Hey, customer service manager! I am the goddamn roadblock keeping your precious part from shipping – mainly because I insist on thouroughly reading the fucking reports before I sign them! Quit complaining to my supervisor already!
Someone at work put out a big dish of those weird taffy-like Christmas candies, which I think are made by the same confectionery craftsmen that proudly produce the beloved Halloween… peanut… taffy? The orange- and black-wrapped things that are always the last candies to be eaten. These taste vaguely of mint. Why do they still exist? Where do they even come from?
These? I love those candies. Disrespect them at your own peril.
Yep, them’s the ones. Ornamental chunks of hardened toothpaste.
If those candies are fresh, they’re fairly edible. If they’re leftovers from last year, they are best used as slingshot ammo.
ok, if I’m processing your shitty wedding photos, and you are going to use more flashes than the one of the hotshoe of your camera…make sure the other two flashes AREN’T IN THE FUCKING SHOT. Oh yeah, if you’re gonna call yourself a professional photographer learn that there are apertures other than f/2. FUCKING 8!
Dear Ernst & Young,
Ordering me to see a shrink after my friend blew his brains out whilst my boss is constantly telling me that his goal is to fire me, and then firing me for going to see a shrink violates every fucking statue in the world (also, asking for the doctor’s diagnostic data is a privacy violation - particularly when he found that there was no diagnosis to be made).
Also, claiming that I didn’t see said doctor, even though the medical insurance records (allegedly confidential, but obviously available to you given your “insight” into billing) should have demonstrated that your claims that I didn’t attend the “recommended sessions” were false.
I should have sued your f’n asses.
Love,
Your employee who worked 16 hours a day with no compensation
What is *wrong *with you?
There’s probably still time. FFS man you should be ripping every dollar out of them you can possibly get. If they’ve done it to you, I bet they’ve done it to others, too.
There’s a story in there, somewhere…
Hee hee - the older guy who seems to do as much work at two other people put together asked me today if he was just being bitchy, or if things in our department were kind of annoying - I agreed and said that I was glad that I didn’t have to work in the noise and giggling and loud Christmas music every day (I mostly work in the warehouse, where it’s cold but QUIET). I’m gonna say, yeah, it is bugging my co-workers - he’s trying to get his work done, and they’re making so much noise he can’t concentrate. They’ve got a problem coming up in this department - once again, glad I’m just a temp there.
The funny part was when one of the Smoking Clique was talking to this guy about how hard she works - I suspect there was tongue-biting on his part. Hey, if you’re so busy, maybe you should consider not taking ten smoke breaks every day and laugh and talk with your buddies non-stop! People’s ability to delude themselves never ceases to amaze.
This contact sheet was sent out at noon yesterday and you were all asked for your feedback. Suddenly, this afternoon, when it’s already been submitted to be printed and laminated, you’re all coming back with a hojillion fucking changes. If it’s so fucking important for these peope to be included, why didn’t you tell us that, oh, I don’t know, yesterday? Or this morning? You fucking idiots.
Also: If you make changes to a document I’ve created or edited, change the fucking footer, moron. That’s what it’s there for. I just made a new round of changes to this one, and I know it’s been changed since it was in my hands, since half of what I was doing was getting rid of errors that were introduced, and yet it *still *has *my *identification information in the footer. Fuck you, dickdrip.
Why is the only available overtime on Saturdays (my Friday - I don’t want to stay late, I want to go home!), Sundays and Mondays (my days off)? I might be willing to stay an extra two hours on Tuesday or Wednesday, early in my week before I get ground down and tired of the job.
Context: I work as a housekeeper in a hotel that’s part of a small regional chain. Back in February, the hotel was suddenly bought out by a larger company. This company has made some things better and many others much, much worse.
To the new(ish) head housekeeper:
I could tell that this was your first supervisory position before you told us. The reason I could tell is that you are spectacularly unqualified for it. Oh, you’re fine at the actual housekeeping part, but you fail at every other aspect of the job. You end up revising the work schedule about three times a week because it doesn’t correlate with reality, you make us fill out increasingly convoluted and useless forms because the concept of making a list of the rooms to be cleaned is somehow too hard for you, and it’s frankly embarrassing to get a note from you that says “Make shur the heaters are set to 68% and ternd on.” I suspect that you are functionally illiterate; my coworkers go a step further and say you’re retarded. Please step down from your job and take some remedial English classes.
