I was walking around the Friendship Heights area in D.C. the other day and I saw you, beggar. Usually, Friendship Heights is beggar free, which is what I like about it, as opposed to Georgetown where they all convene. But then you had to move in, and the fact that a beggar is where there was once none is bad enought but you have to be the WORST BEGGAR EVER!! Instead of just sitting on a curb or standing next to a wall and holding or displaying a cup for change, you stand in the middle of the sidewalk and thrust your hand out at passersby. You does it in a presenting way that looks like you’re passing out flyers until we notice that your hand is empty. There are so many things wrong with this. People don’t even know what you’re doing, as I stated before, it looked like you were passing out flyers or was gesturing towards something. Please, take a hint from the Georgetown beggars, they’ve got the system down pat. First, you can’t annoy people further than the fact that you’re begging them for money, and standing in the middle of a crowded sidewalk while periodically thrusting you hand out in front of people without warning is nerve-wracking. Second of all, people don’t want to touch your hand. It’s not that I think you’re extemely dirty, it’s just that the way you have hand completely outstreched instead of cupping it would force someone to carress your hand just to ensure that the money makes it to your palm, and most people won’t go through all that. Get a cup and stand to the side, that way, people will be able to see you in advance, dig in their pockets, and have the money ready to drop in your cup and be on the way. If you can’t afford a cup, use the hat I see you wearing. Third, make a sign to play on people’s sympathies. A simple “Homeless, God Bless”, does so much even to me, the athiest. When I pass by people with those signs, I feel guilty for not giving them change (not too guilty though, since I’m but an unemployed college student), but when I pass by you…well ever since I encountered you the first time, I’ve made it a point to cross the street every time I see you. You’ve got to be completely worthless if you can’t even do the last resort job of begging right.
Incompetent beggars? Does no one care about their jobs anymore? Sheesh.
See! I knew this would happen if we let them start a union! I told you! Now nothing but incompotent lazy beggars!
No, mate, the worst beggar ever is the nice-looking but definitely homeless guy who approached me while I was using the Automatic teller in Oxford Street Sydney, and who asked me for money, and who, when I gave him a dollar from my pocket, said “aw, I can’t do anything with a dollar” and I was so stunned I gave him another!!
He’s the worst beg- no - wait a minute…
Sorry, he’s the BEST beggar ever. It’s just that I’m the worst beggaree.
I still don’t believe that I actually gave him more. Don’t bother feeding me the shoulda said lines - I know them all!
Redbossed
Oh, I don’t know about that. I got taken by the “Please, I’ve got a job interview in another town and I just need two more dollars for a bus ticket” schtick three or four times before I got wise. What can I say, I was an innocent suburban kid. Or a moron.
The best beggar I’ve ever seen: A guy in NYC who had fashioned a “camera” out of discarded Evian bottles and treated a group of us like runway models. “Oh, you’re beautiful! Just like the Brady Bunch! Greg! Cindy!” Then he squeezed the end of one of the bottles and offered to sell us our picture for a couple of bucks.
Redboss, I think I’ve got you beat. This didn’t happen to me but to someone I know: a homeless man approached her and asked if she had any spare change and she said sorry, she didn’t have any cash on her - just an ATM card. So the guy asked her, “Well, how about buying me a lottery ticket then?” And she went and did it - and it cost her a dollar to use the debit card. Then I find out that she gives this guy a dollar or two every day, all the while complaining daily about how she and her husband are so poor they can barely afford electricity. I lost all sympathy for her right there.
In downtown Charleston, we don’t have too many beggars. But the only one that sticks in my mind has scarred me for life.
A bunch of us kids were hanging out in the open-air market, sitting on tables and talking. Homeless Man walks up and starts asking people something. I couldn’t hear what he said at first, but he made a point to walk around to every single person and ask them. Then he got to me.
His entire package was hanging out of the zipper of his pants.
He asked me, “Do you have a can opener?”
I couldn’t help but laugh and say, “man, I think you’ve got a more important problem than just needing a can opener.” Needless to say, this was not an effective way for him to get what he wanted. I saw him in the gas station using their can opener about an hour later.
It still makes me laugh that he thought waggling his nasty, crusty parts at us was going to get him a can opener.
No, the worst beggar ever was the one who was asking my friend for money when he was interrupted…
…by his mobile phone ringing!
Worst beggar I ever saw was here in Dallas, Mockingbird Lane and I35:
Guy is a wheelchair, sign in hand said quote “I just need a hand”…
He was in a wheelchair because he was missing a foot. Unfortunately, I am not making this up. Do not know if he realizes the sick irony. I do know that a month or two later, I sat next to him at IHOP, he was eating maybe $15 worth of food in one meal. Guess he had a good day.
