The Bells Of Saint Mary’s --starring Woody Allen, with Robin Willliams as Sister Benedict.
Oh, I don’t know. Following the theory that black folks can say “nigger” all they want, I’d make the director Spike Lee, cast a whole lot of bleeding-heart white liberals as the “heroic whites” and a bunch of bad-ass rappers as the “evil blacks”. Imagine Warran Beatty leading the Klan. That’d be sooooooo bad it’d be funny!
Or The Passion of the Christ- with Dame Edna as Mary. “Possum, if just have to behold somebody as my son, couldn’t it be that beefy Roman guard?”
The Passion of the Christ… starring Rip Taylor! They hammer him onto the cross and confetti starts pouring out of the wounds…
No need for a remake- how about making a sequel to Black Dog with the original cast (Patrick Swayze, Randy Travis, and Meatloaf).
Hollywood needs no help in this.
Premium example:
Get Carter starring Sylvester Stallone???
How about a series of remakes – maybe the Pink Panther films?
Inspector Clouseau = Steve Martin
Kato = Jean Reno
Dreyfus = Kevin Kline (which would be doubly objectionable for anyone who’d ever listened to his French accent in French Kiss)
This is one of the worst ideas I can think of, other than trying to do live-action versions of Dr. Seuss books or something … and it’s coming to a theatre near you in 2005.
Hollywood sucks.
Annie Hall starring Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
Is it worse than Peter Seller’s was?
I may be utterly alone in the universe for this opinion, but I was rather taken aback by how much this one didn’t suck. True, they candied up the ending, which was stupid, but I thought the rest of it was appropriately grim and brutal. Stallone, in particular, played an effective gangster. The fight scene in the elevator was excellent. It had the feel of a real fight…dirty, graceless, and unchoreographed, which made Carter’s brutally direct tactics all that more initially ineffective when he faced an opponent in the climactic scene that actually was a trained fighter.
Too bad the movie didn’t have a better story to drive it, because Stallone actually did a hell of a good job with the Carter character.
Jaws:
Jim Carrey as Chief Brody, Will Smith as Quint, and Tom Hanks as Hooper make 30 million dollars each as they chase a CGI shark across a CGI sea. Directed by Jim Jarmusch.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes —Starring Nancy Reagan!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest would be the story of the rebellious outsider McMurphy (Harvey Fierstein) and his struggles with the dominating Nurse Ratched (Elizabeth Berkley). Along the way , McMurphy befriends a quiet young man named Billy (Rob Zombie) and a towering Native American named Chief (Danny DeVito) and teaches each of them something about life.
That something he teaches them is that he is a rat bastard as he sells them out to Nurse Ratched in exchange for sexual favors and weekend passes from the asylum. The movie ends with the wedding of McMurphy and Nurse Ratched, who drive off into the sunset to their honeymoon hotel and have fish-flopping sex in the pool.
Fin.
Come to think of it, is it any worse than Herbert Lom’s, who played the original Dreyfuss with, as far as I can remember, a British accent?
Star Wars Revisited
Starring:
Kirk Cameron as Luke
Tracy Gold as Leia
Ben Affleck as Han
Bob Hoskins as Ben
Puffy as Lando
C3PO - voice of Sean Connery
Ed McMahon as the voice of Darth Vader
[Harvey Fierstein]I just wanna be loved, it that so wrong?[/Harvey Fierstein]
I just had to add that.
The only crazy casting I could think of was the real talk about John Travolta starring in a remake of Harvey, that would be just so wrong.
God, I can hear that now:
"You are my son, Luke. Har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har!"
Return of the Jedi-Redux with same cast as the Kirk Cameron post above except the role of Princess Leia (gold bikini and all) is now played by Rosie O’Donnell
The Birdcage/La Cage aux Folles with Mel Gibson as Armand, Don Johnson as Albin, Charles Nelson Reilly as the straightlaced senator and Linda Hunt as his wife.
Lawrence of Arabia with Chris Rock as T.E. Lawrence, Dom Deluise as Ali and Burt Reynolds as Prince Hussein.
The Godfather with Bill Paxton as Don Corleone, Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie as Sonny, and David Spade as Michael
You’re going to hell.
Pick random movie, cast the cast of Friends.