:eek: I hope not!!! 
What, did you go hang out in his car or something?
Dear Remote Employees:
You’re part time employees. I get it. You’re not chained to your desk. And even though we ask for regular hours from you, I get that part of why you want to work at home is the flexibility. I get that many of you live in a different time zone than I do. No problem. I don’t expect you to be available to me at every moment.
You know what I do expect? I expect that when I e-mail or call you with a work-related question, I’ll get a response within 24 hours. I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. You know what you could do about the multiple e-mails that bother you? You could ANSWER THE FIRST ONE.
Your Fearless Leader
Crap on a cracker. I’m starting to wander around muttering horrible things about remote employees, and I AM a remote employee.
I have the same problem. I’ve been trained to reply to an email within two hours, and apparently my employees have not been trained the same way. I will even answer a work email from home. I don’t expect them to do that, of course: but when I send an email and ask them to do something, I expect a reply.
Are you hiring? I’ll answer emails gladly! 
A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave her one.
Everyone else in the suite is out at lunch or in meetings, except for one random guy who’s camped out in our conference room. (There are strangers - to me - in there all the time.) But otherwise: crickets. So, I thought to myself, “Self, now would be an excellent time to clean out the betta bowl and do a partial water change. Nobody is using the sink, self! NOBODY! Mwuah-hah-hah! I shall be in nobody’s way!”
I’m nearly done with the processess, which is not time-consuming but does require that I use the fucking sink. Right? Everyone with me? So why is RIGHTFUCKINGNOW the time that Random Dude needs to get to the fridge to my left and the microwave above the sink? Do you not SEE THAT I AM BUSY? I felt completely pushed out of the way, so I murmured something about moving the bowl back to my desk and scuttled away, leaving some splashed puddles. When I returned two seconds later, he’d mopped them up and was giving me the stinkeye.
Really, asshole? Right NOW you need the sink? You can’t wait one fucking minute for your crackers and can of soup? Sheeeeesh.
Fishie is pouting in his clean new home. I’m pouting at my desk, watching the pouting fish, because people are inconsiderate assholes sometimes, and because I don’t stand up for myself nearly as much as I should.
Dear chubby co-worker:
It’s good that you want to lose weight in 2012. I’ve watched you put it on over the past 8 years, and I know you’ve been struggling with it. The shirt you’ve been wearing for the past few years is gapping at the front, over your belly, and I’m sure that’s not fun.
Going to the gym is a good idea. So is monitoring your diet. What’s not such a hot idea is becoming a seller for a multi-level marketing company, hawking a weight-loss shake. What’s an even worse idea is trying to hit up your peers and subordinates at work, selling your shake. You pitched to one of your team so often that she (never known for her tact in the best of times) felt like she had to say loudly, “I don’t want to drink your crap, and stop asking me!”
Also trying to convince people at work to sell it with you is a bad idea. We’ve all watched you move from one get-rich-quick scheme to another, with no success. And now, telling everyone that you’ve lost 30 pounds since 1/1/12 because of this shake *when you’ve clearly lost nothing like that amount *is probably a bad idea as well.
Also a bad idea: telling us how overweight your wife is/was, and how much weight she’s lost all thanks to you and your miracle weight-loss pixie-dust. If my wife ever found out I was revealing details like that about her, she’d probably make me lose weight quickly as well, mostly by evisceration.
That is an entirely reasonable request. Now we don’t have anymore flexible hours for our remote workers than our office workers do but if someone was taking more than 24 hours to respond it would sink the program. I would go after that person in the dark of night with a weapon.
It’s crossed my mind. Yesterday, mid-morning, I told my husband that if I made it to midnight without requiring bail money, it would be a minor miracle. (I managed it.)
[QUOTE=Ann Onimous]
Are you hiring? I’ll answer emails gladly!
[/QUOTE]
What do you do, besides answer e-mail cheerfully and promptly?
Dickweed, please note that I am not the bottom of your shoe. I am a human being and expect to be treated as such. You can get off your goddamn cell phone before conducting your business with me. Your can also get off your high horse and not pitch a fit about having to wait ten minutes when you show up fifteen minutes early. Also, if you have glaucoma so bad that you can’t see the sun shining outside, why the fuck are you driving?
It must be nice to be the owner’s daughter … come in late, take a long lunch, run personal errands on the clock, leave early … damn I can’t wait to be out of here!!
Glad you made it. I didn’t think I was going to make it through today without popping off and pulling out my Nerf gun.
