I like my job. My boss is great. My co-workers, for the most part, are excellent people. I get free food. I get a fair wage. It’s just that customers fucking suck. I get a lot of good customers who joke and be decent human beings. But one customer just makes the whole day suck.
Today is probably the worst bad customers day I’ve had since I’ve started. I don’t know what it is, but maybe Thanksgiving lures the assholes that normally hole up in their cave to our restaurant.
Take the asshole with the hearing aid, for example. Yes, he had a hearing aid on, I noticed it when I was taking his order, so I tried to speak loudly and clearly. He wanted tea. So, I asked him what kind of tea. “WHAT?” He replied gruffly. I repeated myself. He said he wanted just regular tea. And looked at me as if I was the worst scum on earth for not knowing he wanted regular tea. So, I asked him if Tetley was okay. Had to repeat that twice. “No. REGULAR TEA.” He said. Gah. Tetley is regular tea. So, I nodded, pretended I knew what the hell he was talking about gave him Tetley and sent him on his merry way. Then, five minutes later, cut in front of some people, and demanded I make him toast. When I told him to “I’ll be with you in a minute.” He looked as if he wanted to reach across the counter and rip my throat out. Good thing the counter was in the way.
Then, comes this next asshole who didn’t have any money on him. He came up to the coffee pots, started to get coffee, in the middle of it, he looks at me as I stand behind the register, preparing to punch it in, and asks “You take interact right?” I said “Yes. But with a purchase of over five dollars.” Then, he started talking about how the ATM machine was broken. Then when I suggested that he buy something else, he went on about how he wanted only coffee. I don’t know what he wanted from me, because I was just not ALLOWED to use the interact if it’s under five dollars. So then he holds the cup up and says “Well, I have half a cup of coffee in here. It’s just going to go to waste.” Yeah. So? What the hell did he want?! Me to give it to him for free?! What irked me was that he had a smug look on his face. So, I just told him “That’s okay. I’ll have it for my break.” and he slunked away, defeated. Ha.
After that, some good customers come and go, but then this lady approached and wanted coffee. I directed her towards the pots, since she told me she wanted “Just regular coffee.” and she took a look at the description of the pots we had (medium and dark roast) and said “I said I wanted regular coffee.” Huh? 
So, I said “This is regular coffee. It’s dark roast or medium roast.” And she was like “No. The medium says it has a nutty flavour. The dark says it’s chocolatey.” Um. Yeah, that’s what it SAYS, but unless you’ve been shut out of society the past few years, you HAVE to realise that things are always hyped up and never what they advertise it to be. Okay, fine. Maybe she has been shut out. So I repeat myself. It’s regular coffee. She insisted that it wasn’t. What else can I do? I repeat myself. She finally got the medium coffee. Ugh. I can understand how someone can mistake it for some fancy smanchy crap coffee the first time, but when I, as the employee there, tells you it’s REGULAR COFFEE, then THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!
And ooooh, the biggest asshole I encountered today was these two guys. I was in the washroom when they came up to the counter, so my co-worker who didn’t speak fluent English took their order. They confused the HELL out of her. They ordered a ham and egg sandwich. Not sure how they phrased it, but We have a sandwich bar that has a choice of ham or egg salad sandwich. So, my co-worker thought he wante a ham sandwich and an egg salad sandwich. They were confusing the hell out of her, so when I came back, she asked me to take over, which I was happy to do. I asked them if they wanted two sandwiches, one ham and one egg, and in a snotty tone, they were like “No. I want a ham and egg sandwich.” Okay. It took me a second to process that, and I asked them “You mean a fried egg sandwich.” Yes. That was it. But their response? No, it wasn’t “Yep.” or “That’s right.” or even a “mmmhmmm.” The asshole said “Yes. I told her it was breakfast.” Well, excuse me sir, if you’re blind and couldn’t see that I wasn’t there when you ordered it. So, he pays for it. I take the order into the kitchen, and after all that, that’s when he asks me how long it’s going to take. I tell him around five minutes. Then he asks me if I can hurry, he has a flight to take. Uh. NO. Because 1) I don’t work in the fucking kitchen, so I can’t hurry it up for him and 2) there are other people who ordered before this asshole. So, I tell him our cooks work the fastest they can. He grunts and wanders off. Then, a minute later, he comes back and asks if it’s ready yet, and in an less than pleasant tone too. Ugh. It’s been all of two minutes after he’s ordered. Even at McDonalds, it takes longer than two minutes to make a premade burger! Not to mention, we make our stuff fresh. So, I tell him plainly, no. “Well, I told you to hurry.” I was SO close to saying “If you’re that hungry, here’s something out of my ass you can have.” but (un?)fortunately, my boss was there and I couldn’t say it. So, my boss offered him a refund, and he could get his money back. Which was more than generous because we could have had a “no refund” policy and kicked his ass out of our sight. But, my boss is a fair person. Asshole says no. He wants his food, and he wants it NOW. My boss says okay. She goes into the kitchen, puts together the egg that’s still runny, and the ham that’s half cooked. He wanted it NOW, he’ll get it now. Handed it to him, he left. That was the end of that. I hope he got sick and puked on the plane.