Whichever officer of the company is responsible for safety compliance.
Oh, do let us know how that shakes out, blondebear.
This is ultra-mini but … that’s the second time in less than a month that I broke my thumbnail 
trying to pry upen the pretty canisters that grandboss keeps the sugar in the breakroom in. Damn things are hermitically sealed, I swear. I’ll just have to keep sugar at my desk … except I already keep so much shit in my desk drawers it looks like I’m hunkering down for the zombie apocalypse.
Motherfuckers turned on the heat in here. It’s 44 outside, and 80.6 degrees in here - and rising! They did it last week too, when it was 33 outside. Fine, turn on the heat, but don’t set it at 80 fucking degrees!!!
I have the screenshot printed out and filed away. Maybe I’ll bring it out and share with EH&S after I’ve had my 30th anniversary.
Yes, I have a Dr Pepper on my desk.
This is not an invitation for you to inquire if I am addicted to Dr Pepper.
Nor to regale me with your monologue about how you don’t know anyone addicted to Sprite or Coke, but you do know 6 or 8 who just must have their Dr Peppers. Or how they must have some secret ingredient that induces addiction in certain people.
Look deeply into my eyes. Do you see even one µfuck of givashit? Let me save you the trouble. It ain’t there. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, my momma taught me to say, “That’s nice.” rather than, “Who gives a shit.”
Now go away and let me finish my DP in peace.
EmAnJ Just a warning to be careful you document that it’s not pregnancy related - Saw this on the news this morning - from PEI
Well, fuck. I was thinking, after being out of work for so long, that I’d finally landed at a company where things were good. Yeah, I’m a contractor, but I’m treated like a human being, they don’t try to make me make do with odds and ends of equipment, and it looks as if I’ll even get some real training in Agile methods, the lack of which has just been killing me on job hunts.
Today? This afternoon I am told that the muckety in charge of software development for the entire company has decided that all contractors will be furloughed for the last two weeks of the year. No, being without a paycheck for 2 weeks isn’t going to get me kicked out of my house, but jeez … less than two weeks notice on this, and no mention of it when our contracts got extended just last week. [The contract company I work for was Not Happy to hear this. It was a complete surprise to them, too. They’ve got 160 people working for this company. Losing 2 weeks billing for that many people is significant.]
Most of the people on this project are contractors and they’re using Agile development … does the muckety have any idea of how much deliverables are going to be fucked by this? I’ve barely started on this project, I have not much clue about Agile, and even I know this.
My boss thinks leadership means delegating strategic planning to her subordinates. We set the goals, plan the projects, and execute the activities. We are managing people without the benefit of supervisory authority, though, which means I lack the muscle to make anyone do what I ask them to do. But whatever.
Dear Boss, when you make someone else responsible for running an organization but the authority you give them is only play-play, please do not be surprised when the organization lacks the vigor or direction to do anything except the bare minimum, if that. Perhaps my problem is that I care too much, but you aggravate me. Apparently, the most impressive but attainable accomplishment you think we should shoot for during the upcoming year is a bunch of process flow diagrams that illustrate how we work. Really? Seriously? This is your vision? Other directors in our office are initiating new studies and testing new methodologies, while you single-handedly relegate us to the kids’ table by trying to pass off a silly writing exercise as something that will cause a meaningful impact.
This embarrasses me. I want us to increase our publication rates, do outreach so that more data comes to us, improve our analytical methods…and you want us to navel gaze and make some pretty pictures that no one is going to look at anyway. And that is what you present to upper management as a priority for our group. And you don’t seem to understand why I’m not jumping up and down with excitement over this.
After all of this, I really hope we have a budget to work with next year.
This is all hearsay and there might be some hyperbole, but the facts will be in the tl/dr part.
The scene, snow in central Arizona. (We have problems driving in rain, half an inch of frozen water is enough to close schools and have people mobbing the stores for bread and milk.)
A 4 wheel drive pickup truck is bouncing over washed out roads to check the lair for leaks in the roof. The boxes are in government hands and we are here to serve.
flatlined is not only out on sick time, she is out of the state. flatlined has also shared stories about the RatKing with everyone, so when Kevin is told that he has to check for leaks, he’s the only one who will do it. Kevin calls for backup, but the snow must have messed with the reception. Nobody answers.
Duty calls and he can’t refuse.
The truck finally makes its way to the lair, Kevin doesn’t remember how moisture makes trucks slide and hits the brakes. He does a wonderful spin out, many bad words happening and hits one of the doors. The truck is almost undamaged, but the door he hit is warped off its tracks.
Kevin is so upset by the damage that he forgets where he is, so pulls his* tool of bashing* out of the truck and tries to bang the door back into place. This works about as well as beating a sliding door back onto its rails from the outside always does, but at least Kevin warms up some.
The air is so cold that Kevin can see his breath after his workout, so he jumps back into the truck and calls for backup again. Flipping reception, Kevin is on his own. The stench of the lair has been muted, so Kevin goes to the next door, unlocks it and steps in.
Kevin’s boots of kicking fail their throw against the* floor of slush, ice and rat output *and Kevin falls, hitting his head against the door. After about an hour, one of his loyal minions starts worrying because Kevin hasn’t been on the radio to bitch someone out and goes to check on him. The minion was horrified to see that Kevin had been overrun by rats, dragged him out and LEFT THE DOORS UNSECURED!!!
tl/dr The head of facilities was checking for leaks after the snow, dented one of the doors and damaged the truck he was driving, then slipped and fell in ratpee slush. He hit his head and because some of his injuries could have been caused by rat bites, he gets to have the full rabies series.
RatKing just put another notch on his wall and cuddled up in my boxes to sleep.
And you wanted a forged doctor’s note to put YOU there? Where do you go when you take your vacations? Camp Crystal Lake?
Visions of the movie Willard are dancing in my head…
:: shudders::
It’s a good thing I’m here alone, because I was laughing like a loon at the latest RatKing tale.
Flatlined, my day just wouldn’t be the same without your stories of RatKing and SG to keep me going.
The Rat King tales make me feel so much better about my work situation!
Oh, just when I think I can’t take any more from my students, I am reminded that at least they are not feral rats peeing all over me.
Everybody in my hall is popping their head in my office doorway to make sure I’m fine, since I’m giggling like a madwoman.
Is it just me, or does it look like these rats are setting up traps now?
Is tenting the place and pumping in carbon monoxide out of the question?
I read your response and thought you were talking about SG at first. 
Fantastic idea! Sort of the reverse of the ‘canary in the coal mine’ thing.
Since SG is lots taller than the rats, pump in the CO2 until he falls over. Then there is surely enough gas in there to kill the ratking. Bonus points in that the local protected snakes will not be endangered by the gas. It will disperse to harmless levels before it reaches them, and the suffocated rats will not poison them if ingested. The only question is would SG poison the snakes? If so, his body would need to be removed from the site. Preferably into a shredder. Feet first, of course.
If SG is going to be fed into a shredder, he needs to be alive and conscious. I insist upon this.