Well, Gedd, at least now you know who not to sit down next to in the break room!
Do the comments allow pictures?
Post a picture of a harp.
I can’t read comments sections for the same reason. This place is a haven of (mainly) good sense in the insane wilds of the internet.
So long, and thanks for all the fish is how I have signed off my last three letters of resignation. So far, nobody has asked if I think I am the most intelligent being in the office.
I have also used a pallet jack as a scooter. If you haven’t, then you have missed out.
Floor buffers are even more entertaining. I can ride a floor buffer longer than the Marines (Video link, no apparent bad words), especially if someone is holding the cable above me.
To coworkers in the next bathroom stall who demand to know who else is doing their business. To the same few women who must chat about their business, and other small talk besides. I’m not the weird one for not participating. Come on, boundaries.
No, they do not appreciate what I do. If they appreciated it, they would give me a raise and a promotion.
Actually, they think any moderately intelligent person could do what I do, but they’re just too busy to do it themselves.
What really bothers me is that when I leave they will trash me for not leaving adequate instructions for tasks they do not value, that they would not authorize me to write, and that are on my network folder, as I have told them.
I don’t even write emails anymore, I just forward the last one I wrote. It doesn’t embarrass them.
I quote the chorus from Jo Dee Messina’s “Bye Bye” in my good bye emails.
Bye bye, I’ll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
‘Cause I ain’t never lookin’ back.
You can count on that.
I’ve tried all I can imagine
…[I’ve begged and pleaded in true lover’s fashion] …
I’ve got pride, I’m takin’ it for a ride
Bye bye
I wouldn’t dare use that as a farewell. As a professional cook, I would be afraid that my employer would take it as a confession that I had been stealing product from the freezer. 
On another note, we have a couple newly-hired caregivers at the retirement home where I work. Tonight, one of them was helping to serve dinner, and she continued to confirm for me that, apparently, one of the primary qualifications for a caregiver is the complete inability to spell the most basic words in the English language. Let me tell you how many “salids” I made tonight :rolleyes: And she wasn’t even one of the Hispanic ladies for whom English is a second language. Now, I’ll cut the ESL ladies a bit of slack when it comes to spelling, as long as I can figure out what they mean. But one in particular … if I have to see another meal ticket asking for “Frensh Toast” …
After ranting here I actually used the feedback form to ask for a way to report comments to the editors or at least a way to block people. (Putting your name on that is optional). It felt nice.
This morning when I went back they had removed all the comments. 
They haven’t had to do that since last month when people were complaining about the gays! (How dare we give them health insurance!)
Anyone have a job opening?
I would use that except I think there is only one other person that would get it.
Nah, it’s still good.
We received an email alert advising us of problems with the new portal they rolled out. I sent my boss, "you think you have portal problems . . .
He didn’t get it. Although that was a little obscure.
Then, filling out a form, thinking out loud he said, “name?”. Of course I had to reply:
He didn’t get it. I lent him the disc.
Not cool - not cool at all. You can’t even have five minutes of privacy?!?
I hate workplace bathrooms.
Yesterday, I ended up playing a game of “bathroom chicken.” I go to the ground floor of our building when I have to do certain… tasks, because there’s only one stall and I like the privacy. Now, the bathroom has two urinals, so it’s not like you get the room to yourself. There’s also mouthwash on the sink counters.
So, I’m in the stall and someone comes in. I’m not sure if I’m unique in this, but I prefer not to “work on any tasks” when someone else is present. It just grosses me out on either end. So, I’m sitting there, in absolute silence.
The guy proceeds to stand around for about 45 seconds and then proceeds to brush his teeth. More standing around. He then begins doing something with his shirt (I could see through the crack in the stall) that looked like he was unbuttoning and then buttoning it. More standing around. Then he proceeds to wash his hands.
Now, keep in mind, this entire time, I’m not making any noise - not a cough or a sigh.
After that? He goes to use the urinal. He obviously wants my real estate, but I am not going to give it up. After the urinal, he goes back to the sink and stands around some more. Finally, 14 minutes later (I noticed because I had my phone with me at the time), he washes his hands again and leaves. He had me “trapped” in the stall for a quarter of an hour.
Had he just walked out once he saw the stall was occupied, I would’ve completed my task and left it for him. It just struck me as very odd. I was half-tempted to say “I don’t plan on coming out any time soon”, but that would’ve made it seem more like the hostage situation that it already was.
