If it’s “moving your life forward,” and not imposing on your parents socially or financially, I say go for it. The world’s hard enough without the occasional helping hand from firends and family.
But this is a deal breaker.
Or maybe not.
First off, best of luck. It seems like you are getting a new start, and that’s the first step towards getting where you want to be.
I would strongly, strongly advise working (full time, part time, internship, assistantship, whatever…anything with a title and some kind of paycheck) while you get your degree. It’s a smart career move, and it goes a long ways toward mitigating fears that your status may invoke in women. Undergrad, quite frankly, shouldn’t be that hard for a mature student and isn’t actually that huge of a time commitment if you know how to manage your time, and if it was the only thing you had going on, I’d raise my eyebrows… Working and going to school sucks, and isn’t fun, and will be the end of your social life. But grown-ups do stuff that sucks.
Well, why wouldn’t I date a 30 yo kid who goes to school? Isn’t it what all those youngsters do?
Seriously, when I was 30, I would have dated someone my age going back to school. Although at that age, in fact, I was going back to school (and did date someone).
Sure. Why not?
Aaaaaand there’s why not.
That you’re an adult living with your parents is strike one. That you’re going back to school not to further your education but because you have no clear understanding of what you want to do with your life is strike two. That you’re really afraid to just be single and take time for yourself (for reference: see, the seventy bajillion (or two) other threads you’ve started this week) is strike three.
Also because I’m not gay. not that there’s anything wrong with that.
It’s all in the presentation.
I’m currently a __________ but have decided to return to school to pursue a degree in ____________ because I want to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a teacher. (talk about the reasons why and the emotional satisfaction this will bring). In order to accomplish this goal debt free, I will be moving in with my parents while I attend school. This is a defined living arrangement (adult living with two other adults) for a specific goal (graduating debt free) with an exit plan in place (graduation) and not a case of arrested development (I’m not mooching, I am contributing to the household).
If you have a good track record with the rest of your life, you can pretty this up and make it work.
I returned to school at age 27, did two years before moving back in with my parents for the last year because if I had to have room mates I would rather have ones I had known all my life and were basically good cool people.
I dated briefly but mostly worked and studied. I dated another 28 year old returning to school who lived with his parents. It was odd and uncomfortable, but probably the fact that he had some kind of persona issues he hadn’t resolved were the bigger reason it didn’t work out. (And I never really found out what they were we went on about 6 or 7 dates before Christmas break and then I got a really strange “Dear Jane, its not you it’s me” letter.)I didn’t really have time for a relationship anyway and I moved out of town literally 2 hours after I finished my course requirements.
So at that age, I would consider it. Now, not a chance. I have a child, a career, a house car and husband. But even if I was single, I am not dating someone living with the parents.* Or someone who is 30 for that matter.
*Then again, I have done worse things against my better judgement and they have turned out really well. So who knows. You would have to be pretty awesome though and have your shit together.
I’m going to have to disagree here. I’ve known professionals who worked one field all their lives and were miserable in their jobs. I’ve known folks considering a change in their careers and didn’t pursue it and they were still quite content. (My friend who is a librarian, and decided not to go into teaching after all.)
I’ve known folks who took chances and succeeded. There was one medical student I knew who after his third year said it was not for him and returned to school for a mathematics degree. The biggest turnaround (or maybe this is common) was my middle school English teacher. She was an alright teacher and to my surprise suddenly found her doing real estate. She told me she had burnt out and needed a new lease on life and did it when she turned 50. Another similar situation was a pharmacist who was also burnt out and became owner of some car washes and preferred to do that instead.
I’m really in awe of Seth McFarlane’s associate producer of Family Guy. She is as private as Seth is a public figure. Her name is Cherry Chevat (actually that is her shortened name, it appears longer in the FG opening credits) and after finishing up law school at Yale, decided she didn’t want to practice law and worked in writing comedies and novels instead. Or like the Chinese comedian from Hangover and Community, he was a practicing doctor for a while.
I think you’ve misunderstood me.
If you hate your job and want to go back to school to fulfill a dream, that may be a legitimate reason. But if you’re going back to school because you can’t think of anything better to do with your life or think “hey, it can’t be worse than what I’m doing now.” it’s a recipe for disaster. I’ve seen it time and time again. And that’s just a general life lesson. What I was talking about specifically is the dateability of someone who’s lost about what he wants to do at 30 and saying it’s a general strike against him. Not a complete deal breaker, just a warning sign. I’d want the person to have spent time figuring themselves out and this points to them not having done so.
