“I need access to every database in the entire production system beginning with the letter I. I need it tomorrow and I only need it for one day. I’ll be out of the office for the rest of the day, so you folks will need to figure this out and have it ready for me when I come back.”
Nope, doesn’t work that way. There are a fuckton of databases that begin with that letter and they cross a dozen or more systems. You tell us which specific databases you need and fill out the proper forms with your manager’s approval, and THEN we’ll talk to their owners about getting you access.
You give me this kind of crap? You get a very detailed response about why you’re not getting anything until you follow proper procedures and how we’re not doing your work for you or giving you access to ‘everything’ because you’re too lazy to do that work… cc’d to your manager.
That was last Thursday. Not a peep from him since.
I guess he really didn’t need that access after all.
A very mild rant, really. But if you are seeking work as a copyeditor, it might be nice to have a working knowledge of grammar and syntax. Hyphenation, people. It’s really not such a mystery. There are rules all written down and everything.
Here’s a tip: when you don’t have time to fill out the correct paperwork to get something done, INCLUDE THE DAMN INFORMATION THAT IS REQUIRED TO DO IT.
Oh, wait, you don’t KNOW that information. Then I can’t do it. Period. Seriously. You need a key for software but don’t know what version or the number of users or even what parts of the software they need access to.
I pulled my best guess out of my ass but I KNOW it’s going to be wrong. And I am fairly certain that this will come back to bite me.
(I copied my boss on the final results and I could see how purple he was turning even from 200 miles away. When he gets back from vacation, the veep who asked for this is going to get a smack upside the head.)
ETA; Additional rant: did everyone wait until my boss left to bring up all the strange shit? Do you think I am unwilling to say no to things? Cause I really am the second in command here and have been for years. I know EXACTLY what my boss would do even in weird situations and that’s what I am going to do while he is away. I am happy to send you to my grandboss for a second opinion but he is just going to come straight back to me and back me up.
Periodically I am the last person here for the last hour of our support window after pretty much everyone else in the company has gone home for the day.
One person really likes to call us during that time with really complex issues requiring support from different areas and then act irritated that NO ONE is around to help him.
He’s in the same time zone I’m in. I see no reason for him to wait until that late in the day to address these issues, every motherfucking time.
I now interrupt your regularly scheduled griping for an absolutely hilarious request I just filled.
Big Boss the GM has been whistling the “Winnie the Pooh” song for the last fifteen minutes. He and Detailed AGM have been trying to remember the lyrics beyond “Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh, da da da da da de da da da de da da”. Detailed AGM just went out on a smoke break. “Look up the lyrics to ‘Winnie the Pooh’ and put them on my desk,” he asked.
So I did. The lyrics in question, in case you were wondering are “Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff.”
Wow. Such a missed pranking opportunity! You could have had weeks of entertainment listening to the Big Boss walking around singing made-up lyrics of your choice.
I used to have a link to a page that would start playing It’s a Small World immediately after you opened it. Usefull for rick-rolling (“small worlding”?) people.
One of my former co-workers kept playing this repetitious god awful song over and over, so I started playing IaSW each time he’d play his song. Pissed him off royally. But it made him stop. Except for every great once in a while when he’d forget and play it again.
At my work computer, so I don’t have the time or energy to look for the page.
Yesterday:
Li’l customer: you have only mentioned Process1 and Process2, but what about Process3 and Process4?
Big customer: yes, I found it strange too… my boss* mentioned those two were also available, but I checked the docs from the last few months and there was no mention of either.
Grandboss*: oh, we do have them available actually… what were the codes, Nava?
Me: PRO3 and PRO4, but did PRO4 get completed? Two years ago it had been tested but not put into Production, there were a few tweaks it still needed.
Grandboss: yes, I know we finished it for Victor. I’ll write to Luis, he wrapped up the details. So, anyway, we do have those two processes. What else?
Boss adds to the minutes “PRO3 and PRO4 (already tested and approved for other businesses) will also be implemented”.
Is it wrong if I purr? (The updatednew design doesn’t include those two processes; they’re all mine, mine… and of anybody who actually knows anything about the subject, damnit)
who had been heavily involved in the original design
The toilet is 6 foot square, incorporating bog, sink, soap dispenser, hand dryer and bog paper dispenser. The paper dispenser is stainless steel, and as you take some sheets it always shreds off a few corners of paper and at the end of the day these litter the floor. And I’m the only person that tries to catch the fragments.
