re gonna find them. Plus, the state of Alabama (where these datasets are supposed to come from) is NOTORIOUS for making most of their compiled statistics and numbers unavailable online- they’ll print them into huge bound volumes and distribute them to certain libraries and you have to guess which ones (unlike Georgia and many other states where such data is accessible on the Internet if you have a general idea who would compile and host it- in GA and other states you can learn the income of ANY state employee whether they’re an accountant at a state prison or a teacher at a junior college or the secretary of the Attorney General or what have you, but Alabama [I honestly believe intentionally] makes that ‘public information’ as hard to obtain as possible and the incredibly detailed numbers he’s asking for would not qualify as ‘public information’ because it’s not conceivable anybody would even want it or have a use for it- ethnic and demographic breakdowns sure, but who’s to say how many students go to grad school from a particular set when so many wait years and years and years before going to grad school and then may go to that college or may go to the University of Islamabad and never be accounted for…
Anyway, short version: I hate professors who give impossible assignments and won’t admit it and will not admit that having a Ph.D. doesn’t mean they can speak with the Authority of Metatron on every goddamned issue AND won’t take your advice on your area of expertise.
And penguins.
Of all the posters here who could state that
[ul]
[/ul] [ol]
[li]they are a librarian[/li][li]they were asked to dress in a pirate suit[/li][li]to promote studying[/li][/ol]
you are the only one I can envision asking, “One bandolier or two?”
Actually my only bandalier is Confederate cavalry so I decided not to wear it as it’d be “inauthentic”. I did consider it though. 
Location is always an agency favourite. 'im indoors is a contractor - he got a call from the agent he’s been dealing with for many years, the very same agent who knows from those many years that 'im indoors doesn’t drive and is therefore reliant on public transport.
He calls about a job in Scotland, just outside Glasgow (excellent, since ‘im indoors’ family live just outside Glasgow). He sings the veritable praises of this job. It’s ideal, the rates are excellent, the whole package is everything you could possibly want. So he sets up a phone interview which goes very well - client thinks 'im indoors is perfect for the job.
They move to discussions about dates etc, and 'im indoors finally asks the magic question - “how far outside Glasgow are they based?” - he’s thinking maybe Greenock or somewhere like that. The answer? Aberdeen.
Aberdeen? It’s the other end of the soddin’ country!
Sampiro, perhaps he’s trying to teach them the fine art of making shit up.
I know I’ve done this rant before, but…
We sell coffee. To cafes (mostly, we get the occasionally straggler in the warehouse, but if he’s got money, we’ll sell him coffee, too.)
This means (in theory) I’m dealing with professional cafe owners or their employees calling to order stock for their cafes. People who are (in theory) people who stock their cafes all the time.
In practice, it means that (when I am unfortunate enough to have to answer the phone), I get calls like this:
“I wanna boxa cawfee.”
Sir, right. We have six kinds of coffee beans. We have another 8 or so kinds of ground beans. We have coffee pods, coffee cartridges, and filter coffee in several blends, including decafe. I don’t expect you to know this. I do expect you to know what you serve. To your customers. In your cafe. So I then ask…
“Sure, what kind would you like?”
At lease seven times out of ten, the answer I get back will be one of the following:
“I dunno, I don’t usually order it.”
“What I got last time.”
“Joe brings it.”
Right, ok then. That’s fine, I can work with that…probably. I can just get the name of your cafe, and I’ll look it up. Right? So I ask the question, and about half the time I get lucky and get the name. The other half the time I get…
“…”
“…unintelligible muttering…”
“My name is Dan…”
“Where’s the girl who usually picks up the phone? She knows who I am!”
Fine, so now I’m stuck with…a boxa cawfee on the South route (cause Joe takes it, and I know Joe is South) to some guy that our receptionist knows by voice. Beautiful, we’ll be right there.
This is particularly special at about 4:30pm, when I am most likely to be answering the phone because everybody else has gone home. Because we service cafes, most of our client’s are open from really damn early through lunchish to early afternoon. So we’re open those same hours. My guys are done by 4pm, which is when our warehouse doors roll down. So if you call me, even if you do manage to tell me which kind of coffee you want and what you cafe name is, even if you manage to remember on the first call that you also needed cups and hot choc, even if you are nice and very pleasant, even if you are our biggest, bestest customer, I cannot get coffee delivered to you in an hour. Sorry. I know you’re one of the few places open for dinner and you’ve got just what’s in the hopper of your grinder. Your driver was out there today. Lack of planning on your part makes it suck to be you. I’ll even bump you up the list…for tomorrow. Ranting only makes you sound silly, and you ARE talking to the manager, damnit.