To the “interim” house manager who’s been here for six months and shows no signs of hiring someone to replace him:
It’s ironic that you like to bang on about the importance of clear and open communication when you yourself can’t communicate worth a damn. Every meeting you hold consists of you stating variations on the same managerial platitude twenty times over. Any actual information you have to impart is just mentioned in passing between platitudes, as if you’re hoping we’ll miss it and you’re just saying it to cover your ass. Oh, and it’s nice to know that we’ve had record high revenues, but is there any chance of us lowly workers seeing any of that in the form of more staff and better equipment so we can do our jobs properly? Yeahh, I didn’t think so. Fuck you in every conceivable orifice.
To the rarely-seen new owners:
The reason the new staff has no idea what they’re doing is because all the old staff fled before they could train replacements. The reason the old staff fled is because you cut all the benefits that made this a tolerable place to work. The only members of the ‘old guard’ left are me and Chrissy, and she only works here twice a week to pay the bills while she’s in college. How many rats have to flee before you acknowledge that the ship is sinking and that it’s your fault?
To myself:
Get the hell out of this job before you say or do something to get yourself fired, or, worse, promoted to a position where you have to be responsible for salvaging this train wreck of a hotel. Even flipping burgers has to be better than this.
Jesus freaking fuck. It rained all day Saturday, then the temperature went below freezing and we had snow and wind creating near-whiteout conditions all day Sunday, so bad that the salt trucks and snowplows stopped operating until this morning. This morning, it was 5 degrees when i woke up at 11 degrees now. The roads are packed solid with ice and every school district in the county is closed.
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If I have to read one more Facebook message from a dumbfuck who works for a school district and is all happy about jammies and hot cocoa, I’m gonna push 'em outside and lock the door. In their jammies.
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My dumbfuck in human fucking co-workers all fucking commuted in, even the guy who had to make a 2.5 hour drive. CAN WE FUCKING DISCUSS OUR FUCKING PRIORITIES IN LIFE PLEASE? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
Sattua, it sounds like you live near me. Rain Saturday, snow Sunday, fucking freezing today. And of course, I was stuck walking to work today. And of course, I got into the office and no one else was here. God forbid I have the freedom to decide on my own if I want to work from home during particularly bad weather.
Every time I get an update email for this report I want to hurl my laptop at the wall. One, it’s a report, not a deck. A “deck” is a PowerPoint document. You know, like a deck of cards. You fucking imbecile. Two, why am I getting changes that were made not on the most recent copy of the document, so that I can’t actually make use of the Track Changes feature. Oh, and then the other changes coming in are just made in red text in a separate copy.
CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE
This is after, of course, getting changes from someone that came in this morning on another document for which I “required” final changes at 4 p.m. on Friday… when he’d already seen the document and just didn’t think to mention these other things until now.
CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE
My favorite is when they print the report, handwrite edits all over it, and then send it back to me as a pdf. Yeah, that’s a lot better than using Track Changes. Oh, and thanks for putting that phrase in French, since I’m not nearly as cool or smart as you, since I can only speak american english.
Why, why, do we not assign admins to people who work remotely? They are clearly some very important consultants. Why do we not have people assigned to make sure their work doesn’t look like three-day stinky ass when it’s handed to a client? Wait, this dude HAS an admin? Okay, so now the question is, did he fuck it up and not run it past her, did she let it out the door looking like this, or was she the one who fucked it up?
Because, seriously, we use templates for a reason. You have to try to make things go bad–like moving the titles all the fuck around on the page. Seriously, what the fuck is *wrong *with you people?
There are some people I will actually request this from, because their changes are that bad and it’s faster to skim through a hardcopy.
Ah, the eternal question.
I had a guy call me today about a 28-page PDF he sent to the document control lady…he saw fit to carbon copy me as well. (Note that I have had absolutely nothing to do with this document until now.) He spent 30 minutes explaining, in great detail, every single comment he had made in the PDF; he then proceeded to tell me I should go help the document control lady make the corrections to the document “in case she’s confused by all the comments”. :rolleyes:
Did you ask him who you’re supposed to consult in case you’re confused, too?