I’ve been looking to try a career change for four years. My ex-gf knew this at the start of this relationship. Essentially nothing has changed…it is just hard to get ready for an engineering program after being out of the sciences for 8 years. My thoughts are, give it a try, and if it doesn’t work go back into teaching. Last year my bands won an award, and the kids, admin, and parents generally like me. I am a good successful teacher. I can always go back to it if my other aspiration doesn’t work out. What is so wrong with giving something else a chance? It’s not like I’m going back to school to get a philosophy degree.
Personally, I think if you’re going to go back to school for any reason at all but are worried about what people will think, then maybe you’re not ready to go back to school. If you’re going to go back to school, then go back to school and screw what anyone thinks about it.
No because you’re way too young for me, little boy… biologically, I could be your mother.
A 40-some year old who was going back to school, no problem. A couple of years back I spent a sabbatical going back to school myself (1); I have some relatives who collect degrees (some of those degrees later get used professionally, some don’t).
1: graduate program in translation. I don’t think I’ll ever make a living as a translator, but having the pretty paper does turn me from “techie who thinks she can translate the techie stuff better than the professional translators” into “professional translator specializing in techie stuff” in people’s eyes; with the amount of techie stuff we usually need to translate, this is huge.
Ken Jeong is of Korean ancestry.
Though he plays a Chinese person and even comments at one point when someone asks if he’s Korean “What’s the difference? We all look the same!”
When I met my wife, she was in her 30s and finishing off her MBA. Didn’t bother me.
I’m 33 and in school. I don’t live with my parents. So, yes.
I’m 55 so the 30 part would be a deal breaker.
The going back to school part, not a problem. Even if you are not working and going full time I’d look at it as you are trying to improve your life than as though you were some kind of loser/slacker who doesn’t know what he’s doing.
I would suggest at least doing something while you are going to school, just because companies don’t want to hire people who aren’t working.
My niece is finding that out. After the company she was working for went under she decided to get a degree in accounting. She went to school full time and didn’t work, now she is having trouble just getting an interview.
Had she not gotten married she still would be living at home (with my mother not hers) and she met her now husband while she was living here. Being a single mother, going to school, living at home and not working didn’t stop her from getting dates and the man she married was a single father with custody of his kids, living at home, going to school and also not working because he wanted to change careers. Didn’t stop him from dating either.
It made sense for both of them, they were saving money, had help with their kids and they could put more attention on school.
You will probably find people at school in exactly the same position you are in. Out of work, out of money, and taking the opportunity to do something productive, like going to school.
You’re not married, you’re not supporting any kids, it makes much more sense to move home and concentrate on school than to try to work full time, go to school full time and keep up with an apartment and rent and other bills. Take advantage of the situation while you can.
That’s not necessarily linked to having been a full-time student: there are thousands of unemployed accountants looking for jobs, and thousands of them are having trouble just getting an interview. Engineers are relatively high-demand, but it will vary a lot with field and location.
Go to school to get an education. Get your priorities in order and stop worrying about dating already. From your posts it seems you are putting more time and energy caring about dating than your future.
I don’t know how engineering school is, but I can imagine it’s on par with how it was in architecture. There won’t be a lot of free time, especially if you are working or volunteering.
My gf passed 30 while we’ve been dating. She got her bachelor’s, moved in with me, got a job, thinks about grad school.
The issues are: after grad school, the prognosis is massive debt and probably an obligation to move out of town for the grad degree job. My job is right here and I’d rather not move. Dating her while she’s in grad school doesn’t sound like a problem, unless it is a guaranteed 3 year thing, then kaput- it is afterwards that is the issue. Looks like I’m staying with her for now in any case. I guess her education level doesn’t matter, she’s been the same person all along. What she’s up to doesn’t matter much- it changes all the time. Being compelled to skip town- that’d be a major issue.
Yes. I’m a 26 year old female living at my dad’s while currently working part time and going to grad school full time.
I’ve dated a guy the same age who went to college and we both lived with his father and brother. I’ve dated a guy with a full time job and his own place (that I know of.) My current boyfriend is working full time, never went to college, and is currently living with his father.
Times are changing. A lot of us can’t live on our own just yet. I think people in a similar situation (such as myself) can appreciate and better understand your situation. One’s current financial, educational, and home status are just one of many things in a long list when looking for a romantic partner. Some people can’t look past it and others can.