Yes, I know it’s McDonald’s, but we don’t give you extra points for complaining.
No, I will not be threatened, brow beaten, or whined at, to get what you want.
No, I don’t believe you’re a Secret Shopper. They are polite, understanding, nd never tell us who they are. If a shopper gets bad service or has an issue with a crew member they note it on the report.
No, I Do Not have the phone number for Every McDonald’s in the county handy. Swearing at me, does not make it magically appear. If you have a complaint, call the 1-800, number. *f you’re inquiring about a job, you really need to have the correct number. [/I
Sorry, hit the send key.
If you’re calling off, you really should call the correct number.
See, THERE’S your problem! You’re supposed to hire PEOPLE not PROBLEMS. 
Simple typo or Freudian slip? You be the judge!
May I play, please?
Dear Employee,
Showing up is at least 25% of the job. You were told when hired that it was critical to be here on Tuesdays and Fridays. So why did you call in sick last Friday.
A bit of background.
We own a small pastured poultry (chicken) farm. There’s only my husband, myself and one employee to feed move and water about 2,400 birds.
It’s not that difficult-nothing that I can’t do by myself if need be. It does take time and it is labor intensive. As we also process birds onsite on the aforementioned days, if you can’t come to work, we end up putting in a 16-18 hour day. And that really pisses me off.
It’s not that we don’t pay well for what is basically unskilled labor. It’s hard dirty work and it does require some attention to detail (chickens die if you don’t water them, chicks die if you don’t keep the bedding very clean) but heh, it’s not rocket science either and we start you off at $12.00 an hour .When we’re attending the farmers market regularily and we’ve had a good month, I got no problem peeling off a $50 .00 or $100.00 bill as a cash bonus. Both the husband and I are very polite and say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘good job’ when warranted. Your breaks aren’t monitored and as long as you complete the tasks in a timely fashion, I don’t care if you smoke or natter away on the phone. I just need you to do the fucking job.
I try to be as flexible as possible too. Need to come in late because you have to meet with your probation officer once a month? I’ll deal! Have to leave early to attend drug rehab classes every Wednesday? We’ll make it work!
I’ll even give you free chickens and eggs and fresh organic veggies that I trade for at market.
However, when you drunk dial me late Thursday night to babble about how much you love us and the job and how grateful you are to have found permanent work and then you call in sick on Friday morning-I’m going to be very suspicious about you having a case of the 24 hour flu.
One more time and you’re so fired because I really hate bagging and weighing chickens at 9 pm when my day’s started at 4:30 am.
And like the others that have come before you, when you call me incessantly for the next two weeks and plead for your job back, it ain’t going to happen.
To the chair of my department: Yes I mistyped the course number on the revised abet syllabus. I left the old number in and didn’t change the 5 to a 1. You succinctly pointed this out to me and sent the entire syllabus back to me for correction. Would it have really hurt you to delete the 5 and type in a 1 in the 5’s place? But no, it’s way better for you to instruct me to delete the 5 and type in the 1 and resubmit it. Time management is your friend.
Our building used to be occupied only by us. After much downsizing, there was a lot of empty building. The building is owned by the parent corporation so they started renting out the empty parts, and now we are just another tenant among many. This came home to roost today.
The building has a pretty good public address system, which was installed to give directions during emergencies (or test emergencies like fire drills) on evacuating or taking cover or whatever is appropriate behavior. Recently, this use has expanded to include announcements about blood drives. Annoying, but at least in a good cause.
Today, however, the other shoe dropped. I was in a meeting, conducting a training on some new software. Suddenly, the PA system coughs to life and we are treated to a 3-minute commercial for something that one of the other tenants is doing. There is no way to turn the thing off, and it’s LOUD, so all we could do was stop the meeting and listen.
My guess: that company paid some amount of money to the building (and its owner) for this privilege, so now, working in our building is going to be like watching network TV, interrupted every so often by commercials. Only we don’t have Tivo or a mute button. Talk about a captive audience! I only hope that corporate is getting lots of revenue from this, which they are contributing to my pension fund, because this is the single most stupid act I have ever seen them commit. And that’s saying something.
Roddy
We changed the cover sheet for those TPS reports - did you need me to email that to you again? Heck, I’ll just do it - don’t want you using the wrong cover sheet for your TPS reports.
Dear boss
I am on vacation, which was planned a month ago when I got put in a use it or lose it situation by HR. You approved my vacation, you knew when I was leaving and when I am supposed to be back. I’m 2 states and 2 time zones away now. I can’t access the inventory program.
