Actually, Newbie Presenters, I am psychic. So if you’d shut the fuck up for two minutes instead of constantly interrupting my explanations when we begin I could answer 90%+ of your questions before you ask them.
Listen, you little shit: banging your fists on the keyboard doesn’t make the work go away faster. Usually, I have to resort to bagpipe music to drown out your flailing, but that wouldn’t even cut it today. :mad:
Well, I like to think of it as the Rita Hayworth poster covering the hole in the wall that I’m digging with a rock hammer so I can escape from Shawshank, but I’m too lazy to dig and the Supply Nazi would never order me a rock hammer anyway, so … either one, I suppose.
Exactly! Even better now? They want me to sit in on a 2.5 hour meeting at the start of month end to test their fix.
Yay!
I am SO glad I am on vacation this month.
Along the lines of the Fomenting Sedition thing…
We got a new department name that is a lot of clusters of letters separated by lots of dashes. Supremely unwieldy. Now being a contractor, I would never dream of making this kind of subtle joke and giving someone the idea that maybe I didn’t want to work there. But if I was an employee, I’d be all over it.
xyz - abc - defg - your hopes
Let’s see if you can figure it out. 
Have you ever tried to order a rock hammer? Well? Have you?
Dear Co-Worker,
If I am explaining a multi-step process, please, please do not say “I get it,” “I see,” “I understand,” at step 1 when you do not get it, do not see, and do not understand.
When I am reasonably sure that you don’t get it and ask point blank “Do you understand?” do not say “Yes, yes, go on, go on.”
Do not continue to do this through the remainder of the steps, when you don’t understand them either.
Because when I get to step 7 and you ask a question that you would know the answer to if you’d understood step 1 (which you didn’t) and I have to go back to step 1 and re-explain it and then re-explain steps 2-6 (which depended on step 1), I get really, really annoyed.
Also, when I’m re-explaining step 1 and trying to figure out a different way to say it that may make more sense to you, do not start in with the “I get it, I see, Yes” routine all over again.
I may be giving horrible and confusing explanations (or you might be an idiot. At this point, I’m not sure). But it will take less time and cause fewer problems if you do not lie to me about your level of comprehension.
I am now on strike. Sorta.
Everyone in the warehouse (except me) has now told the rather spineless upper manager that they have one medical condition or another that let’s them not have to climb or even move one of the ‘ladders’. These ladders are actually heavy-duty rolling staircases that resemble these, only larger. So I have my own orders to fill, I only have 1/2 a day to fill them (the other half I have to take care of a boatload of other inventory issues at my desk), and I get just about as many orders to fill as other folks in the place.
But from the moment I walk in I get ‘can you get this down from that shelf’, can you get that? I spent far too much time getting parts of other people’s orders that I spent far more time filling my own.
Monday morning I had enough. I told the first person who asked me that this morning that I’d get to it if I had time and could get to it. Then the second, then the third, then the fourth…you get the idea. I’m done with this crap. I ended up fetching only one or two items from high shelves. Today was the same, and some folks were starting to get indignant. I’ll do the same tomorrow. Thursday is the ‘team meeting’ in the morning. I wonder what will come of that.
You MUST report back on that, you know.
While I sympathize with people with legitimate medical issues, at some point that needs to become “Well clearly we can’t fire you for your condition, but clearly you are unable to do the job. We’re transferring you to custodial services. Here’s your mop.”
Oh wait, you said spineless manager.
Well, on the bright side that will only go on so long before he gets canned.
Good for you! I wonder if you should cover yourself by emailing your manager and explain that, in the interest of efficiency, you’re going to focus on getting your orders filled. Then, if you have time, you can do others’ work on a first-come, first-served basis.
Might be good to cc your co-workers, to signal that it won’t do any good for anyone to complain that you’re not helping them (Waaaah…).
amarinth and Mr. Miskatonic, do you work with Jane? It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that she has several other jobs because she is an expert in everything.
Not to mention faster and better. I’ve been going around and around with her over safety. Boxes and rolling staircases, and don’t over reach, no…don’t lean down from the stair side, use the rails…slow down, safety is more important than production. Did she listen? Of course not, she knew the better way to do things.
Which included her falling off one of those moving staircases last night. In the back end of the warehouse, where nobody would hear her. Cue Jane staggering into the main area, hysterical and holding her arm with scratches on her face and neck.
Mail lady and I heard her and ran out of our respective areas at about the same time. Mail lady was awesome, she grabbed Jane and held her head. When I scooted a chair under Jane’s butt, mail lady held Jane’s neck straight, while cuddling her and being calm and supportative.
Jane is OK. She’s bruised and would it be wrong of me to say that I hope she learned something?
It wouldn’t be wrong at all. Is it wrong of me to think the probability she actually learned anything approaches zero from the negative side?
