Second place would be Eddie Murphy, caught with TV prostitute- “I was giving him/her a lecture on why being out on the street was bad”- can’t find exact quote.
First place would definitely be Michael Irvin, caught with drug pipe in car- brother had pipe at house, Irvin took pipe to keep kids from seeing it. Instead of hiding it somewhere in his huge house, he chose to hide it in his car of all places. Why not wrap it up in old newspaper and put it in the GARBAGE CAN?? Would that not have made more sense? Very hard to believe ESPN apparently bought this.
What would top even this would be the politician from maybe the 60’s who said that being tired, hungry and overworked caused his mind to wander or something and thus seek out a gay tryst, but I can’t recall his name or specifics…
Does anyone else have any I am missing? Granted any of the above could be TRUE- often crazy excuses for something are indeed true.
Gillian Taylforth, minor soap actress, was caught blowing some guy in a Range Rover. Her excuse for his trousers being round his knees was that he was suffering an attack of acute pancreatitis, and she was rubbing his abdomen to relieve the pain. This added “a Taylforth” and “administering acute pancreatitis relief” to Private Eye’s list of euphemisms for a good few years. 
“I had that kiddie porn on my computer for research purposes.”
Kevin Spacey had a pretty unbelievable excuse when he got rolled by a trick. I forget all the details, but as I recall, it was pretty unbelievable to folks around here.
I see McNew has pre-empted me on Mr Townshend’s proclivities. 
How about Ron Davies’ “moment of madness”?
Is the general concensus that he lied about that? I thought he was totally believable. I think the law believed him, too.
That was referring to the Townshend portion of that post. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.
Charles Robb - when he said all Tai Collins was doing in that hotel room with him was giving him a massage (of course he didn’t say what part of her was massaging what part of him, so …) .
“What is ‘truth?’ Hey, I gotta go wash my hands…”
Is this Pontius Pilate, or George Costanza after his mother catches him and says “Oh, my gawd, is it true what my eyes are telling me you’re doing?”
“What can I say? I’m a night owl”
If the President does it, it is not a crime.
“The Devil made me do it.”
He was acquitted. He didn’t have any porn on his machine, just a subscription to a porn site (which he paid for with his own credit card - bloody fool). As far as the “general consensus” goes - to quote from Monkey Dust…
“Town’s End? King? Glitter? Those are all PAEDOPHILES! Except the first, for legal reasons.” 
The twinkie defense - junk food made me do it!
Ripped from todays headlines: White House aide Claude Allen’s “evil twin” defense.