Savage Garden’s Affirmation has to have the worst lyrics ever. I hope these lyrics were written by a robot whose first language wasn’t English. Either way they stink, they stink, they stink!
I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone
Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you*
Starting with “You don’t know” it has a good melody, but those have to be some of the clumsiest lyrics ever for a hit song. It sounds almost like one of those “English to Hungarian back into English” examples.
The worst? Easy. Because of the policies regarding lyrics I’ll spoiler these. And also because direct viewing without necessary protection can cause eyeball melting
Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp
Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong
Who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop
Who put the dip in the dip-de-dip-de-dip
Who was that man, I’d like to shake his hand
He made my baby fall in love with me (yeah!)
Although [spoiler]In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive
They may find
In the year 3535
Ain’t gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything you think, do, or say
Is in the pill you took today[/spoiler]
Now little lisa is only 9 years old
Shes tryin to figure out why the world is so cold
Why shes all all alone and they never met her family
Mamas always gone and she never met her daddy
Part of her is missin and nobody will listenin
Mama is on drugs gettin high up in the kitchen
Bringin home men at different hours of the night
Startin with laughs–usually endin in a fight
Sneak into her room while her mamas knocked out
Tryin to have his way and little lisa says ‘ouch’
She tries to resist but then all he does is beat her
Tries to tell her mom but her mama don’t believe her
We gotta start from the start, only time will tell if we stand the test of time. Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain. You know they are a liar.
If only because Napoleon didn’t surrender at Waterloo. Lost the battle, yes, but retreated in relatively good order and didn’t abdicate for another 4 days, and then in Paris.
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I’m only falling apart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Honestly - this post should just say “Total Eclipse of the Heart - the whole thing”.
But it’s pretty hard to top “Boom boom boom boom/I want you in my room/Lets spend the night together/from now until forever”
I also have to give a shout-out to “worst lyrics in an otherwise good song”:
“Beat boys, fly girls, throw your hands in the air/Oh yeah like you just don’t care”
I’m sory but I have NEVER seen anyone throw their hands in the air “like they just don’t care” and I bet you never did either. Stick their hands in their pockets and lean against the wall “like they just don’t care” - sure. Throwing their hands in the air is the bailliwick of people who DO care … about something, anyway.
I’ve yet to see anything that tops Des’ree’s Life in sheer lyrical badness:
*
I’m afraid of the dark
Especially when I’m in a park
[…]
I don’t want to see a ghost,
It’s the sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news.
*
Really, the best line in that song is ‘doo doot doot doo’.
Why can’t people see the evil that is “Rock-a-bye Baby”?
Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all
I am, I said,
To noone there,
And nobody heard me,
Not even the chair
Someone left the cake out in the rain,
And I don’t think I can TAKE it,
'Cause it took so long to MAKE it,
And I’ll never have that recipe again!
We’re this far into the thread without mentioning Rod Stewart?
For sheer burning stupid, there’s:
Don’t say a word my virgin child
Just let your inhibitions run wild
For how not to woo a woman, there’s:
You’re an essay in glamour, please pardon the grammar, but you’re every schoolboy’s dream
You’re Celtic United, but baby I’ve decided you’re the best team I’ve ever seen
And there have been many affairs, many times I felt to leave
But I bite my lip and turn around, 'cause you’re the warmest thing I ever found
And for a combination of “ewww” and “whaa”, there’s:
They wake at dawn ’cos all the birds are singing
Two total strangers but that ain’t what they’re thinking
Outside it’s cold, misty and it’s raining
They got each other neither one’s complaining
He says I’m sorry but I’m out of milk and coffee
Never mind sugar we can watch the early movie
