And that’s how they get you!
Pasta Express. Bought on an impulse and then felt stupid about it later. Why would I boil water in one container just to add to another container? And… it never worked. Once the water goes from boiling to not the pasta just does not cook.
I got a couple for Christmas, I use them as sleep bras when Fred, Ethyl and Ricky act up [yes, I did name my breast cysts, doesn’t everyone? Still waiting to get a second one on the right side so I can name it Lucy :p]
There are legit ones. They don’t necessarily replace a knife; they replace a food processor for coarse and mince chopping work. (A food processor doesn’t necessarily replace a knife either, since you can get good chop or mince out of the skilled use of a knife; but not every one is so skilled, and it takes more effort to corral what you’re chopping by hand than having it constrained by the chopper.)
Example of a decent food chopper.
The “Rollie” is the perfect solution to a problem no one has ever had.
My 88-year-old mother-in-law had a stroke last year and was very thankful when we got her one.
I got a Perfect Pancake for Christmas once. Which is like two regular cheapo teflon pans hinged together in a clamshell fashion.
“As easy as turning a door knob!” the commercial said. It was not.
I have no problem making pancakes the old fashioned way, on a regular flat pan. But this clamshell thing was a complete pain. The biggest problem was that the two sides didn’t touch. And the teflon was very slick. So no matter how quickly you flipped the pan from one side to the other, the half cooked pancake would just slide out the side and onto the stove. I didn’t even get to test how the cold side would perform once you flipped the clamshell over because the pancake never ended up there.
Has anybody ever tried to use a Flowbee (and lived to tell the tale)? I dunno, but something about ‘stick my hair down the vacuum cleaner’ doesn’t sit right with me… But then again, maybe it’s awesome!
And does anybody else think that ShamWow-guy looks like a leprechaun?
I don’t know that I’d call it useless. If I want to pulverize a crabapple it sounds like the ideal tool for the job.
I can’t help but think back to when I worked in fast food in college. We had a large chopper we used to prep iceberg lettuce for the salad bar. It was about 1.5 feet square with sharp, serrated blades on both sides arranged in a criss-cross arrangement. You placed a half-head of lettuce on the bottom half, slam the top half down and neat lettuce squares fell out the bottom. I never saw it happen but that thing was so sharp you could easily dice your whole hand with one whack. (We only got the occasional finger prick from the serration points when placing the lettuce inside.)
I bought a box of Shamwows at Costco once. They seem to work better at picking up spilled liquids than towels - almost like a “handleless mop.”
I bought a Miracle Thaw once; I tried it once, and never used it again.
Whatever happened to the device where you could “instantly” turn a potato into (somewhat thick, which is how I like them) French fries? I keep looking for it in places like the “As Seen On TV” store at my local mall, but nobody seems to make it any more.
A friend has used one for years. Basic hair guy. Results are just like those old charts that show an exploded head of hair to cut. He uses cheap clipprrs for around the ears.
Funny thing is, for my circle of friends, he’s the richest one. Cheap haircut looks are fine with him.
That thing was a bitch to clean too. It was actually easier to just use a knife and cutting board.
I bought a “Total Gym 2000” back in the day but it was useless because I’m not heavy enough.
In looking up the Rollie to see what it was, I came across the ThermaLash Heated Eyelash Curler. :eek: indeed.
this site has many of the videos 
https://www.asseenontvvideo.com/512856/ThermaLash-Heated-Eyelash-Curler.html
I thought they were a joke first time I saw them also but the wife says they use them at the assisted living place she works at. Night staff takes a few minutes to set them up as they have time available and the old folks can put their feet in on their own. Faster than having a staff member do it for those that are able.
A lot of them seem completely pointless to me, but this one always struck me as the stupidest:
Eggies – because hard boiling eggs in their own shell is just… too… hard.
My parents had one of those ear wax vacuum things. (Love the Oscar performance of this dude who can’t use a Q-Tip without perforating his ear drum). So I decided to try it, and it was horrendous. The fact that it didn’t work at all came a far second place to the fact that it sounded like a dentist’s drill that you were shoving into your ear.
In their defense, they also had this dish sponge thing that looked like a smiley face that was so kick-ass that I immediately bought 20 of them when I got back home.
Our local news does a segment called “Does It Really Do That”? where they review these products. When they tried the Slap-Chop, the blades broke and left little pieces in whatever they cutting.
Oh dear god, a “chocolate milk mixer”? Who the fuck can’t mix a glass of chocolate milk? Some of this shit is so fucking stupid if you need these gadgets, you shouldn’t be allowed to perform these tasks in the first place.
I can see the need for some people, but wouldn’t those ruin your socks? I would imagine that stretching them over the plastic would eventually tear holes in them.
Oh hey, check it out – instant black face!!!
I stand corrected. 
“Who’s going to buy a crabapple pulverizer?!”
“That’s the marketing department’s problem!”