In 2018 are political differences a dealbreaker WRT to new romantic relationships?

Back in the day I could have dated a George W. Bush supporter. I could certainly have dated an ordinary conservative Republican. The political divide was not so vast as it is now. Today, things are different.

I recently joined a group and met a guy there that is very much the kind of guy I’d be interested in. I got a vibe that he was interested in me, too. He’s an ex-military pilot (like my late husband), runs his own computer consulting company, he’s musical with a good singing voice, dog-lover. Nothing to disqualify him there. Until I went home and looked at his Facebook page. He is a virulent, (dare I say) rabid Trump supporter. Lots of posts about the “caravan full of diseased, drug-addicted criminals who want to invade our country and take away our rights,” “Democrats kill babies,” “Trump in 2020!” I was shocked and disappointed, but for me, now, in the year 2018, this is a dealbreaker.

Just having differences in beliefs alone isn’t a dealbreaker, IF I can respect the person and the beliefs. For instance, I could date someone of a different religion, because the difference in religious belief would not in and of itself make me lose respect for him. I can’t respect the beliefs of a Trump supporter. That’s why I couldn’t date him. For the purposes of this thread, let’s let that be a given. This is not a Pit thread.

I’m asking others on either side: if you met someone attractive and interesting but found out they stand fervently **against **everything you believe in politically (and today, that just about includes “morally,” as well), would you turn and walk away? Try to date/be friends/socialize but avoid politics? Try to change their minds or win them over to your pov?

I’m a centrist, so I’ve long accepted there’s going to be at least one thing I disagree with someone politically on, it just depends to what degree, and how they express it. At this point in time, though, it would be much harder to date a liberal, I mostly date other centrists. I don’t know many conservatives. Most centrist guys I date are happy not to be with someone who browbeats them into performative feminism, however.

This. The average Trump supporter has essentially swallowed a phenomenally toxic ideology whole. They have fallen for numerous hoaxes, they don’t care about integrity in public figures (or are so cynical that they fail to differentiate between “lies occasionally” and “lies about everything pathologically”)… I cannot respect someone who is that wrong. I would not invite a Trump supporter into my life or my home, let alone date them. Maybe the odd hatefuck if they’re super hot and not a full-on nazi, but date? How can I date someone I can’t respect?

I wouldn’t be interested in someone spouting that kind of evangelical nonsense from either side. Either the “Democrats kill babies!” variety or the “Republicans are racists!” ones.

I would sleep with them as long as I could until they got too annoying.

Not only would I not date Trump supporters, I wouldn’t date conservatives who try to pretend that “Republicans are racist” is equivalent to the nonsense statement, “Democrats kill babies!”.

I only date Marxists.

Were I single, it’d depend on the nature of the differences. Some differences are bridgeable, some would not be, at least for me.

Harpo was always my favorite. Did you know that he taught himself to play the harp?

Similar values have always been really important to me. I don’t much care whether you’re a Christian or an atheist or a Muslim or neopagan or whatever; I don’t much care whether you love reading mysteries or fantasies or Man Booker prize winners. But if you’re tribalistic–whether that means being nationalistic or racist or antisemitic or whatever–I can’t imagine opening my heart.

Republicans actually are racist, so those two statements aren’t equivalent at all.

Before Trump it wouldn’t have bothered me. I would’ve dated a McCain supporter, A Romney supporter, a W Bush supporters, a Dole supporter, a Reagan supporter, etc.

But Trump is basically the antichrist. I’m not religious so I don’t think he is ‘the’ anti-christ, but he is everything christians have pretended they oppose for the last 2 millennia. Someone once said Trump doesn’t have a personality, just a collection of negative personality traits. That is true, Trump is basically the 7 deadly sins personified.

I suppose I could date someone who understood Trump was a horrible person but they just liked some of his policies (conservative judges, supply side tax cuts). But the white identity politics, authoritarianism, idiocy, etc. are so baked in that you pretty much have to be ok with them on a moral and intellectual level to be a Trump supporter nowadays.

No. Gross.

Yeah, I gotta admit I do this. The republican party has - in my opinion - spent the last ten years losing their collective fucking minds. And I simply decided not to date anyone who follows Trump. It’s just not going to end happily all around so why begin?

This does make it a bit of a challenge here in South Carolina. Still, we elected a democrat in my district for the first time in many, many years. Keep hope alive, people!

One of my best friends is a texas oil man. I also am friends with the former head of the Colorado young dems. I like people on both sides of the political divide and I consider myself a libertarian though I voted straight dem in the location. All that being said I couldn’t date a trump supporter. I could date one who voted for him but now repudiates that vote. In being honest I could probably fuck one if she was hot enough but it wouldn’t be more then a weekend or two though I’d probably feel bad about having sex with someone who was retarded.

To boil it down, a Trump supporter is one or more of the following:[ul]
[li]a gullible idiot[/li][li]an unprincipled opportunist[/li][li]a white nationalist[/li][/ul]None of these can be attractive.

i could date someone of opposite political views, to a certain extent, but not one of opposite *moral *views. The former is just a matter of red vs. blue or seeing things differently, but the latter means something far more consequential.

The bigger question is: In 2018, are political differences a dealbreaker WRT established relationships.

My brother-in-law was an Obama-loving liberal, basically from 2014/5 and earlier. Then he got a job in corrections, and 2016 rolled around and he voted for Trump. My sister-in-law began to think he was nuts, and wondered how he could vote for such a vile sexist pig. But chalked it up to Hillary being a bad candidate, and the two of them just decided not to talk much about current events. But over the past two years, he moved rapidly down the road of guns/racism/Republicanism. Still, my sister-in-law held out a shred of hope that he would vote for Gillum, Bill Nelson, etc. to counter the truly nutty shit happening in our country.

Nope, on election night, he proudly announced to my sis-in-law he voted all Republican, and said some other slightly horrific Trumpy/racist stuff. Sis-in-law texted my wife (about her brother): “Can this marriage survive?”

My wife and I both sorta jokingly agreed that if it didn’t, we’d rather claim sis-in-law. He came for a visit last month with my niece, and he’s just not very fun to be around anymore. He’s angrier at life, bitter, gets riled up if the topic of guns or foreigners comes up, he’s short-tempered with his daughter, and he just likes to provoke people around him now. This was not who he was two, three, four years ago.

So I think my sister-in-law is really wondering how this marriage continues.

Has he considered a career change? For some people, working in positions where you see the worst in people changes you for the worst. You become entitled, rude, racist, cruel, etc. Sounds like that is what is happening to your BIL.

Maybe a change of career would help calm him down.

I absolutely agree it was when he went down this current career path. He went to college for law enforcement, but kept his “college” job for several years after graduating because it paid so well. He finally hit 30 and figured he needed to put his degree to work, so he got a job with Florida corrections and parole. He hasn’t been the same since. I’m pretty sure he wants out, but feels trapped. Mid-30s, two kids, currently living with his in-laws until his wife finishes nursing school. I fear it’s only gonna get worse for him. He feels trapped, angry, is convinced minorities are vile scum. And he loves Trump more and more each day.

Frankly, seeing his anger and racism increase at the same rate as his conservatism tells me all I need to know about modern-day Republicans. So to answer the OP: Yes, it’s a dealbreaker.

But is it a dealbreaker for marriages? Our family will likely find out sometime between now and 2021.