T-minus 6 months till my wedding and my bride-to-be has assigned me the task of getting Yarmulkes. (Kipot, skullcaps, take your pick…)
Trouble is, I don’t know how many to get. Her family isn’t Jewish, and neither are most of our friends. The wedding isn’t in a synagogue, it’s (weather permitting) outdoors at a reception hall. My Best Man (not Jewish) says he’ll wear one, and thinks that most people when they see a basket of yarmulkes printed with “from the wedding of Mr & Mrs. GonzoRon” will at least take one as a souvenier, if not wear it.
So I don’t know whether to get 1 per jewish man, 1 per man, some ratio between the two, or more in case some women are egalitarian enough to wear one, or don’t know that it’s traditionally a male thing, or just want a souvenier.
I figured a poll on IMHO might help. ideas? experiences? would you take one?
I’d order one for everyone who will be there, if only because they’ll make neat mementos. I distinctly recall Clinton and several other non-Jewish heads of state wearing yarmulkes at the funeral of a prominent Israeli leader whose name (I’m ashamed to admit) I can’t recall, and many of the shots were taken outdoors.
I have a hard time imagining anyone being offended by the presence of yarmulkes, especially since (judging by the post) they won’t be required.
Personally, I’d go with 1 per man, plus a few extras for egalitarian female types.
I’m not a man, but I understand that it’s customary for people of both sexes to cover their heads at a Jewish religious service, so I would do so out of respect for my hosts. I would probably also want a souvenier yarmulkle from a friend’s wedding, if that was the “party favor” of choice.
At our wedding, which was similar (I had converted to Judaism before the wedding, but, of course, my family hadn’t), we asked all the male guests to wear yarmulkes. We put a note in our wedding program to that effect. So we got enough for all the male guests, and some left over.
But part of the reason we did that is that our wedding was held in a synagogue, and the rabbi wanted the male guests to wear yarmulkes.
My husband’s cousin also married a girl who converted to Judaism, and had an outdoor wedding in San Juan Capistrano. I don’t know how many yarmulkes they ordered, but I think there were enough for all the male guests and some left over. We took several of the yarmulkes home with us as souvenirs.
A friend invited me to the wedding of his daughter, and yarmulkes were provided with the bride and grooms names and the date stamped inside. I happily wore it in synagogue, and thought it was an excellent wedding keepsake, and I’m a goy. ;j
I was raised nominally christian but am now an ardent atheist and would gladly wear one if I were one of your guests. It’s your wedding and your friends and family should be honored to be invited and partake in any part of the ceremony you ask them to within reason.
You don’t have to worry about buying them for women. A few wear them, but it’s weird.
If I were doing it today, I’d buy one for every man, Jewish or not. Back when I actually did it, though, we didn’t supply any. Most of the people who came were Christian, and we figured they wouldn’t know what to do with them. The few Jewish men who were there either brought their own, or took one of the synagogues nasty black generic ones. Looking back, it was a faux pas.
It might be worth noting that, in Reform weddings and bar mitzvahs, kippot are generally provided (and worn), even though most people don’t wear them during regular services.
If I were going to a jewish wedding, I would be happy to wear one. But I would have no idea whether or not I was supposed to wear one. I would be worried that if I took one, I would be offending someone, would be seen as making fun of tradition. I would be worried that if I didn’t, I would be breaking some sort of tradition.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I think that many men would do whatever was asked, if they just knew what was proper.
Non-Jewish men are NOT required to wear a yarmulke at any Jewish function (such as a wedding). However, not wearing them may make them feel out of place. As such, it might be best to order one per man.
Get one per man and strategically position somebody who knows what’s going on. I went to a Jewish wedding and there was a basket of yarmulkes. I put one on because I was told to by some guy who was stationed by the basket. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have known whether it was appropriate, expected or offensive. I had a decent general knowledge of Judaism but the particulars of practice were a mystery to me.
For the rest of the wedding I designated a practicing Jew as the guy I’d keep an eye on and imitate. Another nice thing was that the couple had a program printed up that explained the reason for a lot of the rituals they practiced.
As far as I know I managed to make it through the day without making an ass of myself.
I always assumed it was the courteous thing to do whenever I attended Jewish ceremonies, so I always put one on. When in Rome, you know.
Quick story…
Once attended a Jewish funeral in Brooklyn, and slapped on the skullcap as was my habit. At one point during the very solemn service it fell off. I had this very quick conversation with myself as it fell:
“Oh crap, it’s falling off! Is this thing like a flag? Is it a sin for it to touch the ground? Will this cause everyone to be upset and not enjoy the funeral? Can’t take any chances - better catch it!”
I snatched it out of the air between my shoulder blades and brought it into my lap in one lightning fast move. Everyone around me turned around, having missed the actual movment, knowing only that something extremely rapid had happened and was over. Afterward I learned it wouldn’t have been a big deal if it had fallen.
Generally speaking, the only thing that, if it were to fall, would be considered a Major Tragedy[sup]TM[/sup] is a Torah scroll.
Other items of lesser holiness (prayer books, tefillin, mezuzzah scrolls, etc.) should be picked up as quickly as possible and kissed.
A yarmulke doesn’t have any particular holiness at all - it’s just a head covering. If it falls on the ground it should be picked up – because littering isn’t nice.
most interesting, mr steinhardt. i don’t think about the quick pickup and kiss (although as i am the “other” kind of orthodox there would be a bless yourself between the pickup and kiss) as it is so automatic.
if my headcovering fell off during service i would just pick it up and give it a quick shake/ brushoff and put it back on, headcoverings are not usually blessed.
now of course you’ve got me curious about a major tragedy. i’m figuring it would create the same sort of reaction as a falling chalice, cross, gospel. anyone close enough would try to catch it or dive to get between the ground and torah. those not close enough would gasp and cause a brief vacuum situation in the temple.
I’m not rocking chair, but am Orthodox Christian. I’ve never heard of a requirement like this – normally, something like a gospel or cross would be picked up and kissed immediately, but that would be it. The real tragedy is when some of the Body or Blood falls, even if only a drop – I’ve seen priests interrupt the service for 10 minutes crawling around making sure they got every bit of the Body, and I once lost a fairly nice shirt after holding the communion cloth – a tiny speck of the Blood had fallen onto the sleeve, so that area of the shirt had to be cut out and burned.
In my youth, when still dragged to Catholic church, midnight mass at Christmas was a big thing and even non-Catholics wanted to go to see the whoopla and hear the choir. Once some non-Catholic friends of the family were planning to go with us and the woman asked my mother if she should wear a hat or veil and my mother made a point of saying it was expected for women to wear headcovering when going to the service. The woman happily complied. The husband seriously asked if he was expected to wear a robe (like he had seen pictures of Bishops wearing). My parents got a good chuckle out of that.
I too would feel kind of funny wearing the Yarmulke if no one told me to…wouldn’t know if I was doing something wrong. So I like the idea of having someone stand with the basket and tell the guys it is ok to wear one even if they are not Jewish.
the chalice dropping would be the worst, most def. a small accident can, as ybeayf mentioned can stop a service dead in its tracks. a bad accident, whoo boy, i can’t imagine… quite a few people would be going home in different clothes.
i was thinking more of what would happen at the very moment of the incident rather than after. in services a priest is not alone when he has a chalice, cross, or gospel, usually altar boys (or men) would try for a save or catch.
i was wondering if the same would be said in temple.