You knew my plans. I left my desk clean and gave you lists of boxes that needed to be picked up or pulled. Why oh why did you start calling me at what is now 6 am my time to ask about things? Why did you keep leaving frantic messages every 20 minutes, getting more hysterical with each one. They are boxes full of paper. Nobody is going to die if they don’t get moved on a timely basis. I took the time to write the time and dates for each pull/pick up list on the top in red ink.
Is it just because you are finally dealing with SG face to face? I know you aren’t as stupid as your calls make you out to be. I’m sorry you were offended that I took it to email. I AM ON VACATION and I don’t feel obligated to carry my cell now.
PS Tell SG that my frozen lunches won’t spoil during the next 2 weeks. They are frozen!
Why, oh, why, do bosses seem to think that their employees should be available 24x7x52?
Turn the phone OFF. Set your email to auto-respond that you are out of the office on vacation and unavailable until <date>. Anyone with questions needs to talk to your boss.
Are you sure those meals will still be there when you get back? Does your boss know you left them there and expect them there when you return?
Now that SG has you out of the way, he’s running things to suit himself. The GOOD news is that you aren’t there to blame. The BAD news is that you’re not there to watch the fireworks.
I doubt that your frozen lunches will still be there, you should have taken them home for your vacation, but if SG finally gets fired, wouldn’t it be worth losing a few lunches?
I don’t know what the boxes are, but I bet you anything SG shreds them.
Unless he’s meant to, in which case he’ll accidentally put them in the freezer and shred your lunches instead.
Dear employees: please retire the excuse “I can’t come in because my car broke down in (insert location far enough away that it would be inconvenient for someone to pick them up).” Really, that excuse is older than dirt.
Also, texting a fellow employee and telling them to inform me that you won’t be in is not acceptable. You need to call me directly and tell me yourself. Not that I’ll believe your pathetic excuse, but whatever.
This reminds me of an older lady, a former next-door neighbor. After not seeing my baby for a couple months, she spotted me in the back yard. I walked over to show her the baby and she said, “let me pinch her and make her cry!” Direct quote. What the fuck. She wasn’t demented and she was laughing when she said it, like it was a cute remark.
Dear boss:
My promotion (and raise) was in effect May 2. Why did I have to come to you and ask why I did not see a pay increase on my last check? Couldn’t you have given my a head’s up? Why do you never come forward with important information, and just wait until one of us has to ask you?
Company:
What the hell kind of hush-hush “legal difficulty” could there possibly be in my change of status? That you are not allowed to discuss with the employee? WTF?
The only good news is that my raise will be retroactive back to May 2, when the situation finally gets resolved.
Dear co-workers,
Do not email me over the motherfucking weekend and expect any kind of reply before the next working day. I don’t have a blackberry, I don’t have VPN access and I will never be getting either.
(or basically what flatlined just said, I guess)
I check my emails all the time, and they wouldn’t be getting a reply from me, either. I’m not on the clock, people.
The A/C has been out in our building since at least last Thursday. (I suspect it was already crapping out on Wednesday, to be honest.) The nearby road had to be closed over the weekend so they could crane in not one but two brand-new compressors onto the roof.
It’s STILL HOT. No a/c at all. In Texas. (It’s already in the 90s and humid as all fuck.) For every employee breathing out warm air, there’s a computer generating its own heat. I’m glued to my little fan** like a menopausal woman having constant hot flashes.****
** One of the nicer things grandboss has done for our team was buy the entire office fans the, ahem, last time the A/C went kaput in our building.
**** You bitches have my sympathy now.
Bleah. The ambient air temperature can only be described as “nursing home.” It’s like … dog breath in here. I think I’m gonna have ice cream for lunch. Who’s with me?
You used to live next door to ZPGZealot?
Phone has to be on because of cat stuff, but I can look at the caller ID and choose which calls to take. All work numbers go to voice mail. I don’t care about the food, I do mind that SG guy is such a fuck up that he is trying to find an excuseto steal my frozen dinners because he “thinks” they will spoil in 2 weeks.
I’m now in Texas, pretty close to Purplehorseshoe, and I can sympathy so much withher feelings. I used to sneer at peope who said “but its a dry heat” (actually, when it was over 100 degrees, I was willing to offer up physical damage, but now that I’m in Houston..I will live with my dry heat and use lots of lotion.