You know, I sometimes make extra lunches and carry them with me when I walk downtown to give to the homeless. I keep an eye out for them when I have a lunch sack with me, so I probably look more welcoming than the average pedestrian. Sure enough, a few weeks ago this guy–one I haven’t seen around before–sees me and comes right over. Before I can ask if he’s hungry, he asks if I’ll do him a favor. Will I take his money and go in to the convenience store and buy him some vodka? (The stores won’t sell to anyone who seems inebriated). I told him no, I wouldn’t do something like that. However, I did have a lunch right here, including a drink, that he could have if he was hungry.
He turned me down and stalked off.
It really pissed me off, I hate to say. I mean, I know he’s not obligated to accept the charity I offer, but it still galled me.
Hey Cranky, is Shaky Jake still around? I used to give him money nearly every time I saw him. But then, he always had his guitar case open, and he’d actually play for you if you stopped, whether you gave him money or not. I liked him.
Here in Flint, I get hit on by beggars surprisingly little. And when I do, they’re not usually asking for money. More often than not, they just want to bum a cigarette. Since I smoke, that’s not usually a problem. I always get a thank you, and most times I get a “God Bless.” Kinda strange, actually. You’d think I’d get asked for money more often in this town.
We have this fat lady that just sits on the ground and says in a really annoying whiny voice (worse than The Nanny), “Spare some change?”. Man, at least stand up and ask nicely. And wait until you burn off some of that winter insulation.
At least here in Chicago, the homeless folks have hit on performance art as a means to get cash – a lot of them play the drums on 5-gallon plastic pails.
My particular favorite is the guy that always hangs out on the Madison Avenue bridge. He does the same drum riff all the time, and just varies the words to suit the season.
BA-BADA-BA-BADA-BA-BADA-BA-BADA-BA!
“Merry Christmas!”
or…
BA-BADA-BA-BADA-BA-BADA-BA-BADA-BA!
“Valentine!”
He absolutely slayed me one day, when I was walking to the train and heard him drumming away and singing, “You and me, baby, ain’t nuthin’ but mammals…”
The first time I’ve ever stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk because I was laughing so hard. I had to give him five bucks for that – he deserved it. 
Yup. Shakey Jake is still around. The guy has his own merchandise–he’ll sell you a cassette and I think he might even be selling bumper stickers that read “I break for Jake.”
I offered him a lunch one day and I think it insulted him. He asked to hear what sort of sandwich was in it before he’d deign to take it. LOL
Redboss: I loved your story… sounded like something I would do.
I just had to say, this has me laughing so hard…it’s been like 5 minutes now, and I’m STILL laughing! It could be that it’s 7:30 am, and I haven’t gone to bed yet, but I don’t think so…that’s some funny shit man!
The other day I went out to Chinatown to meet a friend. We decided that we would meet just outside of the metro. I get there early and wait. Shortly thereafter a “homeless woman” shows up. This is during the evening rush hour. Anyway, I decide to keep track of what she is doing since I have nothing better to do. She just says, “spare some change” and holds up some pathetic sign that says something wittily playing on the average person’s sympathy (/sarcasm). Anyway, in the five minutes it took for my friend to show up, I witnessed her receive dollars (I don’t know if they were ones, fives, tens, twenties or what) from ten people. So on the low end she just made 10 dollars in 5 minutes. Hell, if she could do that during morning and evening rush hour (roughly about 6 hours a day here) she would be making about 720 dollars a day. That is about $185k a year tax free at a 30/hr a week job. I know the assumption that she made that much money consistently isn’t a good one but in a high tourist area it seems possible. I have no sympathy for beggars and little for people that give money to them. I sympathize with some homeless people.
Cranky has the right idea. You are a good person. I would rather be mean. >8D Mwuhahahaha.
HUGS!
Sqrl
Whenever I get the “need bus fare for the hospital/family/whatever” line I hand 'em two bus tokens. For some strange reason, this is not appreciated.
I have one that still makes me laugh ten years later. I lived in DC and worked at an agency for the homeless, and often walked downtown down North Capitol. The guys on the street always have something to say which didn’t bother me too much; I just kept steadily walking. I knew there were plenty of services out there so I had a policy not to give out money.
Homeless man: Hey, baby, can I ask you a question?
Me: Not if it has to do with money.
HM: No, no. WIll you make love with me?
Me: No!!
HM: Why not, I don’t have AIDS.
Me: No, I don’t think so.
HM: OK, well then do you have a quarter?
(it’s all relative, I guess 
)
Another in the “galled” category:
My friend was on the train in NYC and a woman asked if anyone had any food. Someone gave her a peach and she says, :“Anyone got any real breakfast food?”
I usually run to people asking for money in front of fast food places, so I just offer to buy some food for them. Incredible how many say no.
On the other hand, here in S.F. there are so many people asking for money on the streets its almost routine to run into someone panhandling. You sort of get used to it and become less sensitive. I just salute of I don’t have anything for 'em.
For the longest time I’ve seen the same man on the same corner of Bush and Montgomery. I helped him out a few times with a buck or a bagel (he’s right outside a bagel shop), but after a while you start thinking do some people plan on doing this their whole lives? Where is his SSI and Section 8? What happened to getting yourself out of the situation?