If there were a few women talking about their business, I would stay very very quiet. I would make sure they were all gone before making sure the coast was clear, exiting the trap and leaving the bog before getting caught in the ladies.
In my former office, the two ends of the building were identical, in that when you came out of the lifts, the ladies was to the left, and the gents to the right. You had to go past six traps in the gents before you got to a cubicle area that had the urinals. So if you needed to go for a dump, you didn’t go past the urinals on the way.
Remember I mentioned the identical floor layout? All except the second floor bogs in the west wing, where the ladies was on the right and the gents on the left. Well I had an urgent and unexpected meeting that morning with the Great White Throne, and I wasn’t paying attention to the floor I was on, the end of the building, or whether the sign on the door was for ladies or the other one for men in kilts.
I had a business appointment today. Because this is a holiday week-end, and no-one wants to waste one minute of a holiday weekend, I put in for vacation time, confirmed vacation time with my supervisor, and informed everyone on any project I am working on that I would not be available.
Then, like an idiot, I left my email on. I got an emergency project dumped on me.
I think they must want me to leave. “We know we’re asking a lot, but we really need you on this …” means “We’re asking a lot because we want to maximize our profit on your life’s blood before we kick your empty husk to curb”, right?
“I owe you one”. No, you owe my nothing because you can never compensate me for the shame I feel for not walking out the door with my fish and my pride.
IT’S ON, BITCHES!
So we’re going through a major software change at work right now, the sort of change that bring down the entire department if it fucks up. My responsibility is admin and support of the current software package, and will transition to being the same in the new software. My current priority is data migration and validation. I’m one of the people whose responsibility is making sure the data got from the old software to the new software and any errors are corrected. We have stated our current policy is only to validate the current data, no changes to the data unrelated to the migration process will be done at this time.
Well, everyone and their dog wants access to change the data right now, and the problem is, since my team is the fucking literal douchebag of this department, we can’t say no to anyone. We try to enforce the policy and people threaten to go to the department director. **Yes, they threaten to go to Daddy because we aren’t giving them all our toys. **
That particular one was thrown out while I was out of the office so someone else granted the request. If that shit gets pulled on me? I’ll tell them they’re free to go to the director, and my response will be: I cannot take responsibility for data I do not have control over. Fuck, I’ll give everyone and their ass-gerbil permissions to edit the data, as long as I’m no longer responsible for the validity of it!
This whole project has been a shitshow. I like to say they keep on shitting on us without flushing the toilet first…I NEED A PLUMBER.
It sounds like they want to change data without an audit trail or going through the change control process. That can’t be right.
Oh, in a business environment, you’d be right! Unfortunately, there’s like 3 of us fighting against the horde of non-business people and management won’t grow some balls and let us tell them they can’t fuck with the data.
Seriously, there’s a handful of us that have been meticulously planning for months and following project management and business processes and it all looked perfect…then non-business users got into the mix and made us their bitches.
And then they’re going to bitch and complain and point fingers at YOUR department because there are so many flaws in the data. I think we all see that particular dynamic playing out, unfortunately.
My Annoying Coworker is for some reason getting involved in things that are not in her area. Actually, they are in my area, which means that I have to work with her on something that she should not be involved in at all. Yay!! :rolleyes: We had one (small) project to do last week, and she kept bugging me ALL WEEK about when it was going to be done. I’ll tell you when it will be done–it will be done when I’m finished working on all of the high-priority projects that need to be done right away (like yesterday). Also I had to talk to other people to figure out exactly what needs to be done, and I have a bad feeling that what they want to do is going to end in a disaster (in a couple of different ways), but I’ve done everything I could to prevent it. Not my fault. I tried, I really did.
Also one of my other coworkers is mad at me. She’s not in my department and I don’t have to work directly with her, but I’m getting tired of people butting into things that they shouldn’t be doing. The end result is it makes things more difficult for me and I hate having to deal with problems that shouldn’t have even happened in the first place. I’d like to think it’s over, but it’s probably not really over, and I’m so glad tomorrow is a holiday, because I really can’t deal with these people any more. 
Problem child co-worker called in today-- couldn’t get a sitter.
The member of management who told me this wasn’t sure she believed that co-worker couldn’t get a sitter.
We agreed that it can be challenging to find sitters on holidays, etc., but that the needs of the business matter, too.
Last time co-worker didn’t show? Day before Easter.