There was a bad power ballad in the late 80s, early 90s which contained the clunker “Her clothes are hanging on the floor.”
If they’re on the floor, they’re not hanging, dipshit.
Who can forget this delightful cry for partner abuse?
“De do do doo. De da da da. Is all I want to say to you!” The Police
Go on, tell me I’m taking them out of context, but it’s still crap writing! 
I used to listen to a ton of industrial and EBM. A lot of EBM is by northern European bands that dish out barbarian beats yet have a limited grasp of the English language. Or good taste.
This gem is from Funker Vogt:
*I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you*
Hoobestank—your song is rank.
**Send Me an Angel **
. . . . . . . . . . . .
If a girl walks in
and carves her name
in my heart
I’ll turn and run away.
Everyday we’ve all
been led astray
it’s hard to be lucky in love.
It gets in your eyes
it’s making you cry
Don’t know what to do
don’t know what to do.
You’re looking for
love calling heaven
above.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Empty dreams can
only disappoint in
a room behind your
smile.
. . . *ad *literally nauseum
Don’t hate me.
-Jibbs, Chain Hang Low
Yeah. The intro and chorus of this song has a group of young kids rapping to the tune of “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” The thing has a mistrel show quality (although I use that last word advisedly).
Billy Joel: The Piano Man.
ETA: Like there’s some kind of affliction with being a career naval employee???
Paul McCartney: His entire solo catalogue.
We’re an American band
repeat
We’re coming to your town
We’ll help you party down
We’re an American band
HERETIC!!!
Although Live and Let Die is rather pointless.
Well, and Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey…
The winner and runner-up, all in one post. No others need apply.
Although I do not recall Neil Diamond stating that Peter Noone was in the room.
I started another thread about the best future songs, and this is the opposite, the worst future song ever.
Silverchair “Anthem for The Year 2000”
You will be if I ever get close to you. And the music’s as bad as the lyrics.
BTW, photopat. How brilliant. Copyright rules don’t apply if you put the lyrics in spoiler boxes! WTF?
I heard this song in the store the other day. It went on and on. I don’t know who the artist is (I get two different artists when I Google it, and I’m not going to Napster it or anything because I don’t want to hear it again). The version I heard seemed to be some late 90s husky-voiced nouveau-Bryan-Adams-pop-emo band.
It’s called “How Do You Talk To An Angel?”
Tell me, tell me, the words to define
the way I feel about someone so fine.
How do you talk to an angel?
How do you hold her close to where you are?
How do you talk to an angel?
It’s like trying to catch a falling star.
No, it’s like the worst 9th grade poetry I’ve ever heard. Lord, what a stupid song.
…And it don’t even gotta rhine… uh, RHYME.
Actually nearly anything by Paul Simon, lyrics-wise; 90% of his songs (as strong musically as they are) make ZERO sense to me.
As sappy as the song “Cherish” is, at least it’s coherent. Diabetes-inducing, but coherent.
Michael W. Smith’s “Gloria,” which I had the misfortune to hear on the radio one Christmas.
Not because of the lyrics, strictly speaking…as they aren’t original, they’re simply taken directly from “Angels We Have Heard on High.” A perfectly charming old carol.
It’s what’s done to the lyrics, and how they’ve been…corrupted; forced, much like an uncomprehending cargo cult into a musical travesty of the style Lovecraft would call “decadent.” It misuses the lyrics so badly it actually damages them.
Leffan must be going through a break up again. Tough times, chum.
You should listen to The Gothsicles’ song “English License”:
They’re a parody industrial band with heavy geek influences, and they nail the “German industrial band with lousy lyrics” phenomena quite nicely. 