Dr. Girlfriend, by the time you get said summer help, it will be the Christmas rush and you won’t have time to train them.
Congrats MLS! Surgery tends to not be fun.
I just got an email from bosslady with the subject “just shoot us now!” When I opened the link, it was to the State Archives.
These are the people who tell us how long we need to keep things before shredding them. They are the legal authority for everything I do.
What it shows is that in their wisdom, they choose to put a little disclaimer on all retention schedules are a minimun suggestion. Those boxes of parking tickets that were supposed to be shredded after 7 years? Its just a suggestion, the people who own the boxes don’t have to listen, they can keep them for 50 or more years if they want.
Juvenile records, which are Federally mandated to be destroyed when the person is 25…well, what if the probation officer wants us to keep them until the person is 50?
Those rat infested boxes that nobody is willing to let me burn? They are going to be there until I die.
Gah! Emails again! That have NOTHING to do with me!
Look, quit fucking forwarding me the crap you get. Half of it is work related, the other half is crap about the Secret (actually, not even the secret! The guy who refused to be a part of The Secret because he knows it is wrong and he knows the TRUE secret!) and angels and make money at home and not a one of them is related to my work.
I haven’t been in your position in a year now, I don’t care about the 99.9% of your work emails and the ones I DO care about I am on. I can’t help with the emails because I don’t know the exact details anymore and if I CAN help people who need to ask know to ask me.
So take me off your out of office! BTW, I know you are here today so it doesn’t need to be on even if you are unavailable in training for a couple hours. Your boss is on all the emails in question already so he doesn’t need to get them twice.
I will be asking her to take me off when she gets out of these meetings. I’m busy doing other things and I keep hearing the ding of my email which makes me think I have something else I need to do when in reality I don’t.
So today the boss and I were on a long drive to see a couple of clients. On the way back, out of the blue, he asked, “So, how long are you planning to keep working?” Uh, duh, duh, um…
I had to fess up and say a matter of months. If I’d said oh, years and years and then left in 2 months it would have been kinda bad.
Finding out I was being moved from my semi-private workspace to a cubicle that is not even in our department.
Co-worker that comes in late every day, tells everyone that I was hired to be her file clerk (not true) and spends most of the day texting, having loud, inappropriate telephone conversations and playing solitaire on her computer and a supervisor that is simply unwilling to call her on any of the above.
We finally got the help wanted ad into the paper. It clearly states that the position is part-time, and that you must apply in person. So far we’ve had one person get mad and leave when we told them again that the position is part-time, and another person hung up on the office manager when she wouldn’t take her application over the phone.
W–w–wait… not “over the internet”, but “over the phone”? How exactly would that work? The receptionist reads the job application to her, and she dictates each line?
“O-kaaay… next blank: 'Please describe a project that you had responsibility for, detailing the scope and strategy, and the functions of the employees that reported to you.”
“Ooh, I know the answer to this one. Okay, so ah had me the idear of that we needed us some paradigm-shiftin’ synergy, so me ‘n’ Lenny, that’s Lenny Mattioli, the di-rector of… somethin’, he’s a big deal ennyhoo, we figgered thet we gotta get us a fancy luncheon with cloth tablecloths an’ all. So we spreadsheet us up a Plan. An’ thet Plan (kin ya hear the capital P there? Make sure you write it down that way) gets a-proved by a VeePee over Southern Comfort shots, and whammo, we are All Signs Point To Yes. So first we invite Brienna the insurance intern, 'cause she’s got friends thet’re exotic dancers…”
“Y’know what, I’m going to save us some time and change that blank to: ‘Do you act synergistically to shift paradigms?’”
I honestly don’t know how that person expected to apply over the phone. It’s not like a credit card application or something. I’m expecting people to start rolling into the office tomorrow, I will keep y’all posted. Then we can filter out the ones who come in drunk or in their pjs.
Once I watched an applicant show up early, then sit in his car and smoke lots of pot while waiting for the interview. I really wanted to ask him what he had sprayed on his clothes, because he didn’t reek at all. (his car did)
I have a new second job. I’m not sure how it came about and I’m not really sure that I’m happy about this. While I’m flattered to know that I’m known as the TNR expert for the area, its a little disconcerting to learn that a group has formed and that I’m supposed to head it. This is going to be very depressing. I want to help the ferals, but working with them exclusively will hurt my heart.
Thank you cerberus. I forget that most people don’t know what TNR means. I’m really happy that you corrected me because it means that someone knows what I’m talking about.
Next weekend, we are going to start trapping. Tosses coin in the air…is it better to trap ferals and have them killed because they failed their bloodwork, or go into a collectors home and kill those catsl.
I’ve got a new male at the chow bench. He probably has FIV. I understand that I’m doing herd management, but it still hurts a lot to kill a cat that isn’t suffering.
Please, flatty, can we get some footnotes here? I’d rather have your posts look like The Waste Land* than continually feel stupid for not knowing what chow benches are, or your MIAs (mysterious insider acronyms).
Sorry, but my best friend is a quantum quark-jockey, and uses acronyms and “abbrev’s” all the time… so the rest of his friends end up furtively glancing at each other, raising our eyebrows helplessly while he just breezes on about some LHC where he accidentally made a singularity last night…
see, T.S.Eliot’s brilliant piece of post-modern literature The Waste Land had almost half of most pages devoted to the copious footnotes that attempted to explain What The Heck Was Going On. So I just had to use a footnote to explain it.
slaps forehead. digs, I’m so sorry. I forget that most people are too smart to deal with strays and ferals.
I trap feral cats for fun. I am such an evil person that when I have them in my traps, I take them to the vet and have them tested for kitty STD’s. Feline Leukemia Virus and Feline Immunodeficiency Virus. If they fail their bloodwork, I have them killed.
Once in a while, a wild cat will touch my heart enough for me to have his/her fangs pulled while I’m having the sexual activity stopped. Those cats don’t get released. One of them is curled up on my bed as I type.
I’m sorry if I sound heartless. I love them all. I have to think about the herd when I have cats killed.
Hey, I’ve been thinking that it’s not your fault I feel stupid. It’s my choice of smarty-pants friends (and, yes, my best friend does work on the LHC, but from a lab in Wisconsin… must be the future already).
*
*Oh, sorry, Large Hadron Collider –
at CERN (Centre European pour la Recherche Nucleaire) in CH (Confederation Helvetia) :~}
What a depressing fucking Monday morning. I am a Social Media Professional. No, really. Among my several duties are handling social media WRT this company’s best known products. I knew next to nothing about social media in a business context before I landed this job (as an Editor! My title is Editor!) over a year ago, but I’ve done my damnedest to get smart fast. I have been delighted and proud to see my damnedest working; we have more and more active followers and Likers and organic customer interaction and pins and and blog mentions and all kinds of good stuff, and more all the time. Lovely growth charts and nice fat numbers and quotable testimonials. So OF COURSE now Corporate wants to, let me see here, “effectively create supervision (by Corporate Affairs) of all social media strategy and execution.” Starting today. Also, “Our Social Media Audit is nearing completion and will be integrated into the Brand Review Audit [this audit is of all their child companies, like ours] as a measurement of brand strength, public sentiment and brand awareness.” Mind you Corporate’s own social media presence conspicuously sucks, and associating our products with their “brand” in any way is more likely to hurt us than help.
If you’d told me twenty years ago what I’d be doing today, I’d’ve punched you in the nose. sigh
