I really, really hope you don’t work for my credit union.
Really.
From what I’ve seen, my credit union seems pretty competent, but who knows what evil lurks behind the teller counters? Or in my case, the web site. I do my banking remotely, because I don’t even live in the same state anymore.
What this here guy said. You don’t owe them ANYTHING once you’re out of there.
Justin Bieber has a Christmas CD out – would you prefer that?
Maybe alternating between the two. Toss in some Mitch Miller & Lawrence Welk, too.
This. Seriously. I did a monthly report one place I worked. I left step-by-step written directions and spent two days of the three weeks training my replacement on it. First month I’m gone, frantic phone call. I ended up doing the report and emailing it to them. Took me 20 mins or so. They sent me a $75 visa card.
An open letter to my students (not all of them, just the ones to which this applies).
FUCK OFF with your “requests” (demands) for extra credit/special arrangements/incompletes/reconsideration of earlier grades/do-overs. You’ve had sixteen cocksucking weeks to get your shit together and participate in this class at the level necessary to make whatever grade you want to make. Waiting until the last possible minute (3 days before the end of the semester) to start your whining makes me think less of you as people, much less as students.
Including lies in your whines (“I’m an A student, and have NEVER made a C!” when your transcript shows NOTHING BUT C GRADES) makes me want to stake you out over a red ant hill and pour honey over you, then sit back and laugh while sipping whiskey.
Out of 80 students total, five of you have emailed me today to request bullshit. If that rate keeps up over the next three days of the semester (the last three), that’ll be a total of 20 demands for bullshit. THAT’S TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT. What the fuck is going on before you get to college that TWENTY-FIVE MOTHER FUCKING GOAT-FELCHING PERCENT OF YOU think this is appropriate behavior?
Off to focus on the seventy-five percent of you who aren’t total losers.
Sincerely,
Professor Kolga, who is gonna stay half-bombed all weekend to deal with your shit
Kolga, I don’t think you are properly recognizing all of their Special Snowflake statuses.
No, wait, actually you are. 
Sighs with you about your job. There is a good reason that I just toss boxes. But, yes, you have it right about the petty thefts. When my minion told me about the forks, I almost spilled coffee on my laptop because I was laughing so hard. Forks are a nickle each at the thrift store.
If SG could make money out of it, he should be selling the spoons and knives as well. My guess is that he’s taking the forks to go scarf up food in the other departments/buildings and leaves them in the sink. SG can’t be trusted around plastic cuttlery either, but he always takes everything then.
I"m going back to work next Monday. Now that bosslady has had to deal with SG, and he’s been inflicted on HR, I’m just going to continue sending him to HR. I’ll be on limited duty, so I won’t be able to wander around the warehouse looking for him and I won’t be able to do his work for him.
Tony will be driving me back and forth for another month and Tony will want to take the bypass, so we won’t be able to give SG a ride. Sorry, SG, I have to let the person who is taking his time to drive me to work pick the way he wants to go. 
But SG and Tony are best buds now! Surely Tony will want to help out his best bud, who is po’ and old and alone! SG would do it for Tony, if he weren’t so po.
Is SG still losing the pull sheets 3 and 4 times a day, or has he given up on that tactic?
Can you give me some search terms, please? It’s the second time I hear that here, but I can’t find any information contradicting what I was taught: that both CO and CN[sup]-[/sup] have higher binding constants to hemoglobin than oxygen does, and block transportation of oxygen to the cells by not letting the hemoglobin be available for the oxygen. Their poisoning has the same symptoms because it has the same mechanism. I find information indicating for example that analysis for CN[sup]-[/sup] must be conducted when poisoning by CO is present, to discard possible malfeasance.
CO[sub]2[/sub] on the other hand doesn’t have as high a binding constant - while it does bind to hemoglobin (that’s how it gets transported to the lungs after all), the concentrations of it needed to block it are high enough that it works more by displacement than blockage (i.e., an inert gas would have pretty much the same effect, you die more from “lack of oxygen to bond to the hemoglobin” than from “lack of hemoglobin for the oxygen to bond to”).
Yeah, that’s always amusing. “Isn’t there ANYTHING I can do? I need an A in this class!” Then why did you blow this class off all semester?! Why are you suddenly confronting this problem the last week of class?!?!
And, the ever-popular, “Oh, woooops, I didn’t realize homework was so much of our grade…I would’ve done more of it if I’d known…” “The grade break-down is on the syllabus that we went over the first day of class.” “Oh.”
Sympathies to Kolga, that aspect of the corpus studenta I do not miss.
I’ve decided to take advantage of my forced “vacation” by going to visit my folks. I’m still pissed about this, especially since I’m going to have my health insurance fees double-billed the first two weeks of next year. But getting to see my folks again, especially since my dad’s recent heart attack, is a good thing.
So lemons, but lemonade.
Kolga, I had two students (yes, college) come in to explain why neither of them had handed in the last three major projects, and why they’d missed four of the last six classes:
“You can’t expect us to care about school with Modern Warfare 3 AND Skyrim coming out right in the middle of the semester!”
Thanks for the support, everybody. After Friday’s seeming deluge of snowflakery (a veritable blizzard), I have only received one additional begging email. After final grades are posted tomorrow, though, I expect a few more.
I’m ready. Oh, how I’m ready.
Kolga, you didn’t use to write “What Ladder” did you? 
Woohoo, I’ve got a (kind of) job so I can join in properly now!
I’m volunteering in a charity shop. I’ve only done two shifts so far- the first shift, I showed up and there were three other ladies who knew what they were doing. It’s only a small shop, so after standing around aimlessly for ten minutes, as the girl “in charge” is probably about ten years younger than me and obviously didn’t want to give orders, I suggested I re-order the books into A-Z by author, rather than the 21 shelves of randomness they were. The other ladies thought that was a great idea, apparently customers had commented how useful it is in other charity shops & second hand books stores, so I spent a happy shift manically muttering under my breath “aaargh, another C author, I swore I’d got them all!”
My second shift? Books were back out of order, which I was delighted to see as it meant I got to play with them all over again, until Girl-In-Charge said she wasn’t sure “how useful” a use of my time it would be to re-sort them. So once again, four of us milling about in a shop with only one till, and me standing there with nothing else to do wondering how this was better than bringing a little order to the chaos 
Next week I’m putting my foot down, bringing A-Z markers and sorting those damn books 
No, but I wish she would start writing again!
Today is my second to last day at the credit union. You’d think TPTB would want to make sure that my replacement is confident in what she’s doing and that I’m getting stuff squared away. Nope… still trying to train replacement from the teller line. Apparently personal phone calls about the Lions game yesterday are more important.
It’s officially Not My Problem anymore, but I am starting to feel bad for my replacement. She’s in for a world of crap. Especially next month end, what with her trying to learn it from the teller line. She’s not my favorite person but she doesn’t deserve what she’s gonna have to deal with.
I suppose it wouldn’t be very professional to respond to this with, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I think you may have invented a new term. 
You have NO IDEA how often I want to use this when interacting with students. I come here (and other places) to vent because I remain professional in front of the most amazing flakery.
It’s pretty widely used on the Chronicle fora, so I cannot take credit.
Oh, how wrong I was.
Today has brought another blizzard, different students than before, and more desperate (and unbelievably rude and aggressive). In fact, I’m waiting to meet for the rest of the afternoon with various adminicritters because one of my students has decided that my course policies AREN’T FAIR and HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING TO BE ON THE EXAMS and WAAAHH and has filed a complaint.
(please keep in mind that 80% of my students are awesomesauce and I love them and love what I do.)