The hand dryer is a high powered device, that sounds like a 747 on take-off. Combine this with the paper that litters the floor in the confined space and the results are quite spectacular. Paper is blown from the floor into the air.
The dryer is close enough to the bog that occasional movement will trigger it.
No, you don’t want to go down that road. Monday a lady came down with multiple complaints about things that kept her up all night long. Every little noise kept her up all night long. So Big Boss pulls up YouTube on his computer and starts playing Lionel Ritchie’s “All Night Long” all day long Monday and then again Wednesday when he was telling me about it. I got him to start singing “Dancing on the Ceiling” for a while, but all week he’s been singing Lionel Ritchie songs. I’ve had to listen to nonstop Röyksoppevery afternoon to pound those songs out of my head.
I’m standing in the kitchen area talking to a manager we sometimes do some work for. My lunch is in the microwave, she’s getting coffee.
Guy goes to walk past me, and as it’s a narrow space, I move forward out of his way. He walks over to the microwave, OPENS IT UP, notices my food, closes it and restarts it. Jackass. You could see and hear it running before you did that, and I was standing right there. There’s only about 30 seconds left on the timer. So he walks back past me. Gets 10 feet past me and then turns around and walks back to the microwave to check the time on it again. Walks back past me (fourth pass now). Gets 3 feet past me and immediately turns around and almost walks into me (fifth pass). Gets 3 feet past me in the direction of the microwave, spins around and walks past me for the sixth time.
I decide to walk over and stand directly in front of the microwave for the last 10-15 seconds. It goes off and he’s right there in my face at the microwave. I refused to say “excuse me” as I just walked toward my desk with my hot food in front of me and made him step out of my way.
Oh yeah, he didn’t have his food! :smack: So back to his desk to get it.
ASSHOLE.
You know, when people have to move aside for you to get through a space, you don’t motherfucking walk back and forth behind them six times in 15 seconds. You don’t stop and open the microwave when other people’s food is in it, and you don’t hover the fuck over them and then get in their face to use it when you don’t even have your actual food in hand and they’re still retrieving theirs.
Go ahead, stick your head in that thing. I’m only sorry it won’t run with the door open.
The previous time I worked for this customer, they required everybody to use XP Pro - which Microsoft did not sell any more, so basically either you were able to obtain a still-working, non-corporate license somewhere or you pirated. Yarr and all that.
This time I asked, since I happen to have 7 Home, and was told it was OK, they’re not “putting people in domain” any more.
Yesterday I was told to go get the corporate programs installed, “you can go to [address about 1h away] any time before 5pm”. I went there straight from lunch, and good thing I did, because I was leaving at 5:28 and they close at 5:30. Thee shalt not leave me without a computer overnight if thee apreciatest thine hands.
The email program doesn’t work because it can’t find its server. Booyah. The webmail connection doesn’t work, incorrect password. The user I’d created in my computer? The protocol calls for creating a new one; I’ve already transferred the files I’d already created for this project, the web shortcuts (id.) and closed the old user. IOW, yesterday I could work, today I can’t. Splendid. Oh, and the dude who did the job was known to my team as “the moron” but now he’s been upgraded to “Mr. Demo”: he’s one of those who demonstrate how stupid they are every time they open their mouths. He didn’t like my computer’s brand, didn’t like the model, didn’t like the SO (I’d offered to upgrade to Pro and was told not to), didn’t like that I had created a user specifically for work, didn’t like the SAP GUI I have (it’s an old one, yes, but it works), didn’t like that it didn’t have any servers (why should it? This team accesses via webpage, not via GUI - I delete every client’s data every time), didn’t like that we have Developer access, doesn’t like Devs (that’s ok, I’m not one - I’m one of the people who tell Devs what to do), doesn’t like seeing file names in foreign languages (well, the project is in France), doesn’t like people who speak French (as I said, the project is in France)… dude, I don’t like you, but I’m not stupid enough to say so!
so let me get this straight. this is the 5th September I have worked at this company (in a non-inventory related role) and it is the 5the September I have arranged well in advance to take a Friday off so i can be sure of having the Saturday off becasue I teach a workshop every year at this time and have done so for many years. Last year was the first year that we did inventory in September and we are doing so again this year. Now tptb have decided that this Saturday is a mandatory work day to prep for the inventory the fololowing week and although I asked for this off 6 months ago, I am getting grief over it. I am also being told that because I “always” ask off for inventory that I have a reputation for avoiding inventory.
I last year asked off and was approved for two Fridays in a row in September and guess when they sceduled inventory.
I guess I will have to stop having any outside activity becasue work “might” need me.
