Worldwide shortage of sexy teenage girl-exorcists

[blindboyard]

So… had to be in America, I suppose.

Never thought I’d read the Daily Mail complaining about a “worldwide exorcist shortage”. And the Church of England, in which half the priests don’t even believe in the holy ghost, complaining about an upsurge in demonic possession.

Trust the Mail to find the news story with the jailbait exorcists in it.

Those friends include trainee undergraduate exorcists, Melanie Massih, 16, her sister Christina, 15, also students at Rev Larson’s exorcist school.

They may love hanging out like normal teenagers, but they don’t watch TV like the rest of us.

‘I think Harry Potter and Twilight are instigators of evil,’ Savannah says. ‘They nullify morality and just serve to hook people in with evil.

I agree completely. Anyone who watches Twilight, something wrong with them. Just didn’t expect to hear it from a teenage girl.

Tess practices reading from the list of curses. ‘Death,’ she says, ominously, raising an eyebrow to the room. ‘Cancer.’ She pauses, dramatically. ‘Murder.’

It is normally after she says ‘murder’, that all hell breaks loose, she says. ‘Many belch on hearing the words, or start weeping,’ she whispers.

‘One woman collapsed and started convulsing, while another man started choking once. I remember I felt excited the first time. “This is it,” I thought to myself.’

She regains her composure, tosses her beautiful bangs from her face and finishes the reading: ‘I break off that curse of murder. Be gone.’

So, anyone want to fight satan?

[tdn]

One woman collapsed and started convulsing, while another man started choking once.

Me, I giggled like a sch… Nevermind.

[mcgato]

The caption on that picture is

Savannah Shurkenback, 19, left, and Brynne Larson, 16, are two teenage exorcists who fight demons, curses and evil spells

which could be followed by "Thursdays on Fox!’

[Toucanna]

The sixth paragraph in the article referenced in the OP says, “The Vatican’s chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth, 85, has revealed that he alone has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession.” The inclusion of this paragraph implies Amorth was consulted on the subject of the teenxorcists.

Mmmmmkay…who is this Amorth and what qualifies him to speak on the subject? To the Google page! Which led, inevitably, to the Wikipedia entry. Now, before we go there, a little exposition. Right before I opened this thread, I was reading the thread about the “homeopathy” clinic next door to that OP’s work place. Reference was made to the Wikipedia entry for “homeopathy” and how critical of homeopathy the tone of the article was. Good on ya, Wikipedia! I said.

Then I read this thread, which led to the Wikipedia entry for Gabriele_Amorth. ::emoticon for shaking head in disappointment and in disbelief::

Anyway, back the article referenced in the OP: I doubt the Mail consulted Gabriele Amorth about the teenxorcists. They just pulled an alarmist quote from one of his books. What a shocker, huh?

[Philster]

Reality show – matter of time.

[YogSothoth]

I’ve heard that some of these exorcisms involve the “laying of hands” on a person’s body. I just want to tell that girl on the right with the greenish shirt to prepare for a lot of exorcism requests!

[ZipperJJ]

Holy shit I just looked at that group photo and thought “no way, this is just a setup for a movie.”

Those girls all look like perfectly-placed actors.

[RickJay]

IT’s funny, sort of, until you have a look at their website, and it doesn’t take a real long time to tell what’s going on.

1. “Spiritual Freedom Churches International” is not a church, or churches, it’s a front for Bob Larson.

2. Larson is, quite obviously, a con man and a charismatic opportunist.

3. So here we have a middle aged con man recruiting attractive teenaged girls.

I mean, I don’t KNOW that Bob Larson is sexually exploiting one or more of these girls, but I know where the smart money is.

[Miller]

I like the bit were he says he’s sent exorcism teams to “countries like Africa.”

[kanicbird]

@YogSosoth

I’ve heard that some of these exorcisms involve the “laying of hands” on a person’s body. I just want to tell that girl on the right with the greenish shirt to prepare for a lot of exorcism requests!

Typically not, laying on of hands is more for curing illnesses, so many may be disappointed.

[Manduck]

Okay, what if I lay hands on them instead? It’s not me, it’s the demons making me do it!

[Kent_Clark]

But there’s no script, insists Tess. ‘With my friend, she was getting a reaction from the curse-breaking. “You have to leave,” I said to the demon, and weirdly, she nodded. It was the demon moving her body.’

“You have to leave”? Man, exorcisms have really gone downhill!

[XRaeth]

from the Wikipedia page

“Any such person must be…profoundly humble and treasure obscurity.”

From the article.

“The Vatican’s chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth, 85, has revealed that he alone has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession.”

[DocCathode]

When you have demonic possession, the demon has what we call a legal right to possess your body.

Well, possession is nine tenths of the law.

[Raguleader]

@mcgato

The caption on that picture is which could be followed by "Thursdays on Fox!’

It’ll get cancelled in a season or less.

[wolfman]

@kunilou

“You have to leave”? Man, exorcisms have really gone downhill!

Satan, Demon from hell, bringer of all that is evil, and spawn of the abyss, I giveth thee a time-out.

[PlainJain]

@wolfman

Satan, Demon from hell, bringer of all that is evil, and spawn of the abyss, I giveth thee a time-out.

Sayeth the wolfman.

[detop]

@XRaeth

<snip> “The Vatican’s chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth, 85, has revealed that he alone has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession.”

Did anybody do the math for these numbers ? I did, It comes to 823.53 exorcisms A YEAR :eek: and that’s starting a age 0. How did he find time to do anything (eat, sleep, study) else ? Or is this just another case of " 66 % of all stats are pulled out of one’s ass" ?

[PlainJain]

@detop

Did anybody do the math for these numbers ? I did, It comes to 823.53 exorcisms A YEAR :eek: and that’s starting a age 0. How did he find time to do anything (eat, sleep, study) else ? Or is this just another case of " 66 % of all stats are pulled out of one’s ass" ?

If he started when he was 20, that’s 3 a day!
.

[Raguleader]

Depends on how long an exorcism typically takes, of course. Does it take 20 minutes including setup? He could easily knock out quite a few in a day, with proper scheduling. Maybe he can handle them in groups on occasion?

Mind you, I know nothing about exorcisms, so I have no idea how long they’re expected to take, assuming it’s not entirely case-by-case.