Work’n’Mom related rant: I’m already in conversations for the job after next. Apparently my mother still does not comprehend “when I am on the phone is NOT the right time to ask me who am I talking to.” Fortunately that particular agent and I have been working together long enough that I can tell him “excuse me one minute”, move the cell away from my face and say in a tone that leaves Mom speechless and then fuming (which is one of the few things she does silently, while she prepares the Speech of Doom) “MOM NOT NOW FUCK IT!” Move cellphone back in place, “I’m sorry, you were saying?”
At least I know that if I ever do kill her I’ll have witnesses willing to say it was self-defense. My brothers, for starters.
Just got an email from the boss saying that I need to put together a training plan for the rest of the year. This is the first time I’ve heard of a training plan, and I’ve been here six years. The training budget is pretty tight, so they can’t really spend, you know, any actual money on classes.
OMFG you stupid bitch!
Last week when you asked me for help on that new process I sent you the template you need as well as that step by step screenshot filled document prepared for us. A 5 year old could follow it. You said, and I quote, “Reading it now.” Then you asked to watch me do it, which meant I had to read the document and figure it out cause I’m a slacker. But since I have more than 2 brain cells I managed to follow the damn document .
Today you asked me to look on while you tried. I watched in amazement as you managed to assume “stupid dear in the headlights” look and stumble and fuck up every step, including “open the pdf with the instructions.” An excel spreadsheet is NOT A FUCKING PDF! And when I say “duplicate that entire mapping table, just like the instructions say,” I meant the entire table, not just whichever fields you decided you needed. So of course the thing failed. And of course you didn’t do what I said last week and made sure the right item in the dropdown was created for you, so it’s impossible to get it to work. Good luck to you. Or not, I stopped giving a fuck.
Yes. As a joke, but still. I didn’t get one. I also didn’t get the Staedtler erasers that I like so much because they don’t tear the contract documents when you need to erase any pencil marks that have been made on them. Also, I can’t get Post-It notes in any color except “extremely wan yellow” and I can’t seem to convince anybody that maybe we should be ordering copy paper with a slightly higher recycled content than 0% since we just got dinged in our sustainability audit and lost a local tax break. But, you know, whatever.
In the meantime, I have it on good authority (i.e., the Manager who signed the req form left the paperwork on her desk one of the 85,000 times per day that she is up getting coffee) that the Supply Nazi was able to order himself a Montblanc pen on the company dime. Because they’re “ergonomic.” Mmm, okay, whatever.
Again: THE “SEDITION” I AM FOMENTING IS NOT IN SECRET.
OK. Things got a little more interesting today:
I had more orders this morning that usual, co-incidentally they all had things that needed ladders to get. I had a short discussion with the person who distributes the orders and asked her about it. It was never said directly but the jist was that the other pickers tried to get her to give me as many orders that have stuff on the higher shelves. as they could. Trouble is, that is a lot of the orders. My picking workload was about 30% above normal. I explained calmly that she needs to knock that off even though she didn’t admit to doing it. I was rather diplomatic about it. When I got to my desk and got my picking logs for the past few days and sent them to the spineless manager and pointed out that this trend cannot continue if he wants me to do the work that is my primary job.
In other developments, the other pickers have found another sucker, sort of. One of the maintenance guys is a very happy-go-lucky guy who likes to be helpful (pretty well adjusted guy who used to be in the ARVN and probably the only person in the company with a known body count) so they’ve gotten him whenever they can. Trouble is, he is a maintenance guy. He’s not suppose to be doing this. The only time he should be doing anything in the warehouse is when the forklift is needed to get big pallets off the top shelves and I or the other licensed forklift people are not around. But the poor guy could not walk through the warehouse today without being nabbed to pick something on an higher shelf.
And for more fun, I was still asked a few times to get things from higher shelves. I tried even being diplomatic about it in a sneaky way. I told the person that I’d be happy to grab it for them (once I finished the order I was working on) but I didn’t have time to mess around. So if she would move the ladder into the proper position I’d just dash up (OK, walk up - I r a safe picker) so it wouldn’t take me a minute to help out. Well that was not the answer they wanted to hear, because moving the ladder/stairs is the hard part, and what they’ve all been trying to avoid in the first place. This was to one of the ones who claimed they had ‘Vertigo’ on the ladders. I should have done this earlier.
Everyone is grumpy today. Can’t imagine why.
Alrighty then. 
(A MontBlanc pen? Seriously? Those things are like, $150! She obviously has a “friend” way up the food chain to get away with that!)
Mr. Miskatonic, that seriously sucks.
Aw, shit - we all gotta do a cheesy “funny” skit for some corporate montage video tomorrow. Apparently our team’s office is going to be doing some sort of “The Bachelorette” spoof. 
Man, I hate this kind of crap. You hired me to do a job, now let me do it! I was forced into enough cheesy “funny” skits at the endless procession of summer camps I was shipped off to - I thought I was done with that shit now that I’m a, y’know, grown ass adult.
Work in a velociraptor somehow. That’ll teach them.