Would this woman date you? (Political...very political)

[Loach]

@ZPG_Zealot

She’s presenting her requirements for a partner. It’s only a list of demands if you assume she is the only woman on Earth.

Just because I can choose not to play her silly game doesn’t mean they aren’t demands.

[wonky]

@Loach

Having dealbreakers is one thing. Presenting a list of demands is stating I’m the important one here you are not.

What is the difference between a dealbreaker and a demand? I’m not seeing it, unless the difference is that no one tells you what their dealbreakers are?

[Velocity]

@wonky

What is the difference between a dealbreaker and a demand? I’m not seeing it, unless the difference is that no one tells you what their dealbreakers are?

AIUI, dealbreakers are a healthy and reasonable thing to have. Usually reserved for big, serious things. Healthy boundaries.
The list of demands, on the other hand, is usually about pettier and more trivial things, that show the immaturity of the person making the demands.

[wonky]

@Velocity

AIUI, dealbreakers are a healthy and reasonable thing to have. Usually reserved for big, serious things. Healthy boundaries.
The list of demands, on the other hand, is usually about pettier and more trivial things, that show the immaturity of the person making the demands.

Then I would call her list a list of dealbreakers, since they are about ethics, which are of the utmost importance to me.

[ZPG_Zealot]

@wonky

Then I would call her list a list of dealbreakers, since they are about ethics, which are of the utmost importance to me.

Same here. Her list isn’t about which way someone hangs the toilet tissue roll or Who was the better Darren on Bewitched (though I suppose there are some people for whom those are the issues of utmost importance). She was communicating about ethic issues that she deeply valued.

[Jophiel]

Eh, if Mary Matalin and James Carville can make it work then she ain’t so special

[MaxTheVool]

I gotta say as someone is definitely on the left but who is usually pro-Israel, I’m always a bit baffled by the far-left love affair with the Palestinian cause, particularly when presented as part and parcel of feminism.

Am I wrong in thinking that basically every oppressed group that she’s discussing (women, gay, trans, etc) is VASTLY better off in Israel than in Palestine, or nearly any Arab or Muslim nation? I mean, it’s entirely reasonable to take issue with a fair number of Israeli policies or actions, and I’m sure there are very intelligent and knowledgeable people who end up taking a very different stance on Israel than I do… but to simultaneously hold the rights and treatment of women and non-cishet folks as of utmost importance, but to also side so wholeheartedly with Palestine against Israel… I just don’t get it.

[Miller]

@Loach

Insufferable is the right word. I have run across dating profiles that have similar checklists though maybe not so political. Hard pass for me. All of them come across as rigid and like they would be doing you a favor by dating them. I don’t give a shit what the actual questions are, if you have a quiz for me I want nothing to do with you. You are either going to be too inflexible for a long term relationship or you are completely full of your self. Probably both.

You know, there’s a certain irony in reading a list on the internet of things that are hard passes for dating, and declaring, on the internet, that having such a list is a hard pass for you. You’re doing the same thing, you just got a shorter list!

[CarnalK]

@Miller

You know, there’s a certain irony in reading a list on the internet of things that are hard passes for dating, and declaring, on the internet, that having such a list is a hard pass for you. You’re doing the same thing, you just got a shorter list!

Is that similar to not being allowed to be bigoted against bigots?

[drivekiller]

@Velocity

I am willing to bet also that this woman is the type of person who is not willing to bend much, if at all, to accommodate the desires of a partner, but expects the partner to conform rigidly to her demands to the letter.

But would it ruin it for her if I want to be dominated?

[QuickSilver]

@CarnalK

Oh good. Then we’re all caught up with the 1980s.

I bet you’re a crier. Amarite?

[puzzlegal]

For those envisioning a check list and formal quiz, I don’t think that’s what she suggests. She says these are her deal breakers. I would think one could bring up those topics in ordinary conversation and get the answers one needs without presenting it as a list of demands.