Though, this is actually a great job. 
Cheers,
G
Ordering lunch with Ethyl…it’s torture.
Someone might say “We’re ordering from the cafeteria. Do you want to order, Ethyl?”
“I don’t know. Do they have chicken or roast beef?”
“Is it expensive?”
“Do they give you alot of roast beef or just a little bit roast beef?”
“Is the roast beef rare or is it well done?”
“Is it fatty roast beef or is it lean?”
“Do they slice it fresh, or is it already sliced in a pan?”
“Does the roast beef have pepper on it?”
“What about onions? Are there onions on the roast beef?”
“Does the roast beef come with gravy?”
“Do they charge for gravy?”
“Is it white gravy or brown gravy?”
“Do they put the gravy on the roast beef or on the side?”
“What about onions? Are there onions on the gravy?”
“Is there pepper in the gravy?”
“Do they have potatos?”
“Are the potatos included or do you have to pay for them?”
Insert long discussion about potatos, types of potatos, potato preparation methods, and things that might be in a prepared potato dish.
Now on to the greenbeans…
If Ethyl is ordering with the group, I just go get one of my frozen dinners from the freezer.
Ca3799, I see by your location that you’re not too far from me…I’d be happy to help you kill Ethel.
Is it a big herd or a little herd?
Can you get her soon, or will it take a long time?
Are you a small beetle or a big beetle?
Preach it! My BD is December 23. I have yet to get a celebration at any job I have ever worked at.
Aieee! starts flinging dung
I used to get recruiter calls all the time for this one publishing company, and they would always leave it to the very end of the enticing pitch that the job was in Des Moines. Uh, thanks, that’s about 1100 miles from where I live, that’s kind of an important detail.
My job rant. Dear two bosses: It’s admirable that you’re so dedicated to your jobs. To the point where apparently you both have no outside interests whatsoever. I realize that when on deadline we all have to pitch in and get everything done that needs to be done. I do that. I’m often here early during those times, although nobody knows that because nobody else comes in early. But please, when we are not on deadline, do not give me a look when I leave on time. If you’d like me to work 24 hours a day instead of 8, tripling my salary would be a nice start.
My friend’s job rant. A friend of mine has just started a job at a small newspaper company. It rivals Dunder Mifflin for it’s dysfuntionality. To wit:
CFO: Is apparently only there 3 days a week. Her door is closed when she’s there, and you’re not allowed to knock when her door is closed. If you don’t have direct deposit, you will get your paycheck when she gets around to it, possibly the following week. If you ask for your check when it’s a few days late, she will snap at you that’s she’s too busy. And then close her door. My friend figures that she has maybe 5 hours a week of actual work to do.
2 VPs: Are only in on Monday and Tuesday. Take the rest of the week off, every week. Oh, and they’re secretly married – they left their respective spouses for each other 10 years ago, but pretend they are not involved with each other. They arrive in separate cars. Everyone knows about this, but is not allowed to talk about it. They pretend they are just colleagues in the office. Their function is to yell at clients and lose their business. My friends figures that neither of them does any actual work at all.
Sales manager: Does not allow salespeople to use e-mail. Frowns on Blackberries and the like. There are 2 computers for a staff of 40. Insists everyone do things exactly as he has been doing them since 1968. But he’s there 5 days a week, at least.
The company is losing money. Go figure.
Ah…the charge of the dung beetles. Surely there is no more awe-inspiring sight!
-Joe
Or smell.
Sounds like you need to take that enticing job in Des Moines. We have an empty bedroom…
This morning I surreptitiously found out when all the November birthdays are. By asking directly.
Me - 1st
Steph - 9th
Edwina - 17th
Letti - 23rd.
The three of them are going to get cards, gifts, and lunch invitations on those days. They may turn down lunch, but I’ll make damn sure they are remembered.
From anyone else that would be reprehensible behavior. From you – that’s just really sexy.
Mine too! And same here.
I don’t feel that bad about it b/c I don’t generally like store-bought cake (w/ the crisco icing), but it’d be nice to get a card.