This sounds like a lot of fun.
Be thankful. You will be too busy to think straight no matter what, but this spares you the pouting and whining.
I have witnessed real, non-student, workers:
play table hockey with dry ice (okay, that was me)
play “snake” with a co-worker - spin a co-worker in a wheel chair on a highly polished tile floor around and then let them go (that was a blast)
inhale helium
and, yes, add water to acid (at least this was in a hood)
… have you caught on this was in labs? Full of dangerous chemicals and expensive equipment?
In short, don’t think they’ve learned their lesson.
I can neither confirm nor deny that I’ve ever used a pallet jack as a scooter, on an active factory floor.
Or used an acetone rinse bottle as a squirt gun in organic chem lab, in college.
If you have long cardboard tubes, jousting is inevitable. (Wheeled stools or chairs are optional but helpful) Fencing might also occur if you have long cardboard tubes or any long thin objects.
A few tips for my annoying coworker: When I’m working on a project for you, it doesn’t go any faster when you keep asking me if I’m done yet. No, I’m not done, and every time you ask me, it will take longer to finish.
Some fun things that happened: Annoying Coworker will hover over me while I’m working and make “helpful” suggestions. She will also remind me that something needs to be done (in a tone of voice that suggests that I won’t remember to do it). Yes, I know that needs to be done, and I will do it as soon as I finish the bit that I’m working on right now. I can’t do two things at once.
She wrote up some notes on changes she wanted me to make and had to read them all out to me even though they were blindingly obvious.Yes, I understand you want me to add that there. I do more complicated edits in my sleep. I can handle your puny little edits. You don’t need to sit there and read them all to me. However, it would help if you’d try to write things so I can read them. Your handwriting sucks.
Then I had email problems. I sent her an email and for some reason it didn’t go. So I’m working on getting the email problem fixed (turns out an update was installed and the little box telling me I needed to restart Outlook was hidden down at the bottom of my windows somewhere), and while I’m in the middle of fixing it, she emails and asks me if I’ve emailed this thing yet. Well, if my email is not working, I can’t email you and tell you what’s going on, can I? :rolleyes: Barrel of laughs, she is. But the project is done and I survived (until next time).
SpazCat, I hope you find a new job soon. Your coworkers suck. Is there any chance that Squirrel is having an affair with Daisy (or wants to)? That’s the only explanation I can think of that makes sense.
Did you do this in an area where you were visible through large glass windows at night where the light from the building made your activities all the more apparent to anybody walking by? One can only hope that by the time they graduate, they will have learned one should secure an area away from witnesses before begining a cardboard tube jousting competition.
Daisy’s a he.
Me to give a good goddamn. I just don’t have one to give. I think She Who Must Be Obeyed has it out for me anyway. She values talk over substance and I, unfortunately have substance.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
They don’t let us get overtime.
I have a six-day week because the pay period begins on Wednesday and my workweek begins on Tuesday.
I’m sowing seeds of dissension among the troops. I pointed out to New Girl today that Daisy’s getting Memorial Day weekend off and she was also offended. I’m planning on mentioning that in passing to a lot of people. If it reaches the ears of management that people have noticed and are not pleased, well then such things happen, don’t they?
A long Microfiche themed rant
It’s been over a year since I left, so I think I can tell this tale. Some information will be changed.
Once upon a time, corporate records were archived onto microfilm. it was a pretty good system, and if you needed access to a particular record, you would wander up to the records department and they would give you sight of the information, or, if it was more complex, you could get a printout. All they needed was the sales region and the account number.
Then IT was outsourced. Badly. We were promised new front ends for our many systems. We were promised new desktops and a PC on every desk - about half our staff were still using workstations and had to hotdesk if they needed a PC. They promised to make a version of the workstation applications to run on a PC. In the end I did get a PC on my desk. It sat next to my workstation which dated back to 1995.
And then they promised a paperless office. This was an office where I requested some information from a client, and it arrived in a wheelbarrow containing three centuries of data. And I needed all of it. Under the new system, this would all be scanned and sent through as a virtual file. I have used image based workflow systems in the past, and they worked well for me.
So then their eyes fell on the microfiche. This was one of the things that actually worked, and they wanted to mess around with it.
Over a period of some months they scanned all the microfiche, probably 1million records. What they didn’t give us was a front end interface. A news item on the intranet told us that the records department had closed, and the scanned microfiche could be accessed here…
Server 1 records from regions A-C, M and K
Server 2 Regions D-H but not including F
Server 3 F and a bit of G.
etc
I think there was eight of them. Once you found the server your region was on, each account had its own folder so it should have been a simple task to browse to the record you required. Except that it took up to 10 minutes for the list of folders to be populated, a combination of a slow network, windows wanting to index the files every time, and an inability for users to switch off indexing.
The instructions to find files were eventually lost on the network, as they slipped down the news feed, so nobody could find anything. Mainly for my own use, I created a simple word document with hyperlinks to the regions. I called it Fish tracker. My manager was impressed. My grandboss tried to slip me a £25 incentive voucher.
Then IT realised that everyone indexing the files every single search was doing bad things to the network, they split the records on the servers into 2500 account chunks.
