Would that really be a reason for you not to date someone?
I mean, I can see it being an issue at some point if you reach the point in the relationship where your hanging out a lot at each others homes. But really, if you project a relationship forward you can always forsee some sort of issue that will arise. Maybe you don’t like one of their room-mates, or they have a job with weird hours that will make it hard when you want to spend more time togeather, or they don’t make enough money, or they make way more money then you do or your family will disapprove of their race/religion/gender/whatever.
In most cases I think people just start dating the person they’re interested in. If they end up not working out before the issue actually becomes a problem, then it never mattered. If they reach the point where the issue becomes real, then either they decide they’re into the person to figure it out or they aren’t. In the former case it was obviously worth it, in the latter it presumably wasn’t going to work out anyways.
Me personally? Hard to say. I’m not suggesting it’s the healthiest attitude in the world to imagine married life with someone after the first date. However, unless I were really, REALLY into the person right away, I might be prone to avoid dating someone that has easily foreseeable hurdles down the line. The same issues aren’t a hurdle for everyone, so I don’t think the privacy situation is going to prevent the OP from finding people who want to date him solely for that reason. But there will be some who just don’t want to get caught up in it, and I don’t blame them for that, either.
Would you not go to school if it made you un-dateable?
Don’t worry about it. Spend some time getting to know yourself and better yourself. If that involves living with your folks and going to school - awesome!
Living with parents - well why not - I mean, I own my own place - if we wanted alone time we could just hang here, right? (I always find that as a weird factor unless the complainer also lives with their parents.)
I’ll address the two issues separately. I’ll assume the 30 year old is going back to school time. This would raise a slight red flag with me. Is the 30 year old going back to school to finish up the undergrad degree they didn’t complete in their early 20s? That would be ok if they realize they’re run into a career dead end and need that piece of paper. Many people I know screwed around during their late teens and didn’t finish college only to realize that your resume really does end in the “NO” pile without a degree listed on it.
However, if the 30 year old is going back to school because they hate the 9-5 Office Space world, then if things go beyond a couple of casual dates, I’m going to make damn sure that person has a clear plan as to why they are in school. If they’re getting a grad degree, I’d want to know exactly how that grad degree will help.
If they’re doing a completely new degree, I’d also be quite interested as to what their plans are with that degree. Being out of the workforce during prime years isn’t something to be taken lightly, in my opinion.
I wouldn’t like the living at home thing either. I’d be far more comfortable if the person moved in with a roommate or two as opposed to back home. Again, I’d be wanting to know exactly how long the person plans to live at home. If I’m in the age range that I’d be dating a 30 year old, I’d hope that eventually the dates could move to something beyond the student budget level.
Haven’t spent much time around non-professional grad students, have we? You don’t get a PhD because you want to make more money.
Re: roommates. We’ve already had that thread, people have strong opinions. IMHO, people who are vehemently against roommates probably haven’t spent much time around NYC or SF.
That’s how I feel about it. I mean, yeah, it’s an easy thing that people make fun of, but whatever, I way prefer to hang out at my house with men I’m seeing and that’s what we almost always do, so it doesn’t really affect anything if he lives with family or has a million roommates or whatever. Of course, if he’s doing it because he has no ambition in life then I wouldn’t be interested in a relationship with him, but that’s not the only reason someone might not have their own place.
I wouldn’t be able to live with my mother for that reason. We love each other, but a combination of rather different worldviews and both of us being stubborn and a bit on the hotheaded side would make us disastrous roommates.
I would date you, because I’m in the same boat- I am 30 and going back to school, and I live with my mom (and my 24-year old slob of a brother, AND my 8 year old son). I recognize that this makes me highly undateable on paper. Luckily, my boyfriend does not think so. Furthermore, at 35, he lives with a roommate and has a crappy job, and also wants to go back to school. If I were deciding based on his circumstances, I never would have dated him, but I fell head over heels for the guy before I knew all of his stats. Though both of us are currently undesireable on paper, our relationship is amazing.
With my ex, we were both appealing on paper (good jobs, independent, no criminal records, etc) and that relationship was unfulfilling to say the least. You and what you bring to a union are more than your status and circumstance, is what I’m trying to say.
But the privacy issue is HUGE, so they may not date you for long unless you can get a little privacy.
It’s not that I find it an easy target to make fun of; I just don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to have to run into a guy’s parents, ever, while I’m over. I suppose we can hang/bang at my place, but I’d get pretty sick of having to host all of the time.
I’d be happy to have an excuse to always hang out at my house. When I am finished hanging out I like them to just leave instead of me having to wake/sober up and drive home. Then again sometimes people don’t catch the hint that they’re being dismissed, and that sucks.