I’m a supervisor in a call center. Today I had to help with QA and do all the stuff I normally do. It was a long one. I think I’m going to borrow one of my kids’ Nerf guns in the morning. They have one that holds 36 rounds. 
My boss is nice.
His boss is nice, too, but he’s Swiss. In the words of a former coworker who was German and going back home, “these Swiss, they’re more German than we are!”
I have these documents I wrote per my boss’ instructions, referencing other documents, and now the Swiss One has decreed that the parts we’d deleted because they were irrelevant and we wanted to Save The Trees have to go back in. The template has those parts, therefore those parts have to be there. It is the Procedure. The Procedure is what it is. Whether the Procedure makes sense or not is irrelevant. The Procedure must be followed.
Poor trees…
I call those people Third Gamers. You know how teams will play a series of games, and to emerge as champion, you have to win two out of three? If Team A won the first two games, these people would insist on playing the third game. Because it says two out of three.
See, we are equal opportunity. We ALL do the above fairly regularly. We do good work and our company believes that we are more efficient if we don’t have to worry about our outside work stuff.
(Granted, it takes a special kind of employee to work here. You have to be self motivated or you won’t be here very long.)
My rant:
I am getting a blackberry. I have avoided it for years. I am supposed to get it today. <sigh> I really liked being disconnected on the weekend.
Damn lady … I knew you weren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but THAT was a stupid question. “I started Fluffy’s cough tablets last night, and his cough is worse this morning. Are they supposed to make him cough more, or less?” REALLY?!
The dog has been sick for a week and you’ve given it TWO pills and are all freaked out becaues he’s not magically better already?? I swear … I know we’re supposed to do x-rays if he’s not better by next week, but not until you pay your damned bill.
The job applicants have been a sorry bunch so far:
Guy who didn’t fill out half the application and refused to take the math test.
Guy who smelled so bad we wanted to fumigate the place after he left.
Guy who could barely walk across the parking lot- want ad clearly states must be able to do light manual labor. This guy couldn’t push a broom if his life depended on it.
Lady with multiple piercings and visible tattoos. I would’ve given her a chance if it were up to me but boss is a real stickler about these things. He won’t even call someone with tattoos and piercings in for an interview.
Lady who went on and on about how easy the math test was. I checked it after she left and she didn’t get one question right.
We have had one decent applicant so far, but she is only available a few days a month. That doesn’t help any.
Sigh… maybe next week’s crop will be better.
Dear Vendor,
You are so fucking fired. I am sick and tired of writing emails that start with “We apologize for” whatever it was that you shipped that was broken, used, and/or missing parts. You were better than our previous vendor for the type of items you sell, in that you would actually ship the items, but it is apparent to me that when you get defective merchandise back, you just put it back in stock to re-ship. I am more than sick and tired of having to micromanage your employees in order to have anything done. If you are supposed to do an exchange or give credit on an item that was returned, you should fucking DO IT; I shouldn’t have to send more emails to get you to do what you promised to do. You have one particular employee who has NEVER, in a whole YEAR, followed through with anything she said she would do without being prodded by me. If you promise to do a reship, you should fucking DO IT. If we sell one of your products using a picture that is provided by you, it should LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THE ITEM. If you are showing one color and shipping a different one, IT IS A PROBLEM. I shouldn’t get an email that states, “That picture is deceptive. It is actually the color we shipped.” FUCK! Did you really say that? I look at the email you sent, just to be sure. Yes. Yes you did. But the one that finally put my boss over the top was the lady who was so frustrated with trying to get your item to work that she THREW IT IN THE TRASH. I asked you for a credit; you offered half, which is less than what you said you would do for us just last week, when you wanted us to just throw money at people to make them go away. Full credit; that is what we want from you, as you promised. Remember, you useless ass, we are still out the cost of shipping your miserable stuff. I refunded ALL of her money, because it was the right thing to do. You need to do the same, jackass.
Wow, Cheez_Whia, its awesome that you are allowed to fire customers. Be happy!!!
Dr. Girlfriend, I’m sorry. You seem to be a very nice person, so I shouldn’t be laughing, but I am. I’ve done the part-timer hiring thing in the past.
I mentioned the guy who was busy smoking pot before his interview. If it had been my choice, I would have hired him. He knew how to self medicate and hopefully wouldn’t try to toss lawyers off the loading dock. (I didn’t hang out in his car, I went out to smoke and walked by his car.)
It upsets me when we go through the entire hiring process and there is a ringer (someone who is going to get the job, but we have to interview people and pretend that they have a chance to get the job).
It sounds more like Vendor is a wholesaler and Cheez_Whia sells Vendor’s goods.