And they are all core ethical things. I see nothing wrong with her list if these are the issues she cares about. Why not learn on the first date whether you are compatible?

I pass most of her tests. I think her views on capitalism and Israel are flawed, and it sounds like many of her views lack nuance. But I could hang out and watch documentaries and eat organic vegan chili with her.

But no, I wouldn’t want to date her, either. (And not just because I’m a straight woman.)

@Aspidistra

…She appears to subscribe to the “gatekeep the social group” theory of human interaction, whereby you advertise your correctness not just by having the right opinions on the hot button issues, but also by ruthlessly excluding from your social circle anyone who doesn’t also have the right opinions on the hot button issues.
…

yup. This is a deal breaker for me. I am not willing to limit my social life to only those I agree with.

Also, frankly, she cares too much for my tastes. I do my bit to advance the cause of non-binary folks. But i want to go home and spend some time not worrying about politics. I want to plant the occasional non-native plant because it is beautiful, and eat some junk food because it is delicious. I want to argue on the internet when I’m in the mood for it, and do something else when I’m not.

[QuickSilver]

@puzzlegal

For those envisioning a check list and formal quiz, I don’t think that’s what she suggests. She says these are her deal breakers. I would think one could bring up those topics in ordinary conversation and get the answers one needs without presenting it as a list of demands.

And they are all core ethical things. I see nothing wrong with her list if these are the issues she cares about. Why not learn on the first date whether you are compatible?

If she wasn’t already in a committed relationship, I bet she wouldn’t be nearly as strident in her “deal breakers”. I can’t prove this to be factually true, I just know.

[wonky]

@QuickSilver

I bet you’re a crier. Amarite?

What the hell is this?

[QuickSilver]

@wonky

What the hell is this?

joke:
jōk/

noun
1.
a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.
“she was in a mood to tell jokes”
synonyms: funny story, jest, witticism, quip;

verb
1.
make jokes; talk humorously or flippantly.
“she could laugh and joke with her colleagues”
synonyms: tell jokes, crack jokes

[wonky]

@QuickSilver

joke:
jōk/

noun
1.
a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.
“she was in a mood to tell jokes”
synonyms: funny story, jest, witticism, quip;

verb
1.
make jokes; talk humorously or flippantly.
“she could laugh and joke with her colleagues”
synonyms: tell jokes, crack jokes

I can see that you thought you were telling a joke. What I can’t see is why a man crying is supposed to be funny.

[QuickSilver]

@wonky

I can see that you thought you were telling a joke. What I can’t see is why a man crying is supposed to be funny.

Yeah, I can see that. In my defense, it was funnier back in the 80’s.

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@Guinastasia

Then don’t say Fenris’s impression of her was wrong, since there’s proof out there that it was indeed correct.

“Indeed correct”? :dubious: I paraphrased as “shrill harpy” because those are the sort of mildly misogynist epithets that the OP likes to throw around. The post that started this off is a milquetoast version of the threads started by Urbanredneck: “Look at them wacky libruls, hur hur!”

So, no, I’m not gonna read her Twitter feed; and no, I’m not gonna stop criticizing Fenris’s hur hur, thanks much.

I don’t care for Everyday Feminism, but so the hell what? I don’t care for listicle Buzzfeed-format knockoff articles, but so the hell what? I wouldn’t want to date this woman, but–you guessed it–so the hell what? I’m not the target demographic for the website nor the article format nor her dating pool.

I get that some people find Point and Laugh a worthy pursuit. I find it a little bit pitiful.

[wonky]

@QuickSilver

Yeah, I can see that. In my defense, it was funnier back in the 80’s.

Ah. Apologies for not catching a specific reference, if you were making one. I have conveniently forgotten most of the 80s, though my hair and fashion choices will live in infamy.

[DigitalC]

I think 5 would disqualify me. That said, while I do agree with most of her positions I do not care about those issues anywhere nearly as much as she seems to expect.