I am not a programmer, and I had no access to anything beyond Office 2003 to play with
I was working with people who were not that IT literate, so browsing folders was something they were not comfortable with. So I created version 2.
Version 2 was based on index functions within an excel spreadsheet. And all you had to do was select the region from a dropdown list, enter the account number and press “Go” This took you straight to your files. It had a very clean interface, and all the data was hidden from the user, making it as user-friendly as possible. Great Grandboss was very impressed. I was allowed to share it beyond my department. At this time, one enterprising manager (or a twat as he will henceforth be known) took my file, renamed it File finder, removed my name from inside the file and circulated it to his staff. Twat’s email suggested it was something his staff might find useful. I was given permission from my boss to have a word with him about properly recognising the value of an individuals work. And also that circulating the file rather than linking to the shared file on the network menat that updates would not be circulated.
So then my work got noticed by board level They were a bit cheesed off with the lack of a front end for microfiche, amongst other failings. They directed IT to make my spreadsheet the official interface. For my efforts I was offered a sports car by the board. Actually, it was the use of a sportscar at a local racing circuit for an afternoon. For a variety of reasons I turned it down.
This Fishtracker spreadsheet is still in use some five years later. When I left the company, I changed my spreadsheet. In the box where I asked people to contact me if they had any problems, I changed it to read “spotthegerbil has left the company. So long, and thanks for all the fish.”
TL/DR Excel saves the day.
I got a cube mate who is doing the sliding ice in the cup torture every morning !
I asked a PhD chemist if he wanted to help me determine if a solid they pulled from some plant equipment was oleum. I had it sitting in a beaker in a lab hood while I went to go get gloves, goggles, etc.
When I came back he was standing there with a water bottle – no PPE other than safety glasses – as I said “So what should we start with… NO, WAIT!”
Squirt of water, unknown solid immediately explodes into bright white fog that fills the hood.
“… Well. I guess it was oleum.”
Googles.
Oh SHIT
He’s no Walter White.
Everyone is coming to me for boring, unimportant tasks, just because I can do them.
Yeah, I can set up a spreadsheet, customize the chart, and reformat (and proof) the instructions in Word in less time than it takes to brag about it, and I enjoy it; it’s fun.
But these days no-one is seeing this as me going the extra … few yards for the team. It’s as if my primary role these days is picking up after all people. Fix this, re-do that, remind some-one to wash behind their ears …
You fucked up, you blamed some-one else, you got my boss to assign me to fix it - don’t fucking condescend to me by telling me you don’t know what you would do without me.
I know what you would do without me - your damned job.
::muttering 'oleum … oleum … what IS oleum?..::
Oh dear mother of god, that’s fuming sulfuric acid. I dropped the cap from a sulfuric acid bottle and I still have the scar from the splash.
What is wrong with some people?
(… from the person who diluted hydrofluoric acid in a glass flask - never gonna live that one down)
Did you have to barium afterwords?
Excellent. I shall be using this line on the department website (sole maintainer, me) when I abandon ship.
Preach it, brotha. I’m always afraid of letting employers know what I’m capable of (and after 18 years working in offices, there isn’t much I can’t do or figure out), because then it all gets added into my duties.
To my company:
You don’t seem to understand the meaning of ‘incentives’. Incentives are things that are meant to encourage your workers to extend themselves over and above their normal working tasks. By offering your recent ‘incentives’ in the hope that more people will roster on for Saturday work, you’ve shown that you really don’t give two shits AND you think we’re fucking idiots.
Your incentives are worthless, in fact worse than worthless. Why would I spend a fucking Saturday slogging on the phones for (at best) an extra (AUD) 0.40c per hour? Are you kidding? Do you really think that such an incentive is enough to get me to give up a relaxing Saturday to help you out? Oh, and the bonus is ONLY if they can get enough people to work enough hours…so even if I work the full day, my bonus is kaputted unless the target hours for the TEAM are reached.
Fuck me dead, are you morons? As it turns out, I normally work a couple of hours on a Saturday anyway, but I can feel a malady coming on…I’m fine, really, I’m OK, but I fear that on Saturday morning it’s going to hit me with a vengeance. I’m so sorry…have to miss my shift. 
Fucking idiots. :mad:
I can confirm that I did in fact use a pallet jack as a scooter in a KMart, multiple times.
Isn’t it some kind of legal requirement that, if you have access to a pallet jack, you have to use it as a scooter at least once in your life? :dubious:
I really, really, really, really, wish the comments section of our intranet was monitored or regulated. I’ve gotten spoiled by the order and control of (most of) SDMB. After a news article about the weather in California someone posted a link to an Agenda 21 conspiracy theory website. WTF? A few comments later someone is saying the government is controlling the weather with a weapon called “harp” and Russia has one too! Look it up!
I almost replied something snarky (Really? HAARP? Did it also shoot down Columbiaand ruin your date?) when I realized I’m at work! This isn’t a random message board, these are people posting at their workplace with their names right next to what they are saying! (Where’s a “Block” button when you need one?)
Note to the “harp” guy, it really doesn’t help your conspiracy theory credence when you do a double post. Or misspell what you’re afraid of.